Bethany starts a business making and selling clothing for the More Adventurous Young Ladies.
Size: 96 KB (18,437 words)
Genre: Fiction
Sex Contents: Much Sex
Tags: Consensual, Fiction, Gang Bang, Exhibitionism, Public Sex, Small Breasts, ENF
Review by Eddie Davidson [other reviews by Eddie Davidson]
Reviewed:
Full Disclosure Vanessa Evans is one of my favorite writers on the site along with Vulgus, Mike McGifford, and MaryS. As such, I am typically openly biased toward anything they write.
However, I will say that I did not enjoy this story as much as I thought I would.
The set up is great: Vanessa often paints quirky British girls who like to show off their titties and who enjoy sex. The problem with that is the same one that I have in my own writing. There is a point where the reader feels like "Have I heard this before"?
I have a running gag/easter egg that almost all the neighbors in my stories are named "Mr. Johnson". He's usually a perv that spends all day watering his bushes in the hopes of catching a glimpse of titty at the main character's house. You can assume he's the same guy who just happens to keep moving around the world and ends up with the world's strangest neighbors. However, I usually make him a background character that's flavor. Kind of like how Adam Sandler writes a part for Rob Schneider to say "YOU CAN DO IT" in a lusty Spanish accent in every movie he makes.
In this case, the main character to YLFE is almost the same exhibitionist from stories such as "I never did like long skirts" and "Is it okay for girls to be naked in front of men".
Those are amazing stand alone stories, but the main character could almost be the same woman just at a different stage in her life.
Which if that were the case, I probably wouldn't have even made this observation. What is disappointing about Bethany in this story is that I know Vanessa is capable of so much more in her writing.
I've seen it. I've read it. it's why I love her stories. She could breathe live into Bethany by giving her more nuance.
It's however a two chapter story and that CAN be difficult.
I noticed a few tiny spelling and grammatical errors (unfortunately the author has turned off contact so I can't make her aware). I can find them in the writing of others but I have a dickens of a time rooting them out of my own writing.
Overall, the plot involves a clothing shop for adventurous women and there are some fun conversations and scenarios to be had, but I was wanting more. A possible conflict or twist. A great example would be if Bethany had her mum come to the store and admire the clothes/try them on, or there is a dom that drops by and asks her to sub for him. We never see him again. He sort of ambles off out of the shop.
It may have been fun also if the plumbing stopped working and "adventurous girls" (name of the shop) have to use the loo out in the alley. That's just a personal preference.
I'll give the plot a 6 because it was good, but not exceptional. I'd give a 9.8 on technical if I could because it's hardly fair to lose an entire point for a few mistakes. Appeal I leave N/a because if you like her stories you will probably enjoy this.
Spanking, bondage, more public nudity, and perhaps sharing her excitement of thrills and humiliation would have made it fantastic.
