Chapter 69: U2 and Two Twos

Wednesday, February 27, 1985

Claire and I hugged on our way into psych and held hands on the way out.

As we started our walk (Cammie having opted to head off to accounting without me, which made sense), Claire said, “I’ve been thinking.”

“Uh-oh!” I said.

She gave my shoulder a shove with her other hand.

“Jerk!” she said, giggling. “I can think!”

“I was not going to make the ‘That’s why I smell smoke!’ joke,” I said.

She giggled more.

“Okay, that’s funny! Fine. What did you mean?”

“That ‘I’ve been thinking’ often leads to one of the worst phrases a guy can hear: ‘We need to talk.’”

She giggled a bit, but then said, in a more serious tone, “This is ... not that? I don’t think it’s that.”

“Good!” I said.

She smiled and said, “It probably isn’t, anyway. So ... I have been thinking, and mostly what I’ve been thinking about is why I’m doing this.”

“Dating me?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I know you’re committed to Jasmine, and I know you’re not ‘the one.’ I also know Jasmine’s happy with us dating and you know I’m not ‘the one.’ We’re having fun, so it’s all good. The question is: besides some really good making out — which I’m all for! — why am I doing this?”

“That sounds like a question only you can answer,” I said.

She gave me a look.

“That is ... actually, that’s a very interesting answer. Mostly, I’d expect a guy to launch into a series of reasons, some more self-serving than others.”

“That’s not me,” I said. “If this isn’t working for you — not saying it’s not, but if it’s not — then it’s not, and nothing I say can fix it.”

“It’s working for me. I’m not sure exactly why. That’s where maybe you can help.”

“So...” I said, thinking about it. “I think it depends on why you’re dating. I mean, at all, not just with me.”

“To meet someone,” she said immediately.

“Which is working, but your ‘someone’ in there is maybe, implicitly, ‘the’ someone.”

“That ... is true.”

“I’m going to guess that’s not why you were dating a year ago,” I said.

She frowned.

“No, it’s not, and ... maybe ... maybe I’m pushing too fast. Which seems dumb, because you and Jasmine are each other’s ‘the someone,’ and Angie and Paige, and Cammie and Mel...”

“We’re all unusually lucky. That, and Cammie and Mel have been dating for over four years. Jas and I are at three and a half. Angie and Paige are the newcomers and that’s over two years no matter how you count it.”

She nodded slowly.

“Flipping this around, why would you say you’re doing this?” she asked.

“First — and this is honest — the pleasure of your company.”

She giggled.

“Remember what I said about self-serving answers?”

“I remember,” I said, “but it’s true. I have little reason to date if I’m not enjoying spending time with the person I’m dating. Sure, I could fall back on Jasmine suggesting it, but she suggested it because she thought it would be good for both of us. She’s suggested things in the past that haven’t worked for me and it’s been fine. If something seems like it might work, the only way you find out if it does work is to try it.”

She nodded again, then said, “So, that somewhat boils down to ‘fun.’ I have nothing against ‘fun,’ I guess.”

“Fun is good. Think about ... going out to see a movie with a friend, maybe. That doesn’t require a friend who has some chance of being ‘the one.’”

“So you’re saying that calling it ‘dating’ is maybe the problem.”

“Not the name, but your mental image of what ‘dating’ is, maybe. And ‘problem’ is a bit negative. ‘Stumbling block?’ Maybe?”

She nodded again.

“I think I cut you off, since you said ‘first’ earlier.”

“Jasmine suggesting it is a second. The third is in hopes that it’s good for you, which is why I said if it’s not good for you, then we don’t do it.”

“It’s good. I just need to step back and say ‘We’re having fun.’ Kissing ... well, making out, all of that...”

She was getting a bit redder as she went.

“ ... that’s where ... I mean ... that’s ‘dating,’ not just, you know, doing things with a friend. But you’re also right that I did all of that in high school and never thought those guys were going to be ‘the one.’”

“I’m all for you finding ‘the one,’” I said. “That’s a great thing. I’ll more than happily step aside. Part of the question is whether you feel like you’re ready to find ‘the one.’ Another part is: maybe actively dating now will help you, either by making room in your life for romance or helping you figure out what you really want. Let’s assume for a moment — just assuming, this doesn’t need a response — that maybe I’m ‘close’ but not ‘right.’ And, I mean, exclude Jasmine in that. Maybe that tells you ‘Okay, I want this but not that, and this other thing is good but I don’t need it.’”

“That’s ... yeah. That’s good.”

“The flip side of this is that we’re going to develop feelings. I already have...”

She blushed and nodded, squeezing my hand.

“ ... and that’ll make it harder to separate, but knowing from the start we’re not the answer for each other hopefully makes it easier.”

She drew in a deep breath, then let it out.

“Yeah,” she said, nodding. “Both, but ... yeah. Keeping that in mind will make it easier, I think.”

“So?” I said, because we’d gotten to where we usually separated.

“So ... this helped,” she said. “If I think of it as someone to have fun with, and I’m okay with kissing and making out being ‘fun things’ — which I am — that helps.”

“Which takes us back to ‘dating,’” I said. “For me, ‘dating’ is a pretty broad term. I’ve seen a lot of people ‘date’ people who they don’t expect to be ‘the one.’ Sometimes it’s Mister or Miss ‘Right Now.’ Other people can’t do that. You have to do what’s right for you.”

“This ... I mean, I’ll think about it more, but I think this is right for me, and I’m looking forward to this weekend.”

“Dinner and a movie?” I said.

“Yes! You pick! Both of them,” she said, giggling. “Just make sure I’ll like the movie.”

“Of course!” I said. “That’s part of ‘just having fun,’ too.”

“It is!”

