Story about a schoolgirl enslaved by the neighbours son.
Size: 826 KB (159,219 words)
Incomplete and Inactive
Genre: Erotica
Sex Contents: Much Sex
Tags: mt/ft, Teenagers, NonConsensual, Blackmail, MaleDom, First
Review by Ivan_Ronical [other reviews by Ivan_Ronical]
Reviewed:
Ah, that feeling when I realize I've stumbled upon yet another unfinished story and have reached the end of it. Why can't I quit you, SOL?
"Schoolgirl Slave" is a misleadingly-named story about a boy with conveniently absent parents and a girl who is secretly a porn star, directed by M. Night Shamalamamalanamalan. Two thirds of the previous statement are inaccurate, but I'll leave it to readers of the review to determine which.
Richard, our hero who I'll whimsically call "Dick" for the remainder of the review, grew up as the BFF of his neighbour, Janet. They were together every second of every day and had lots of fun enjoying platonic activities. Suddenly and without warning, puberty hit, and Janet got involved with some popular kids who couldn't stand Dick because he has a dick, and they forced her to cut off all contact with him in order to remain part of the cool kids club. Or something. I confess that while this was the foundation of the story and Dick's motivation through the entire thing, it wasn't adequately explained and didn't make much sense--the latter of these two adding more depth to the story because teenage girls are so obviously confusing and irrational.
After years of being tormented by his former BFF's unexplained withdrawal, Dick becomes a master computer hacker and, using this supernatural power, deus ex machinas Janet's hidden diary off her computer. The diary, termed "The Most Realistic Teenage Girl Diary In History" by a team of diary experts, allows Dick to blackmail Janet into becoming his sex slave. He then proceeds to use her as his private sperm bank between his alternating bouts of complete hatred and total devotion.
The selling point of this story is, without a doubt, the characters. I'm not sure I would call them believable, but they're always congruent with themselves, and they have very clear personalities. The perspective shifts constantly between them on a paragraph-by-paragraph basis which ignores time; frequently the narration describes events from Dick's point of view and then jumps right into Janet to describe her feelings on what just happened as it happens again. A bit confusing at first, but it grew on me. Character development is also present, though very slow, and the story ends just as I was expecting some climactic resolution on this front.
I do not recommend reading "Schoolgirl Slave" to anyone who is easily offended by constant misspellings, homonym/homophone misuse, grammar issues, or an extremely British author. I wouldn't say that issues resulting from these things prevented me from understanding anything in the story, but it was a noticeable nuisance, and an editor is certainly on my wish list if the author decides to finish the story.
As the title and description imply, this story is all about sex. Not a single chapter after the intro goes by without being mostly about sex, and it takes something like ten chapters just to get through the first day of the story because of all the fucking going on.
This story would normally be one that I'd avoid. There's a huge focus on things which are normally squicks for me (BDSM, more on the SM side; humiliation), but I recently read "Summer Training" and its sequel by T.S. Fesseln (reviews pending), and I was intrigued by the similarity of this story's description. Short summary: they are entirely different.
Looking over what I've written, I feel that I've been a bit more negative than my average review, which wasn't my intent when I set out. I think the author put a lot of work into creating two interesting and conflicting personalities, and I think that Fantasy Stories succeeded in making those personalities into a pair of truly fucked up kids. The sex scenes, which are certainly the focus, are hot and well-written from an action standpoint. A great job on both fronts.
I'll close by saying that while the name of this story implies that there is a school involved, there is not. I can only speculate that perhaps the unwritten third leg of the story would have seen the characters returning to school and living their lives outside of the constant sex, but I suppose I may never know, and that's a shame considering the work which went into making me care about these two crazies.
Review by Knave of Hearts [other reviews by Knave of Hearts]
Reviewed:
Fantasy Stories has definitely set a high standard for BDSM stroke stories with 'Schoolgirl Slave'. Fifteen chapters along and, although the plot is only starting to really kick in, it has been a hot ride all the way.
In the story, young Richard wants revenge against the beautiful but vain Janet. They had been best friends but she callously dumped him to become part of the in crowd. Now, he's blackmailing her into becoming his sex slave. The more he degrades her, the more she finds that she likes it.
By the end of this first of three installments, she is giving in to her desire for more while he's torn between having her as a slave and loving her as his girlfriend.
This story shows all the signs of developing into a novella, complete with characters we care about and a lot that keeps us reading.
I look forward to the next two sections (promised in the introduction) to see how Richard's mastery over Janet ends up.
