Forum: Author Hangout

Dayum, I was hoping someone could remind me of the expert's name and their exact quote. I have a feeling it's quite old.

Ernst Stavro Blofeld was the Bond villain. I've read a few thrillers and cop novels where the tough-guy male protagonist was single or divorced but owned a cat, something which added nothing to the plot but was presumably there to show the character's softer side.

AJ

A dog is a wife substitute. A cat is a child substitute.

AJ

A dogs is a wife substitute. A cats is a child substitute.

And a Ferrari (sorry "A Ferraris") is an erect penis substitute?

likely the singular for Ferrari is Ferrarus.

And the singular of scampi is scampus, the singular of concerti is concertus etc, the singular of paparazzi is paparazzus ;)

AJ

A cat is a child substitute

A cat is a 'crazy bitch who gets pissed off every day, changes moods 3 times a day, trashes your apartment and steals your shit' substitute.

What a pair these are: they sound identical and look nearly identical and both have meanings that relate to government. Mastering their use, however, is simple.

While you're absolutely right about which word to use, if the error isn't consistently repeated, it's likely a simple typo rather than a lack of knowledge. Those are the cases where it's best to drop the author a note, pointing out the error so they can correct it. Either they already know the correct word, but mistyped it, or they don't, and it's less a less embarrassing way of pointing out the difference.

Blatant brand fandom.

In general, I agree. But sometimes a brand name says a lot for you without you having to say much. Something like saying you buy your girl a Wicked Weasel swimsuit or Victoria's Secret lingerie says a lot more than just saying you bought a swimsuit or a bra and panties set. Where the brand or model name carries more than just a basic meaning it's useful.

Where the brand or model name carries more than just a basic meaning it's useful.

True, but that is not the obnoxious fandom I was talking about. If Victoria's Secret is thrown around a lot in a story, without giving extra meaning to the context, it's obvious that the author has a thing with VS and it's not contributing to the story.

It can also say a lot about the character, in the case of Apple, either that they've got money to spare, or that they like 'reliable' products (i.e. new features aren't likely to be abandoned in the next version). The use of Apple, or other brand names, in stories, should only become obnoxious when every character uses the product, rather than just a single character using the same product repeated. After all, if you establish that someone uses an iPhone, you don't switch brands in the next chapter.

I've never believed in extravagance or flashing brand names, but I've always believed that quality lasts longer than cheap, so I don't mind paying extra for something I'm likely to use a lot. I have used Apple and other products in my stories, but it's more a reflection of the individual's choices, rather than my personal preferences.

Also, and not incidentally, authors tend to use what they personally know. Thus an author will first go for products they're either familiar with, or which have a well-known reputation. On a similar note, they're not likely to be up on the latest features of a product they don't use regularly (i.e. you use 'generic' brand names like "iPhone" vs. "iPhone XS", or "Samsung" vs. "Samsung Galaxy S9+").

It IS famdom is they list specific models, and go on and on about the features, rather than focusing on what they're using it for (i.e. it's fine to reference a character using an Iphone, as long as they've using it to advance the plot, rather than merely showing off).

It can also say a lot about the character, in the case of Apple, either that they've got money to spare,

I've seen only one good use of Apple as a specific product in a story, and that was where the character specifically bought the iPhone and iWatch as a pair to use because they were the only such fancy combo. That made sense, but otherwise I just say they buy a cell phone and leave it at that.

I've seen only one good use of Apple as a specific product in a story, and that was where the character specifically bought the iPhone and iWatch as a pair to use because they were the only such fancy combo. That made sense, but otherwise I just say they buy a cell phone and leave it at that.

I'll use specific brands/models to remind people of the timeline. A 'top of the line' computer or cellphone in 1990 is WAY different from the same thing in 2018! :-) And computers, back in the late 70's and early 80's were a wild mishmash!

I specifically mentioned Apple because I stopped reading "Conductor" because of the religious fandom of Apple. It went way over the top. When even non-existing Apple products were mentioned I quit reading. It was obvious that the MC should get the best of everything but realistically that would have been a mix of brands. Just count the number of times the brand is mentioned in the story. If you see the number you get what I mean.

Yeah, that's a valid point. I was just suggesting where the use of brand names might be acceptable. But here, you nits aren't with brand names, or even with Apple products, but with author fanaticism in general. Even if he went on and on about penny loafers, Birkenstocks or American football, you'd tire of it just as quickly.

I go by the saying: 'An apple a day keeps the the doctor away'.

Especially when he also owns the orchard and the sales help to pay for his holiday trips.

