Chapter 12: Mackenzie

I got tickets to the Columbus Symphony for Friday night, and asked Mackenzie to go on another date – dinner and the concert, with drinks after. The dress would be more upscale and chic. She glowed and eagerly accepted.

Amazingly, on our first date, which had become very sexual, the subject of my relationship with Mel (and Joy) had never come up in conversation. I had expected Mac to say something, but she never asked. My ‘arrangement’ was no secret in SPT.

When I picked up Mackenzie, she was a picture of beauty and I told her so quite vocally. Fortunately, I’d brought flowers, which she loved and immediately put in some water until she could hunt up a vase. Mac wore a floor length sheath that certainly revealed a lot of interesting bumps and curves under it, and had enough cleavage to attract the attention of any red-blooded American man. I was also just tall enough that she could wear heels that she avoided with other men due to her height.

We had a great dinner and then enjoyed the concert. After, we went to the Brass Eye at the Junto hotel for drinks. The high-altitude view of the night lights of the city left a beautiful impression of Columbus and made the evening cocktails a special and unusual event.

I expected the question, and it finally came. Mac asked, “So, you’re in a relationship with Melissa, but you can also date? Tell me about that.”

I nodded and shrugged, “We don’t believe in exclusivity, being possessive, or ownership of each other. More than that; however, we believe that we grow and develop and are more interesting by interacting with other people, and for us that means in every way possible. We also have a belief that if we share our love with other people, it will come back to us many times over.”

Mac asked, “And Mel wasn’t ape-shit crazy because you stayed overnight with me last weekend, or that we had sex? I assume she figured out that last part.”

I shook my head, “She ended up staying over with her friend Gary after I gave her a heads-up that I was staying with you. We weren’t at all put out about what the other did.”

“Sex?”

I nodded. “Yes. I must confess, and I hope it doesn’t bother you, but we do a little bit of sharing about our dates. We both find parts of our evenings arousing and also inspiring of our own lovemaking.”

Mackenzie sat back, “I don’t know whether to be shocked or happy because of what you just said. I would think that telling your steady girl that you had sex with another woman would inspire a lot of jealousy.”

I asked, “Do you know the term ‘compersion’?”

Mac shook her mane of blonde hair, “I’ve heard the term but don’t remember about it.”

“I wasn’t jealous of Mel being with Gary last weekend, and I even encouraged it ahead of time, even before I got the moxie to ask you out. I wanted her to have an exciting and happy evening with him, even enjoy some romantic lovemaking with him. That was my feeling instead of getting jealous and flying around the room backwards in a rage and kicking her out of our apartment. What good would that accomplish? That’s compersion.

“Another example, you probably know about, too. You know that Joy, Mel, and I were in a triad for nearly four years. She fell in love with a guy named Tyler and a few months ago left to become his wife sometime soon. We hated to see her leave us, but if that was her bliss, we supported her in it. That’s compersion.

“You see a man stop his car and go out of his way to help an elderly person across a busy street and be sure they are safe and able to continue on their way. As you watch, you feel ‘good’ about what you’re seeing – one person helping another. That’s also compersion. You feel good about someone else rather than get jealous or angry or some other negative emotion.”

Mac said, “So, if I were to also be going out with some other stud, you’d be happy for me?”

“I would. I want you to be happy and safe and loved. If those components aren’t there, maybe with someone else, I’d talk to you or warn you, but I wouldn’t get angry or threaten you or break off other plans that we might have made. I really would hope you’d have a great time.”

“So, you’d never expect to be exclusive with me?”

I shook my head. “No, but the philosophy I share with Mel is much broader than just that. I want you to be in synergistic relationships in every part of your life, such that you are growing and evolving intellectually, physically, and spiritually – mind, body, and spirit. I want to help make those experiences happen for you.

“Forcing you to be exclusive with me, shuts that door to any other person that comes along offering you some of those experiences – especially the ones that I can’t. I don’t want to possess you, like a chattel. I want to support you, be sure you’re safe without being oppressive, and contribute to you happiness about life.

“I will try to be non-judgmental about what you do, respect you at all times, and deal candidly with you in the spirit of equality and honestly. I will make a commitment to you, but we will not own each other.

Mackenzie asked, “How does monogamy fit into all this?”

I smiled, “It doesn’t. Let me ask, how many people can you love?”

Mac smiled, “This is a trick question, right? I grew up being taught one – but I can see from your philosophy that this answer is many.”

“I grew up the same way,” I told her. “Love is not a zero-sum game, where if I love you, I don’t love Mel or someone else. For me, it’s a growing-sum game; if I love you, I just ‘added’ to the amount of love I’m giving out. I’m certainly not planning on taking any of my love from Mel. I’ve just spent the past four years with Mel unlearning that monogamy meme. It’s limiting.

“There’s also the difference between conditional and unconditional love. Most marriages are conditional. I’ll love you so long as you do certain things and not do others. Dating being one of those things.

“In a conditional relationship, I can have lunch with any male that I meet, but never with any woman, regardless of her background or what she might teach me in some manner.

“Unconditional love, removes all those strictures.”

Mackenzie asked, “Will you ever get married to Mel?”

I responded, “We might get married, but it won’t fit the traditional model. We’ll have a very dynamic relationship, and I’m certain it’ll involve others, either directly in the relationship, the way Joy was, or peripherally, the way you and Gary are right this minute. We’re open to ideas and willing to try all sorts of arrangements and concepts.”

Mac commented, “Adaptive to change rather than threatened by change.”

“Right. I like that. I may use that. It does create a mindset.”

Mac shifted, sipped her martini, and posed, “What do you say to someone that says what you’re doing is all wrong?”

I chuckled, “Several things, probably. First, I must remember that those that care, don’t matter; and those that matter, don’t care. Second, if I may quote from Hamlet, ‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so’. This ties back to the idea of compersion too.

“If I think something is bad, I guess it is – at least for me. If I change my mind, and redefine whatever it is as good, then that’s what it becomes for me. Is Mel going out with Gary and me seeing you bad? Good? Neither? Both? How you answer that changes your whole attitude about the people involved.

“If you think it’s bad, then we’re cheaters, perverts, and rogues, doing damage to the fabric of humanity. If good, then you nod and move happily along with your own life.”

I turned to Mac, “What do you think about all that I’ve just said? What do you think about continuing our dating with all that as background, for instance?”

Mackenzie sipped her drink and stared at me over the rim. “Second question first; I want to keep dating you and all that implies. I think the open dating you have is good, but sure different from how I was raised. First question second; you are deep. I’m intrigued by everything you said and want to think about it, but I want it to sit with me a bit. Can we talk some more sometime later – not tonight?”

“For sure.”

“Then drink up, and let’s go back to my condo. All this has made me very horny. You’ve made me very needy for your brand of loving.”