We hugged and kissed, then went our separate ways. With dinner up to me, I had some options depending on how many stops I wanted to pull out. Not all that many, this time. It wasn’t a prom or anything, just a date. Still, ‘some’ would be nice, and it suited my style in any case.

Beyond that, the day was a bit of a blur. As soon as we finished accounting, Cammie and I headed home quickly. She wasn’t going with us, of course, but didn’t want to slow me down.

Jas, Paige, and Angie got home not long after I did. They all wanted to change, which took a few minutes. Still, we were on the road by five-thirty after grabbing some fast food on the way out of town. That wasn’t great — ticket time was eight — but shows never start on time, and the drive could be done in an hour and a half.

Well, under ideal conditions, anyway. These were not. We got to Houston as rush hour was fading, but it still took us until seven forty-five to get to The Summit. Parking was its usual nightmare, but we made it to our seats by ten minutes after eight. At least I had the forethought to park in a space that was a long walk from the arena but close to an exit. That, and remembering to back into the parking space!

Not long after we got in our seats, complete with sodas (no beer tonight!) and newly purchased U2 t-shirts, the lights dimmed and the show was underway. The opening act was Red Rider, most notable for ‘Lunatic Fringe’ (not a bad song, but also not a particular favorite).

About an hour in, U2 took the stage, and from that point on, this was one heck of a concert.

Of all of the musical acts I’d seen in this life, somehow U2 was the one that felt the most different, even though they probably weren’t. Willie felt ‘younger,’ but pretty much like Willie. The same was true for Paul Simon and for Bruce Springsteen, for instance.

On the other hand, Bono just felt ‘young.’ Ridiculously young.

I don’t think the issue was actually his age, it’s that their ‘look’ was that of a New Wave band, not the rock’n’roll band they were (now and later). Their hair, their clothes, even some of their mannerisms all said ‘New Wave,’ even if the music did not.

Put Bono (and the rest, but Bono was very much front and center, of course) in the clothes he would wear in just a few years, and the show would have felt very different. I couldn’t wait to see (and hear!) them go through the same changes they’d gone through before. Except, of course, that I could. I’d done it with dozens of other things, after all.

In any case, U2 was very much ‘U2’, and this was classic U2. The audience was fully engaged, most people (including us!) were dancing at their seats or in the aisles at various times along the way, the lighter-raising moments were amazing, and the band looked like they were having a great time.

Well worth the money and the time and hassle. No doubt about it! Getting a second chance was ‘about’ a lot of things, but moments like this would always be a part of it, just as much as dreams about getting rich and changing the world. If we ever lost track of the more simple pleasures of life, or started feeling we were ‘above’ mingling with the crowd at a sold-out concert, it seemed to me we might have betrayed part of the miracle that had become our lives.

The show ended with ‘40’ (though they mixed in a bit of ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’). ‘40’ wasn’t a song I’d known well before the show, but I would always know it after this. Many in the crowd walking out to the parking garage sang it on repeat (and it was a song that works very well ‘on repeat’).

Thanks to the care I’d taken in parking, we were out of the garage and on the freeway less than thirty minutes after the show ended. We hadn’t even tried to use the restrooms in The Summit. Instead, we stopped for gas and toilets on our way to Mom and Dad’s house.

The house was dark when we arrived. Dad had left a paper bag outside the back door with a note saying ‘Steve and Angie.’ It was heavier than I expected (though not all that heavy). When I got back to the car, I gave it to Angie. I doubted she would read it all, but we couldn’t wait to at least look.

Angie grabbed the flashlight we kept in the car and dug into the bag.

“Hey, this is quite a few letters!” she said.

She pulled out one and opened it.

“Such a warm sentiment in this one,” she said.

“Yeah?” Paige said.

“Yup. It said, ‘Fags will burn!’”

There was a groan, and Angie said, “Ow! Hey!”

“Totally deserved,” Paige said, giggling.

“Well ... fair,” Angie said.

She opened another one, and said, after a few seconds, “This one is wordier. It says ‘You lost, we won, too bad, so sad.’ I mean, they used many more words, but that’s the gist of it.”

“Think they’re all like that?” Jas said.

“Probably. I’ll open two more at random,” Angie said.

We heard her open them. After she had, she said, “These are just as sucky. We should look at the rest, but...”

“Then burn them?” Paige said.

Angie laughed.

“You know ... in this case, it’s probably appropriate,” she said.

After that, we spent the rest of the drive going over the show, what it meant to us, and how great it was. Angie put voice to the thoughts I’d had before, saying, “When I first ‘came back,’ this wasn’t what was on my mind. I mean, once I’d gotten my thoughts wrapped around it. It was ‘How do I turn this to my advantage?’, ‘How do I make things up to Mom and Dad?’, and ‘How do I get Iceberg Steve to melt?’ I’ll freely admit that’s probably in order, too, but at least I started with some ‘good’ motives. Still, this is part of the point — just enjoying life with the people I love, doing amazing things I didn’t do before. I’ll happily take megabucks, but I want all of you to force me back to reality if I start acting like money is what matters!”

Paige giggled a bit and said, “Yes, dear.”

That got everyone laughing. Quite a bit, too! Considering I was driving, it was probably more laughter than I should have engaged in.

Once it died down, Paige said, “Sorry! Because I think you make a great point, and I also think it’s just as hard for Jas and me, maybe. I mean, you know who you were before, so maybe it’s different, but we don’t have a ‘before.’ And — to quote the song — ‘money changes everything.’”

“Only, maybe it doesn’t,” Angie said. “I think ... yes and no? Me with money in my first life would have sucked. Maybe it would’ve changed things, but not for the better. The real change isn’t about the money, it’s about how people relate to it. Also — and I think this matters — I didn’t just start chasing money. I intentionally put that aside for awhile while trying to fix me and fix Steve.”