Marty Hoffman Ex Navy Seal was a boat Captain for a underwater repair company. While diving he came upon something that changed his life forever. Tom Hoffman,his nephew,works with him and they make a fortune.Their is Mystery,and a lot of action.
Size: 113 KB (22,857 words)
Genre: Time Travel
Sex Contents: No Sex
Tags: Fiction, Mystery, Rags To Riches, Time Travel
Review by manddscott [other reviews by manddscott]
Reviewed:
This story reads like someone just typed a stream of consciousness. Even as short as it is, I could not finish it, thus no score for plot or appeal.
Technical score is a D (5). The author really needs a good editor to separate and organize the story. It seems to jump from one point to the other with little cohesion. The story appears to have some real promise, but it is hard to tell. There are paragraphs that are an entire page long because of the lack of separation and some run-on sentences. If this story were properly paced and edited, it would likely be twice as long, without leaving the reader wondering what they just read.
If the author corrects these issues, they can let me know and I would be glad to try to go back and reread the work and re-score it.