Hmmm, for me 'is' is appropriate. I go by the saying: 'An apple a day keeps the the doctor away'.
Consequently I eat one apple per day, so Golden Delicious is delicious. How would I know if all the other Golden Delicious apples are delicious too? ;-)
BTW, I prefer Pink Lady, so I eat Golden Delicious rather seldom.

The choice has nothing to do with how many you eat, but rather with whether the word is a plural verb or not. However, I differ from Ross' view on this. He sees "Golden Delicious" as a stand-in for "Golden Delicious apples", whereas I see the term as referring to the specific type of apples. And, since Delicious is only one type of apple, then the singular, in this one instance, is not only acceptable but the correct choice. However, once you insert the word "apples" into the phrase, the whole noun phrase changes.

Sorry Ross.

I remember UK TV ads for a perfume called 'Golden Delicious'. The ads used Granny Smith apples, since the colour of Golden Delicious is as anaemic as the taste.

AJ

It seems we have this kind of thread every 2 to 3 months :)

Yeah, a lot of threads end up covering the issues you mention, usually when a newbie author who wasn't in the last discussion raises them.

- censoring swear words in a sex story

Stay away from FineStories then, as the FS submission engine censors 4-letter words for you.

- verbal demeaning of your partner in ROMANTIC BDSM stories. Sorry, but I don't think verbal demeaning is a prerequisite for BDSM, especially not in a story that is a romance.

'Emotional abuse' in a romantic relationship means that only one partner is invested in the relationship, while the other resents their partner for 'limiting' their options. It's evidence of passive-aggressive hostility, than often erupts into actual violence. None of those are romantic to ANY degree.

- homophobia of Harem leads.

Alas, just like the comment about 'fandom' rants, many times authors insert those 'homophibia' elements simply as a way to either define the character, or conversely to explain their choices in the relationship (i.e. "It's fine if you fool around with other chicks, but if I cross swords with another guy, I'm outta there!").

- character stupidity for plot's sake.

That's kinda like complaining about an author because you dislike the bad guy. Often, the reason why a character is hateful, or simple-minded, is because you're supposed to dislike them (so you'll side with the good guy in disliking and distrusting them). But, that said, there are subtle ways of accomplishing that, and hamfisted techniques.

- character stupidity for plot's sake.

Me too. I much prefer where the bad guy in mind control stories is the character's hangnail and STDs! 'D (Seriously, though, I get your point. It's just easy to make fun of.)

1) College stories where the students don't have majors. I mean, some people go to college to have a college experience or to get a BASSOO degree to qualify for the middle class, but most students while they're there have an interest I n what they are studying.

Not only that, but a college protagonist without a major is essentially a cardboard cut out (i.e. lacking basic defining characteristics like ambitions and life goals). If they aren't looking for a job, then the author should establish WHY, so we understand how the character thinks and how he'll react to students who are struggling to succeed, rather than just drinking and sleeping their way through school.

Not only that, but a college protagonist without a major is essentially a cardboard cut out (i.e. lacking basic defining characteristics like ambitions and life goals). If they aren't looking for a job, then the author should establish WHY

At my college, students couldn't declare a major until the second semester. Since they might become interested in something they didn't have a chance to study in high school, it wasn't a good idea to force them into decisions too soon.

Other students might have trouble deciding on just one major out of several areas of interest. First-year students aren't all cardboard cutouts.

At my college, students couldn't declare a major until the second semester. Since they might become interested in something they didn't have a chance to study in high school, it wasn't a good idea to force them into decisions too soon.

Sorry, I missed the 'first-year' reference. The first year is essentially, for your more advanced students, when they take the required courses (advanced math, general overview courses, etc.). Many instead take the virtually useless courses (like advanced basket weaving), but those with a basic idea of where they're going will be preparing to enter a particular field (i.e. sciences, design, etc.) and will therefore focus on 'gearing up' for those, even if they're planning on the more esoteric fields.

Yeah, it gets more ridiculous if the MC is also a Top-Model and Movie star ;)

True, but when well done they're good escapist stories.

But there are a few things that would make me drop a story like a hot coal.
Overly religious themes in the present.
I'm not talking about saying grace or going to church every Sunday. No, I mean the overly preaching type of MC. When you have the feeling that the Author wants to preach to their readers through the MC.

Just like at family gatherings like Christmas, mentioning religion and politics is a touchy subject that must be handled subtly, rather than with brute force.

As I've said before, it's often best to do it indirectly. Sci-fi stories are popular (for the authors, at least, because they can set a current day situation in an alien world, so readers won't come to the issue with their minds already made up, and you can often convince them of something as long as you don't spout the same old stereotypical lines.

Most peoples' bet peeves, I've violated once or twice.

