Chapter 72: Reality Distortion Field

Thursday, March 7, 1985

Lindsay and I said goodbye after class. She was heading home, just as Claire was. No big trips. She, too, was jealous of ours, but figured her time would come.

She’d gone out with Paula again and, while not a wild success, there seemed to be something there. They’d at least gotten to the kissing part of things.

After talking about it a bit, Lindsay shook her head.

“You’re almost like a girlfriend,” she said, chuckling. “I mean, I can’t imagine talking with another guy about this and it not being weird. There are still lines, but ... it’s just unusual. I like it! But it’s unusual.”

“Unusual is good,” I said. “There are plenty of reasons to ‘fit in,’ but fewer to just ‘conform.’”

“Yeah,” she said. “I agree. I mean, obviously! Gay girl here!”

I chuckled.

“Definitely! March to the beat of your own drummer!”

“Have a great Spring Break, Steve! And don’t break anything!”

“I will try not to! Have a great trip yourself.”

“Other than my parents being slightly disappointed in me — like always — I’m sure I will. They know not to be too disappointed. I’ll stay away if they get too snotty.”

I chuckled a bit again.

“That’s good leverage with parents.”

“I know!”

We hugged, then went our separate ways.

We started studying right when we got home, spending time going over likely subjects for the accounting exam while eating dinner. Ang and I really had the material down cold, I thought, while Cammie and Paige were comparatively struggling. That meant they were most likely still among the top students in the class.

Meanwhile, Mel was at the library, working on engineering exam prep with some of her gang. She was, after all, the engineer out of our group, and her mind ‘worked that way’ more than even mine.

Part of me found it funny that Mel was ‘the engineer’ and not me. I’d passed on that in this life, though, and had no intention of revisiting it. Laura was ‘the engineer’ of us ‘returnees,’ and she was welcome to it. She was the only one pursuing the same path, after all. Her career had never been ‘the problem’ for her, after all.

Not that mine had been ‘the problem,’ either, but I saw far more opportunities in business than engineering. Laura had been (was!) brilliant in her field. I had been above average in mine. That was the difference.

About half an hour after we’d wrapped up the accounting work, Angie tapped my shoulder. I was doing a bit of last-minute psych studying on the living room couch. I’d been by myself for the moment, with Jas still studying in the basement with some of her Journalism group and Cammie and Paige upstairs.

“Got a moment?” she said, smiling.

“Sure,” I said. “What’s up?”

“Plots and plans,” she said. “Basement?”

“Isn’t Jas down there?” I said.

“Oh! Right!” she said. “Maybe your bedroom?”

“Okay,” I said, feeling a bit mystified.

We headed into the bedroom, with Angie closing the door.

“What’s up?” I said.

“We’re ... um ... there’s stuff going on in Houston,” she said. “We don’t want to cut you out of it, but ... well, here’s the thing.”

I nodded, listening.

Angie gathered herself, then said, “Look, we all know you’re a leader.”

“We’re all leaders,” I said. “Not just me.”

She made a bit of a scoffing sound and waved her hand.

“Fine! I mean, as far as it goes. It doesn’t go far enough, though. You’re a leader of leaders. That goes back years. It’s not new.”

“I must have missed the memo,” I said, chuckling.

She nodded.

“That’s fair,” she said. “You’re modest and you don’t really care about being a leader, so much as you have a very strong sense of what’s right and wrong and what people should do, and ... you have this thing, this ‘reality distortion field’ — yes, I know where that comes from! — where people naturally buy into what you’re doing. You kept trying to make Mike a leader of Study Group, for instance. Never happened! Then, when you said ‘Gay people are fine!’, everyone said ‘Well, that’s it, then. Gay people are fine!’ and moved on like it was no big deal. Which it wasn’t, but back then, even Mike himself might have balked — even given his sister! — except you changed our reality and he bought into it.”

“I’m ... still listening,” I said, hearing truth in it, but also wondering where this was going.

“Look at Student Council. Tom Myerson — who’s good at this — hand-picks Tony Hill to be President. Tony’s a leader, in sports, in school. Who really ran things, in practical terms? You! Tony deferred to you about anything important.”

I started to speak, but she waved her hand and said, “Oh, I’m not saying you were ever at odds. Tony just recognized who the real leader was and handed over the reins. In a way, it’s just like Jess. She wasn’t cheer captain her sophomore year, but Melissa Baker kinda deferred to her. When it was time to pick the new captain, she skipped the juniors and put Jess in charge. Do you ever see a time when Jess wasn’t really in charge, once she got going even a little?”

“Not ... really,” I said, mulling it over.

