Chapter 8

~Thursday, October 9th~

I woke up pissed. A grunt of annoyance filled the room as I threw the covers off my body and got up to start the day. My mood did not improve. Every little delay added to my anger. The worst was when I was pulling up a clean pair of panties; I actually managed to trip and fall face first onto the floor. My tits hurt from landing hard, and my naked ass was in the air.

“Fuck!” I snapped, punching the carpeted floor.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out why I was upset. My date yesterday sucked. Ron didn’t deserve to be my first kiss, and yet, he was. He always would be. Nothing I could do would change that fact. The thoughts made me reconsider what I was doing with my list of twenty-five acts.

Would I have these same regrets when I lost my virginity? No, I couldn’t think that way. I had a plan, I had to stick to it. Life was passing me by, and I was letting it. No more. Ron may have been an asshole, but he was not going to disrupt my plans.

After taking a few deep breaths to calm down, I finished getting ready. I was dressed in casual clothes, my dainty feet covered by thick, comfortable socks as I sat down to log in for the day. As I worked, I texted with my sister.

Alyssa: You okay? I know bad dates suck.

Suzie: Yeah, I’m okay. It bothered me, but I won’t let this stop my plans.

Alyssa: Good! We need to get you laid!

Suzie: One step at a time. :P

Alyssa: I really don’t understand how you go so long without sex.

Suzie: Why is that?

Alyssa: Don’t you get an itch to have your pussy filled?

Suzie: Sure, that’s why I masturbate.

Alyssa: I know that can take the edge off, but even a dildo isn’t the same as getting pounded.

Suzie: That’s why I want to lose my virginity. I want to feel that way.

Alyssa: I’m glad, I’m just shocked you lasted so long.

Suzie: You just made me realize I’ve never asked you about your first time?

Alyssa: Are you asking now?

Suzie: Yes.

Alyssa: I lost my virginity right before starting college.

Suzie: Not prom night? I know you went with your boyfriend.

Alyssa: Nah, I wasn’t ready. I sucked a lot of dick though. I think I gave him a dozen blowjobs.

Suzie: In one night?

Alyssa: Yeah! My belly was full of cum!

Suzie: And not to get distracted, but it sounds like you understand not being ready. :P

Alyssa; Yeah, yeah, I get it. I am a woman. Still, you’re twenty-four. Not eighteen.

Suzie: Whatever. Just get back to your story.

Alyssa: Lance was going away to college. I spread my legs the night before his flight.

Suzie: Isn’t that when you broke up? You had sex knowing you’d never see him again?

Alyssa: I wanted to have sex! And a lot of women lose their cherry at the end of a relationship.

Suzie: I didn’t know that. How was it?

Alyssa: Eh. He came in about five thrusts the first time. Such a tease.

Suzie: He must have been embarrassed!

Alyssa: Definitely! I kept telling him it was okay. Then I sucked him hard again.

Suzie: How was the second time?

Alyssa: Better. He lasted longer on top of me, but he still couldn’t make me cum.

Suzie: Sorry.

Alyssa: It happens. Lance knew how to get me off with his tongue, at least.

Suzie: What does that feel like?

Alyssa: Fucking amazing! You’ll love it, Suzie! There’s nothing like a tongue on your clit.

Suzie: Once I find the guy I’m willing to let down there.

Alyssa: We’ll get you comfortable enough. Trust me, my favorite future-slut! :)

Suzie: Thanks, I guess. :P

Work got in the way of my texting, and I had to set my phone down to get back to transcribing. At least my job was easy. The sounds of my typing filled the room as I listened to the monotonous voice of the doctor. I continued until it was time for lunch.

Setting my plate of food down on my desk, I played on my phone while eating. Exploring my two dating apps, I deleted a few dick pics, replied to a couple of messages, ignored others, and I blocked a few creeps. Then I went through profiles, swiping on guys, approving some and disapproving others. I also started a text conversation with Dave, since we didn’t really talk yesterday.

Suzie: How’s it going?

Dave: Better now that I’m talking to a lovely lady. ;)

Suzie: Oh yeah? Anyone I know?

Dave: I’m not sure, but you’d love her! She’s smart, beautiful, and funny.

Suzie: You should definitely ask her out.

Dave: I’m trying, but she’s really shy. I want to make sure she’s comfortable.

Suzie: Aren’t you sweet! :*

Dave: I try. :* How are you?

Suzie: Eh.

Dave: Something wrong?

Suzie: Had a bad date last night.

Dave: Oh ... do you wanna talk about it?

Suzie: Not much to talk about. I blocked him, life goes on.

Dave: Yeah, true.

