Chapter 3

For Andrew the first weekend back at university was easy going. He ran on the Saturday and swam on the Sunday but other than that goofed off, for him quite the rebellion. But it was also important for him because there were very few other weekends when he wouldn’t be busy. In two weeks’ time it was the anniversary of Faith’s death, already six years in the past. There were four OTC weekends, the first one in a week’s time, plus trips to Edinburgh and maybe London. So Andrew studied a little but mainly relaxed, chatting to, and catching up with, Navya, Nigel and Pedro. The one thing that did surprise him was that Navya appeared to have no idea about his liaison with her sister. On the Sunday afternoon Pedro and Andrew sat in the common room catching up. He had been concerned about returning to Madrid and it appeared he had been right to be concerned.

“How were things back in Spain?”

“A bit awkward and odd to be honest Andrew. We moved many times until I was 12. Cartagena, Cadiz, Ferrol, even Las Palmas, we moved wherever Papa was stationed. For the last six years though, I was lucky and we were in Ferrol the whole time. I think of Ferrol as my home, school friends, girlfriends, most of my memories are there. Now I have gone to Britain to study, I have moved away but it was my base, my anchor. When I returned there it was to warm memories, good friends. Now suddenly I am in Madrid, Papa has a new and important position at the Defence Ministry. After the Generalissimo died and especially after 1981 there has been a forced turnover of many senior officers. Papa has benefited from this, too junior to be suspect and out of the way in Ferrol when all the craziness happened. So this is a significant step, a significant promotion.

“But it leaves me feeling stranded, isolated there. Suddenly I am at university in Cambridge during the term and there in Madrid when I am not. I feel like an outsider, not of there, not Castilian, just a bit lost. During the break I missed Cambridge, it felt more familiar than life in Madrid did.”

“Why was it different to last summer?”

“I buried my head like an ostrich last summer, chased pretty women, visited Ferrol, it did not seem so bad. But when I got back on the first Friday the weekend was tough. Too much fussing from Mama, too much time on my hands. Pah, listen to me moan like a schoolboy.”

The sense of dislocation that Pedro was feeling pervaded everything. Spain was inching closer to joining the European Union, the treaty would finally be signed the following summer. Pedro, multi-lingual, educated in both Spain and Britain, would have a multitude of options and opportunities. At times Andrew felt it was like listening to himself, a sense of rootlessness, not sure of what he wanted to do, even whether he would return to Spain. Pedro was close to his family but he was unsure what it all meant, then and in the future. Another 19 year old facing up to the changes that had shaken his comfortable existence.

In return, Andrew talked for a while about his own issues and concerns on these exact same issues. It was all rehashing of old talks with Suzanne and Leslie but just to a new audience. But for both of them, talking it through helped in an intangible way. They solved nothing, resolved nothing but just knowing that it was a phase that students seemed to do through. Intellectual puberty, it was not your mind or body that was changing, it was the experiences, the certainties of the past no longer holding true, with all of them, a combination of too many choices and no clue what to do with it all, how it all held together.

It was a serious meaningful sober chat but it confirmed what so many of Andrew’s friends were feeling. And it solidified the already strong friendship between the two of them.

Monday morning Peggy seemed to have calmed down about her art class and the fact that Andrew was the model. She couldn’t look at him on Friday whereas by then she was back to normal. The OTC night before a training weekend was always full of pointless shouting. Andrew thought the staff just liked to practice to keep in shape. More than half the night was preparation for the weekend with the rest training time as usual. They didn’t even bother trying Cindies and with Jack no longer always going on about chasing women they actually discussed the heresy of not going there at all. Not since Luther had such a radical suggestion been proposed. They still went but there was a sense of a force of habit rather than any burning desire. When Andrew returned to his room after the parade Abi was just saving her work and powering down his computer.

“Can we chat for a minute Andrew?”

“Sure Abi. What’s up?”

He had a pretty good idea. Her inability to look him in the eye made it obvious.

“I am going out with Philip and I don’t think we should sleep together at the same time. I know all the talk at the start of term and back at the start of the year but now that I am going out with him I can’t just jump into bed with you. I am not that person.”

Andrew was not sure he had ever felt sluttier.

“I understand Abi.”

“I am changing the rules to suit myself all the time. Last term I wanted the security of you and I thought I wanted that again this term, even as I date other people. But as soon as it actually happens it is ‘hands off’.”

She shook her head.

“Sorry. You will still let me use your computer, yes?”

“Hey, this is all part of the plan, figuring stuff out. It is never as easy as it seems at the start. Feelings and circumstances change. The only thing I will say is that I am not going to sit and wait hoping that it falls apart. You are my friend and are still welcome to use the computer on Tuesday and Thursdays but I will go out with other people.”