“Jess hardly ruled with an iron fist or anything. Sometimes she was a little tough, but everyone just got in line. Getting a bunch of cheerleaders in line isn’t easy, except Jess made it seem like a snap of her fingers. That’s you. You get people in line. You’ll dispute this, but Memorial’s success in Debate our three years is you.”

I again started to protest, but she again cut me off.

“I’m not saying the others didn’t work. We all worked our asses off! It’s that you came in, got going, and everyone picked up the pace to match. You led; we followed. It’s that simple. Everyone wanted you to lead — don’t get me wrong. We looked around and suddenly we were kicking ass at a rate previously unheard-of. Only a few people realized the new kid was the reason, but you were the one driving research trips, better practice rounds, and the whole team spirit. Look back at the half a year you were there as a freshman. Was it a team, or twenty or so people kinda working together somewhat?”

I thought about it, then said, “More the latter. Or ... not really. It was a team, but ... well, compared to the other years? Yeah, back to ‘more the latter.’”

“That changed like a switch when you really got going.”

“You, too,” I said.

“I followed your lead,” she said. “You knew what you were doing. I was still half-terrified I was in over my head! I just hid it well.”

“Where is this all going?” I said.

“Cammie’s gotten something rolling. Okay, well, no. Someone else got it rolling — and it’s really their thing, in truth, and always will be — but ... well, now Cammie is running with it, and it really matters to her a lot. It’s just barely rolling right now. I’ll let her explain it more, but Paige and I are involved — partly because we have to be — and so is Mel. In some ways, I’d say it’s Mel’s project because we’re leveraging her Social Committee skills, but Mel wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t big for Cammie, and Cammie wouldn’t be doing it if someone else hadn’t asked her to. Anyway, the point is, we don’t want to cut you out, but Cammie and Mel need to lead this thing, at least within our little family. We need to get Paige and me something to lead, too, but this isn’t it. We’re assisting Cammie and Mel, not leading. Anyway, if you help out, you’ll wind up leading it. You won’t want to, but it’ll happen. Even your own reticence isn’t what’s preventing that with GSS, it’s Marco being the same sort of guy you are. Well, not that way, but you know what I mean!”

“I get it. Marco’s definitely a leader.”

“We’re going to keep this at arm’s length,” she said. “Lots of quiet conversations, stuff like that. You’ll be a fan, I promise, but we ... I could have said it’s about ‘plausible deniability,’ but you wouldn’t be denying it. It’s just about Cammie and Mel spreading their wings a bit more and helping build something they want to build.”

“I’m good with that,” I said. “All of you kick ass. Jas and Paige, too, of course. We all should be leaders.”

“We should!” she said. “You’re the captain of our team, though, and you always will be. I’ll be the captain of my part of things, but my things are part of our team, which puts you in charge. I know, it’s a democratic team and we all get a vote — and we’ll use it! — but you have your reality distortion field, and we all think that’s a good thing.”

“I ... can work with that,” I said.

“Mostly because you have no choice,” she said, giggling a bit. “It’s either kicking us out of the nest — which you’d never do — or leading.”

“Interesting analogy,” I said.

“Don’t take it too far,” she said, giggling a bit more. “Thinking of Jas or Paige — or me! — as your kids wouldn’t go well.”

“It would go very badly,” I said, chuckling.

“Okay, that’s my part. Cammie wants to explain what’s happening. I’ll go get her.”

“Sounds good,” I said. “And thanks! You were right — this really only works coming from you.”

“I know,” she said. “We have the same big-picture experience. If anyone else was going to lead, it would probably be me, but I’m happier following just a hair’s breadth behind.”

“I’m good with that. Start saying ‘two steps behind... ‘“

“And I’m echoing Cammie’s parents. I know!” she said, giggling and getting up. “Back shortly!”

She was gone only a minute or so. I’d guessed Cammie was waiting, so that wasn’t a surprise.

“Angie talked to you?” she said, looking a trifle nervous.

“She did, and it’s fine. I mean, it’s always been fine.”

“I know, but ... it feels like we’re cutting you out of things.”

“Cut away! You guys have been forming your own group at GSS, mostly without me.”

“That’s a bit different...” Angie began, but Cammie shook her head.

“No,” she said, “It’s not really different. This is ‘our people,’ too.”

“Well ... fine,” Angie said.

“So,” Cammie said, “The thing is, we’ve been in touch with Anne.”

“Tell me more,” I said, nodding.

“She’s seeing Natalie Brenner,” Cammie said.

“I can vaguely think of who she might be,” I said.

“Doesn’t really matter,” Cammie said. “I don’t know Natalie well, either. The thing is, Anne and Natalie are pretty much set on going to Memorial’s prom. No big surprise there, I guess. It’s a three-peat for Debate girls, and I’m very happy about that.”