Wesley (Jeff) Jeffers skips out on a three week Love Boat cruise to find an interesting surprise when he gets home, and a pot full of adventure. Many of these codes will appear in later chapters. The base story is done, and I will submit as I clean up the edits.
Size: 281 KB (54,375 words)
Genre: Action/Adventure
Sex Contents: Some Sex
Tags: Ma/Fa, Fa/Fa, Consensual, Romantic, Rape, Heterosexual, Fiction, Science Fiction, Extra Sensory Perception, Paranormal, Interracial, Oral Sex
Review by The Black Knight [other reviews by The Black Knight]
Reviewed:
Seeing as Ronbry will soon begin posting on the continuation of this story, I thought it was time to take a look at his first major work. I think it's only fair that I admit I am one of the editors who worked on this story, but in my own defense, I didn't start at the beginning. After re-reading it, I can see there is very good reason to go back and fix it. I take full responsibility for the technical flaws in the last half of the chapters posted, though. I should have done much better.
That out of the way, there are other problems with this story. In particular, it was miscoded; specifically, there was Mm and cheat elements which weren't listed. As those are commonly unpopular (or at least have the most vocal groups who dislike them) I believe that readers should have been warned of those elements' existence.
Another issue - and I warned Ronbry of this at the time - is the story 'concludes' at the wrong time. As he has received abuse enough on this issue, I again take responsibility for not arguing persuasively enough on the issue.
All that said, if one can look past those flaws (and the somewhat confusing shifts in narrative voice, which is intentional) then this is a good story. It may be derivative, (I mean, how many 'Atlantis' stories have there been lately?) but then considering how much of what is published on SOL tends to be derivative, who cares? The characters are interesting, many of them are multi-dimensional, and multiple plot threads get tangled (I'd say woven, but it occurs far too quickly for that) during a fast-paced story.
Overall, I considered this one very entertaining, but disappointing in the ways I've mentioned. I'd suggest people wait on reading this one until it gets re-edited, unless they can overlook the technical deficiencies. And, to those who like reading complete stories, rather than deal with cliffhangers, I'd suggest only reading until the end of chapter 11.