My bet peeve is the Trifecta. If you like a horse, bet on the damn horse, but trying to predict ALL the winners simply means you aren't invested in the contestant! 'D

Only good cat is a cat in a wok with sesame oil. Just sayin. I suspose that'd make it the antagonist though...

I like it when the cat is the villain in mind-control stories. It breaks the mold and you never expect it! 'D

Never seen that. It could make for a very interesting plotline, at least if the cat is sapient/sentient for some freakish reason.

Fucking awesome idea. Thanks.

Now I'm so tempted to write a mind-control story in which a cat has the ability, but all the cat can do is sit and watch while humans bend to its will. Dozens of sex scenes with a cat placidly licking its paws on a nearby dresser!

Make the cat a lioness, and she can join in.

Sounds more like a food fetish story.

You've never experienced 'chicken' from a dodgy UK Chinese takeaway ;)

AJ

Meant to type 'dodgy'. Original post edited.

AJ

She would have been about 90 when she started with the NSA. I can accept some unrealistic scenarios but that was just too much.

Also, if it's the USN, when did they start accepting women? It must have been WWII.

Woman weren't allowed to join the Navy (or other service) during WW II and subsequent wars, instead they created a separate 'women only' branch called the "WAVES" (Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service—an overly cute name denoting how they were treated at the time). However, it wasn't a branch of the military, but a 'Reserve unit' similar to the U.S. Reserves program from which the Military can draw people for specific purposes (a clever way of using them for nurses while still excluding women entirely from most benefits).

Essentially, women have only been free to join the military on an equal basis once the service switched from a conscription basis (aka: the Draft) to a purely voluntary service and they needed more people (i.e. women and blacks) to make up for the severe drop in new recruits).

PotomacBob

"Join the Navy and Ride the WAVES"

"Private, if the Army wanted you to have a wife, we'd've issued you one." (Spoken by me and hundred of other drill sergeants in the old army)

During WWI the US Marine Corps, US Navy and the US Coast Guard had a number of women serving as reservists. They received the same pay and benefits as their male counterparts of the same rank, and after they were demobilized treated as veterans.

True, but while after 1948 the service became 'integrated', few received the same benefits, or earned similar awards (some nurses and reservists only recently won silver stars and Purple Hearts for their actions during that time, as the military wasn't about to recognize their actual sacrifices.

Although not a vet myself (I wasn't eligible due to Type 1 Diabetes), I come from a family with multiple people who served, and who continue to serve in the Civil Service, and the list of complaints by older veterans and reservists would set your brain on fire. :(

But, I'm not about to argue the point. People are gonna believe what they want to believe, so it benefits no one arguing over the details.

BTW, this story was posted in 2014 and had more than 29000 downloads, so I assume some other readers had already informed him about the errors/typos and he doesn't care to update the story. :(

You'd be surprised how many readers do not report errors they see to the authors, and how many times people read over them without seeing them.

In one of my stories first posted in Feb 2015 that has 136,000 downloads has a typo recently spotted I've not yet corrected and reposted (it's on the list to do) that's been there since day one where the word insulated is typed as insulted and the story has had numerous edits due to having been reviewed and revised five times since first posting for various reasons. The funniest thing about it was one of my editors was re-reading the story for leisure when he spotted it and told me, then we both laughed when I checked my historical copies and pointed out he'd previously edited the story 6 times without spotting the error. - The point here is people don't always see the errors, and then they rarely reported them, and this is especially true if they like the story.

The funniest thing about it was one of my editors was re-reading the story for leisure when he spotted it and told me, then we both laughed when I checked my historical copies and pointed out he'd previously edited the story 6 times without spotting the error. - The point here is people don't always see the errors, and then they rarely reported them, and this is especially true if they like the story.

I still get occasional corrections for a story that's been up on SOL for nearly three years, and had several hundred thousand downloads (aggregate for all chapters) and been through an editor and two proofreaders. :-)

and been through an editor and two proofreaders. :-)

I've four regular editors (one is an excellent proof reader) and several readers who regularly reported errors. The current version on Sol is the 6 the version for the chapter involved and each time it's been through at least two editors and a proof reader, yet it got missed in all of that. Also, while writing the story and reviewing it I must have missed it over a dozen times myself until after it was pointed out to me. The key part of the sentence was meant to read 'well insulated' but came out as 'well insulted' which makes it even funnier asit goes from being heat resisted to heavily abused.

is not a typo, you portly slob.

Hey, I'll have you know that my port is safely sheltered from storms beneath my protruding overhanging mountainous protrusions (as well as my mighty battleship and it's two little tugs beside it)!