This is a coming of age story about a boy that turns a summer job into a career and all the fun he has along the way.
Size: 648 KB (129,920 words)
Genre: Coming of Age
Sex Contents: Much Sex
Tags: Ma/Fa, mt/ft, mt/Fa, Consensual, Romantic, Heterosexual, School, Sports, Workplace, Orgy, Swinging, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism
Review by Devil95 [other reviews by Devil95]
Reviewed:
When you bake a cake, you have to follow the recipe if you want the cake to taste good. SmokinDriver followed the recipe.
Most people have an event or situation that defines or redefines their life. A good coming of age story must have this, even if it's a simple event like the removal of braces and a chance meeting at a golf course.
Character introduction and development is another key ingredient, especially the main character. Do I know his favorite color or meal? No, but I don't need that information for this story to work. I know that he loves to surf, loves his family, and most importantly, truly cares about others and their well being. He has an attribute that most of us could learn from, he hates gossip. Privacy, not secrecy, is cherished. If one wants to divulge their life, then it's up to them to disclose or not.
I was really worried about a character being introduced in the final chapter. Typically, there isn't enough time for development. While Mary didn't take anything away from the story, she could have been left out, while keeping the story intact.
Third ingredient. Was it entertaining? Regardless of ones likes and dislikes, I believe so. Not only did I want to keep reading, I would have read the story about Don (the main character) if it was a daily recount of his entire life. Hell, I actually learned some things I didn't know about golf, surfing, and air filters, while being entertained.
There is only one aspect to this story that I believe was left out. My guess is that it was forgotten. When giving a final recap of where characters ended up, we need to know only about the significant ones. I knew what happened to Mary, (read above), so why don't I know what happened to Lauren. She was an important person to Don, yet I have no idea if she became an engineer or dropped out of college. Did she go to work for NASA or become a waitress? This is by no means a deal breaker. Just something I wished to have known.
Using a scale of 1-5 surfboards, I would give this 4 and 3/4 surfboards. Worth the time read.
Review by manddscott [other reviews by manddscott]
Reviewed:
Although the title of the story seems to indicate that the story is about a single day, this story is actually about the epiphany that a young man had on that day, and how it shaped and affected his life thereafter.
For plot, I give the story an A+ (9). The author does a good job of expanding the theme, and the story reads like a bit of "How to win friends and influence people" mixed with Sales 101. I like that he ties up the loose ends at the end of the story.
Technical quality is where the story suffers, and it gets a C (6) as a result. Although there were not too many misspellings, the issue with the story lies in the punctuation, specifically the commas. They are often misplaced, and there are parts of the story where there are 3 or 4 commas in a sentence that only needed one.
For personal appeal, an A (8). The story has some real-life lessons that we could all benefit from, particularly those of us in a sales role.
Review by RabbiRabbit [other reviews by RabbiRabbit]
Reviewed:
SmokinDriver apparently wrote this story just for me and forgot to tell me. It has excellent sales tips for high end and low end sales. Prior to retiring I was a high end salesman/trainer and manager. I was a superior salesman, an excellent trainer, and a horrible sales manager. This story hit on all three of those and did it with class and style and most important, accuracy.
The time is the early 80's and if you think the numbers, that is, his earnings, are the stuff of fantasy, think again. OK, they are a off by maybe 10%, maybe even 12%; so what? IT managers in big shops were earning maybe 25K a year, and in the biggest shops maybe 30K. I was earning almost triple that and I was stoned out of my mind and working part time (placing those managers in new jobs).
More to the point, because I was older in the early 80s than our hero, the summer of 1965, the year I was graduated from high school, I made $17,000 in ten weeks. I loved selling encyclopedias. My father, with a relatively high ranking government job was making about the same amount...for the year. Good salesmen make a lot of money, great salesmen make a lot more.
The part of the book that was most annoying to me was that this kid was both a great salesman and had a six point handicap. Even living in Florida and playing golf all the time that is just unbearable, I had a six point handicap on every other hole.
The girls, smokin', the marijuana, smokin', the group sex, nothing but fond memories for an old man, As for the surfing, I have no idea, never, not once, have I ever been on a surf board.
The story is immensely enjoyable. I think it was just as good as the much longer Hindsight 20/20.
And here we come to smokindriver's real talent: he is a story teller. In both stories the core of the plot is a brilliant and utterly believable business idea. The whole secret to success in business, besides the obvious hard work and enough capital, is to find a vacuum and expand into it, essentially: build a better mouse trap. In both stories the protagonist does exactly that, all the while getting an unholy amount of first class pussy.
The only real shortcoming is the need for a better proofreader; and even the small typos cannot take away from this most enjoyable if too damned short, read. I wanted more.
smokinndriver, thank you.