“I realise that. Thank you for the computer.”

With an awkward hug she left and Andrew stared at the closed door for a long time. There seemed to be no point to discussing Helena with her, it fell under the category of ‘none of your business’. At the same time he was sad, and in a moment of honest reflection, felt used by Abigail Wilson. She had done exactly what they had talked about but he was the classic friend who she could fuck, while she figured out what she wanted from a man. And she had stayed in Andrew’s bed until after Paris. Hmmm. But then, being the pig that he was, Helena’s expressive eyes popped into his mind.

Andrew dragged Helena to Cindies the next night and had one drink the whole night. They were on the dance floor for a couple of hours before they left to walk back to College. The look on Helena’s face as he directed her over to his stair was wonderful. She went from surprised to excited to sultry just walking across the Court. By the time they got to his room clothes were already coming off. Grabbing a pillow Helena knelt in front of him, took his dick into her mouth and just knelt there. No hands, no tongue, no sucking, no movement, nothing. All Helena Innes did was look at him. Her eyes were sparkling, her expression went from flirty and sultry to shocked, her go-to look of depraved innocence. Her smile when Andrew came convulsively was smug. God, she knew how to get him off, it was embarrassingly easy. Andrew didn’t even get a chance to pull Helena to her feet she was already lying on the bed, legs wide apart, pussy glistening, waiting for him to reciprocate. There was no need for subtlety, no need for teasing, the only thing Andrew needed was a brief moment of time to recover.

He threw the pillow to her to save Beth’s ears and sensibilities and went to work. Helena was as worked up as he had been and her first orgasm was as quick as his own. She also had the quickest recovery time he had ever seen so he barely paused in his caressing. Just as she was close to coming for a second time Andrew stopped and looked around for the condoms. Unkind words were thrown at him as he wrapped himself securely. Andrew just looked at Helena and she shivered under his gaze.

They were too turned on and worked up for their fucking to last long. Andrew had Helena bent in half, her ankles on his upper chest, her knees practically on her shoulders, as they rutted furiously. They both stared at each other with unblinking ferocity but such intensity, at least for them, could only be sustained for a few minutes. When Andrew came it was as if he was being prodded in the small of his back at the base of his spine. He was barely able to remove the condom before slumping on the bed. Helena climbed onto him, which was more intimate than what they had just done, and smiled at Andrew waiting for him to return to this world. Finally he looked at her and she smiled.

“I am going to have strained stomach muscles for the rest of the week and it is so worth it.”

If she had been a cat Helena would have been purring right then.

“You have the most expressive eyes of anyone I know. I can’t believe you made me come from just looking at me.”

He shook his head.

“I am not 14 for heaven’s sake.”

Helena just giggled.

“It only really works on you Andrew. The whole mental side of fucking is something that very few people understand. You are so good at just painting this picture in my head. What I am good at doing is letting you know how I feel with my eyes. Every time I give you the shocked virgin look, oh my god I can’t believe I have a cock in my mouth, that look, I swear your dick twitches. What is it about men and corrupting innocent young women?”

“I have no idea. Nobody does it like you can. Nobody. It is hardly a skill for your CV but it is a real talent.”

Helena laughed out loud.

“Other accomplishments, I can make a man come just by looking at him.”

It was good to have Helena back in his bed, even if it was only for a little while. Once they had peed and cleaned their teeth they carried on talking.

“So what do you plan to do about men? Are you still going to date, either here or at home?”

She sighed.

“I have no idea. Probably not much this term unless somebody really turns my head. I’ll see what happens but the nice thing is there is no rush. And if I do decide to date someone then I think it will start casual.”

Andrew kept his own counsel on that one.

Waking up with Helena in his arms brought back lots of fond memories, including remembering how crap she was first thing in the morning. She grumbled away before he left for his run and swim knowing that he would wake her before heading to breakfast. At the café Andrew teased Peggy when he arrived but she was over the worst of her blushing. As he handed his bowl back she looked at him and muttered.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

They both laughed and Andrew could tell that she was going to have fun with this all term. But first he had to wake grumpy pants who was less than pleased for cold hands on her arse cheeks.

“You bastard.”

“Come on you adorable thing. Get up, time for the walk of shame. What do you bet there are at least three people you know in the Court between my stair and yours?”

“Oh shut up, that’s not funny.”

Right before Andrew opened the door he leaned down and kissed Helena. No words were said but their smiles were very loud. She managed to scuttle across and into her stair without having to deal with any knowing looks or comments and Andrew headed off for breakfast.

