Chapter 6

Crouched down with her skirt bunched up at her waist and her knees apart, she was spread open and ready, and with one swift and well-practiced move, Katie shoved the vibrator into her “special place.” She almost moaned as the multiple ridges ran over her labia. A slight grunt did escape her lips when the prong part hit her clitoris. Her other hand ran under her shirt and started pulling on an already fully-erect nipple.

Tugging roughly on her breast, she pumped the vibrator in and out with such ferocity and speed, she was actually causing friction that warmed up her insides. She was in no mood for a slow, sensual session and the heat was just adding to the sensation, anyway. She could hear faint, wet slurping sounds, almost vulgar, but she was used to that sound. She enjoyed it. It was a comforting sound to her. She knew that she didn’t have a lot of time and she certainly didn’t want to take a lot of time to get there, so she let go of her nipple and shoved a finger into herself alongside the vibrator.

The extra tightness was exquisite, but this was not what she was after.

After pushing her finger in and out a few times, it was fully coated with her juices – she always had plenty of that – Katie pulled her finger out of her front and brought it to her nose. She inhaled the heady aroma. She hungrily stuffed it into her mouth and savored the sweet tang. She imagined that it was the illicit taste of Cynthia.

A moment later, she pushed her finger back into herself, wiggled it a little, and pulled it out again. But rather than stuff it back into her still watering mouth, Katie reached further down. Her flexibility from gymnastics always came in handy here. She rubbed her finger over her sensitive anus and as quickly as she had rammed the vibrator into her front, she shoved her finger into her back end.

She paused for a second to clear her swimming head, and then started alternatingly pushing the vibrator in and pulling her finger almost out, then pushing her finger in and pulling the vibrator almost out. ‘I really need to get another vibrator,’ she thought to herself. ‘Maybe a big one, like Cynthia has.’ But she could look into that later. Little did she know just how big a role sex toys, body piercings, and assorted playthings would factor into her future.

But with her finger and her small vibrator furiously pumping inside her, she had a mission.

The fleeting relief that a quick orgasm would bring her.

Katie thought of Cynthia. Her rounded face. Her silky, light blonde hair that hung just past her shoulders. Her breasts. Katie was a “breast girl,” for sure. Maybe a sex therapist would classify it as “breast envy” or something? She brought the image of her friend’s breasts into her mind’s eye. Round-ish, but with their size, gravity always pulled them slightly down, distorting their shape a little. Smooth with a road map of thin blue-ish veins just under the almost golden hue of her tight skin.

Oh, how Katie longed to trace those lines with her fingers. Trace them with her tongue. Cynthia’s breasts had dark, pink nipples surrounded by large, oval areolas. Katie’s deepest fantasy was to lick those areolas, gently teasing Cynthia until finally giving each fat nipple a soft kiss. Then sucking them into her waiting mouth. To tenderly roll Cynthia’s ripe nipples around with her tongue.

Actually, that wasn’t her deepest fantasy.

No.

Her deepest fantasy was to do all of that to Cynthia’s huge boobs. All tender and sweet and gentle and loving. While Cynthia rammed a vibrator in and out of her like Katie was doing to herself, now. Rough. Hard. Fast. Angry. Katie could only imagine how rough Cynthia could be to her. Biting her. Slapping her. Shoving things inside her. And Katie would beg for more.

Deep down, Katie felt that she deserved to be hurt. That she wasn’t worthy of love. Although she kept those feelings buried way down inside, sometimes, especially while masturbating, they bubbled up to the surface.

‘Why can’t I just be normal, like everyone else?’ she thought to herself. ‘A therapist would have a field day with me!’

A few more alternating pumps and Katie could feel it happening.

With an animalistic grunt, she pushed both the vibrator and her finger as far into her as she could manage. She squeezed her eyes shut so hard that she saw little bursts of stars. ‘Oh, Cynthia!’ Katie silently screamed in her mind while an orgasm washed over her. Just one, but powerful enough to almost rock her off the balls of her feet. Sweat dripped down her cheeks mixed with tears. The crying almost always happened immediately following an orgasm. The guilt and pain of her secret love mixed with the self-loathing for feeling that way was simply tearing her apart.

Katie was good at hiding it from the world, but not always good at keeping it hidden from herself.

For a long minute, she stayed crouched down by the wall. Hunched over and alone, crying. The forgotten finger still in her backside. The forgotten vibrator still in her front. Katie didn’t even feel it anymore. All she felt was regret.

Loneliness and regret.

She thought to herself that she couldn’t keep living like this. She was eighteen and had never been on a date. She’d never been on a date because she was much too desperately in love with one of her best friends.

And the insurmountable pain of needing to keep it locked inside her prevented her from feeling virtually any other emotions.

Other than guilt and self-hatred, of course.

It was a lot of heavy baggage to lug through life. Katie simply couldn’t live that way anymore. Katie was horribly afraid that she would do something terrible to herself if she didn’t finally get these feelings out of her.

Sadly, Katie only saw two options.