Suzie: Anyway, how’s work? :)

Dave: Fine, I guess.

Suzie: You okay?

Dave: I’m fine.

Suzie: You’re not jealous, are you?

Dave: Honestly? Yeah, I am. :( Sorry, I know I have no right to be. It’s just, I really like you...

Despite feeling some guilt, a small smile crossed my face as I contemplated the fact that someone was actually jealous over me. Little Suzie. I wasn’t sure what to do, I was also anxious about the fact that he felt so strongly about me so fast. He didn’t seem like some creepy stalker, so I figured I’d be fine.

It did make some sense, I mean, we confided in each other quite a bit. I told him about my anxiety, about how sheltered I was. He was very understanding, very sweet. Very kind. Letting out a breath, I felt my anxiety pass as I accepted that his feelings were understandable.

Suzie: I like you, too! I’m just not ready for anything serious, so I’m kind of playing the field.

Dave: I understand. You’re the only one I’m talking to, but I get it. We haven’t even met yet.

Suzie: Maybe we can talk about changing that soon.

Dave: Really?

Suzie: Yeah, I think so. I’m really anxious, but I have to live my life.

Dave: That makes me happy. :)

Suzie: How about I call you after dinner tonight? You’ve never even heard my voice. :P

Dave: I’d like that. I have plans with friends after work, but I could call you in the evening?

Suzie: It’s a date!

Dave: I’m a lucky guy. ;)

Back to work! I left my phone on the desk as I typed away for another four hours. Then I made dinner for my mom and I. Dad was working late and Daniel out to eat with friends. Mom and I sat down to a nice meal as we enjoyed each others company.

“This is delicious, Suzie. Thank you.” Mom said after swallowing a bite of chicken.

“I’m glad you like it.” I smiled and popped a piece of broccoli in my mouth.

“How was your date last night?” she followed up with.

“We decided not to continue seeing each other.” I answered carefully.

“I’m sorry, Honey.” Mom pouted sadly.

“It’s okay.” I shrugged. “Alyssa gave me a couple of dating sites to try.”

“That’s great!” she exclaimed. “I’m really glad you’re putting yourself out there now.”

“It’s hard.” I mumbled. “I get so anxious.”

“I know,” Mom sighed, “but that’s partly because you haven’t had any practice. The more you go out, the easier it will be.”

“Yeah, I’m going to a party with Alyssa Friday night.” I said.

“Good for you, Suzie!” she complimented. “I’m proud of you.”

“Dating is tough since, you know, I’ve never...” I trailed off as I looked up from my plate and locked eyes with Mom.

“You’ve never been with a man.” Mom finished for me.

My Mom knew I was a virgin. I’d confirmed it several times. She and I had a very open and honest relationship. I confided in her about a lot of things, my hopes, my fears. Mom was a great listener, and I was so lucky that she was my mother.

“Yeah...” I trailed off.

“Sex isn’t what makes you an adult.” she reasoned. “You have a full time job. You pay your own way. Sure, you still live here, but you are making a lot of progress. It won’t happen overnight.”

“I know.” I nodded. “I’ll probably be ready to move out someday, but not anytime soon.”

“You can stay here as long as you need.” Mom told me.

“Thanks, Mom.” I smiled. “My point was just that everyone I date will have a lot more experience.”

“I’m sure that makes things tough.” she replied, sympathizing with me. “The right guy won’t care. He’ll see what an amazing woman you are, and that’s all he’ll care about.”

I just nodded before resuming my meal. Mom and I then ate in silence as I contemplated her words. Was I going about this the wrong way? Should I be looking for love instead of just trying to get a penis inside me?

No. No, I had to get past this anxiety. I had to go out and experience life. If love came, it came. I’d be very happy about it, but it wasn’t what I was trying to accomplish. I was trying to create a confident Suzie who could live her life. I didn’t need a man’s help for that. I had to be independent, not tied down.

Mom and I finished eating dinner, then we each had a bowl of ice cream for dessert. I loved chocolate. As a thank you for dinner, Mom insisted on cleaning up. I tried to help, but she shooed me away, telling me to go relax.

I went to my bedroom and changed into my pajamas. Curling up in bed, I put on my comfort show and watched a few episodes. The sun slowly set, and soon only darkness was pouring through my small window. Finally, Dave texted me that he was home. Then he called me.

“Hi!” I answered nervously, my voice shaky.

“Hey, Suzie.” Dave replied. “No need to be nervous. It’s just me.”

“Thanks.” I giggled. “So, this is my voice!”

“I love it.” he told me. “You sound so sweet!”

“Your voice is very comforting.” I said. “Soothing. I like it.”