That night at the first break he belatedly introduced himself to the six final year students who sat apart from the ‘amateurs’. He was always fascinated by what people put down on the paper because based on last year, and even last term, what was there on the paper or canvas bore little resemblance to him. The second break he ran the gauntlet of Peggy and her friends. Sharon started.

“So have you been teasing Peggy much?”

“Not really. I am only in for 10 minutes or so each morning and it is a busy time. If it was quiet and there weren’t too many ears I might but at 7.40 it is not possible.”

“Why do you go to the café for breakfast? Don’t they feed you at those Colleges?”

“Extra protein on the way back from the pool. I swim every morning. I’ve got to keep this body looking good for all you lot.”

It was good to be able to laugh with them. The break was only five minutes so all his interactions that term were these little snippets. It was fun and light-hearted but nothing more.

Less than 18 months earlier Andrew had told the recruiting sergeant that he needed to work on his leadership. That winter he discovered, to his surprise, that many things he previously had worried about were no longer an issue. When Andrew thought back to some of the key moments in his life there were several moments going all the way back to his earliest teenage years, where things happened that had a profound impact on him. But his increased confidence in both leadership and command, that happened gradually. The change was most marked that winter but it had been the work of many individual moments and many months. Settling at Cambridge, doing well on his course, these were the bedrock of it. But the success of working the previous summer was a huge help as well as realising that he had a group of good friends, both male and female. It all came together over the term aided by some disturbing and disgusting situations that he had to deal with.

All four training weekends were at Stanford Training Area. Less than 50 miles away, used for training by regular and reserves forces as well as all the OTCs in the area. In the first year as a cadet you have to demonstrate at least competence across a range of military fieldcraft. Basic first aid, map reading, weapon care and maintenance, communication, military knowledge as well as the more obvious of fitness, drill and marksmanship. As you can see there was a lot to get through in those eight days and nights. Having passed this themselves the 2^nd years, now Junior Under Officer Cadets, worked with the new Cadets on these fieldcraft skills. It was a two tier approach. There were Permanent Staff, predominantly Corporals and Sergeants, with them at all times. They were there to ensure that the new Cadets got the correct training and instruction. At the same time there were other Staff who were evaluating the JUO’s leadership skills, planning, communication, presence. Were they helping the new Cadets or just making it worse or confused? So part of every weekend was being guinea pigs and assisting with the initial fieldcraft. The rest of the time was spent working with the more senior Staff, including officers, on leadership tasks. Sounds bland when you say it but it is a nice catch all summary for a list of things that would run for a couple of pages. You had to present a short lecture on a set subject, starting to acclimatise you to speaking in public and in front of numbers of troops; advanced map reading and communication; and building up the different skills needed to plan a tactical exercise, the main test that the JUOs faced at the start of Easter Term.

Maybe it was because the exercise was something that Andrew could study for, and had already the previous year, but he was not worried about it. This confidence translated into his approach to the OTC all year. He was a better than average cadet and planning a small exercise held no fears for him.

All of this is by way of background to the four training weekends. Whereas before Andrew just ignored idiot cadets, both the previous year and again that current year, now he started to see them for what they were, poorly prepared, and not very good at the tasks presented. So that first training weekend Andrew developed a bit of a reputation for being a hard arse. Nothing shouty or stupid but he had high standards and made the new cadets train properly. He wasn’t the most demanding but he was on the podium. There were a couple of times where the Permanent Staff intervened and accepted something that Andrew was ready to make them do again, and he learned that it was a fine line between high standards and being an arse. His own feedback was solid, he was not asking the cadets to do anything he could not do himself. But it gave him his first contact with Arthur Sherard, not yet 19 but someone who thought he ruled the world already.

This pathetic boy masquerading as a man was a taker of the worst sort. Entitled, undisciplined and of the opinion that the rules that the rest of them had to obey were mere suggestions for him. Andrew had heard him around the TA Centre during the autumn but had had nothing to do with him. He was rich, well his family was, and thus was surrounded by bootlickers and sycophants and Andrew just steered clear. That cold January day he demonstrated that he was a lousy cadet, so Andrew made him repeat several elements of the task until they were performed satisfactorily. All the while listening to Sherard bellyache at him. In the mess that night Sherard was giving Andrew shit, not to his face, but to the collection of yes men around him. If he was called a miserable Jock bastard once it must have been ten times. Andrew didn’t care particularly as Sherard was a weasel and a bully and given Andrew’s height and size he was all talk and no trousers.

So when he was called in to see one of the two Majors in the Company Andrew was disappointed but wasn’t surprised. He expected no less, running to teacher behind his back.

“McLeod, I have had a complaint against you from Cadet Sherard. He claims that you were picking on him today during training, making him repeat elements of the training when he had already performed then satisfactorily.”