Jen had been hoping for a new start. She never dreamt her new life would lead her in such an unbelievable way. So she stood at her self-imposed post, scanning the area, using her gifts, to make sure those she cared for were safe.
Size: 407 KB (80,745 words)
Genre: Fiction
Sex Contents: Minimal Sex
Tags: Romantic, Science Fiction, Extra Sensory Perception
Review by manddscott [other reviews by manddscott]
Reviewed:
Humanity is evolving, and the government wants to control the evolution, while many people simply want to kill those who are freaks or different.
The story has a lot of potential, but I feel like it is a story which has just started. The author goes into many side stories, but fails to provide the background necessary to flesh the story out. For a plot score, I give it a B (7). It is better than average, but has a lot more needed.
For a story in which multiple people are credited for editing, this story simply has too many errors. Most of the errors are in homophones, but a number are not. It is a "court martial", not a "court marshal". A girl gets "hoarse", not "horse" unless she is becoming an animal. "Crunching mettle" should be "crunching metal". Add in a few to/too/two errors, some your/you're mistakes, all mixed in with a number of others, and the story simply earns an average C (6) score for technical merit. Frankly, it almost feels like someone purposely placed incorrect words to see if someone would notice. It was almost as bad as some of the texting autocorrect issues, or a bad voice recognition software.
For appeal, the story just does not do it for me. I like fantasy and sci-fi, but I like my stories to have more meat to their bones. This story felt like the author started to outline the story and give the briefest of details, but never went back and gave it the substance to back up the outline. As such, it gets an average C (6). The story starts with a ton of potential. Unfortunately, it does not meet the challenge in this iteration.
