Okay fellas, I got a bit of bad news. I was going to send the next chapter of Mayhem in a Pill to my editors this weekend but the wife’s cat pissed on my laptop!
I’m serious. The fuckin’ thing peed on my laptop. Just my luck, it was open and ready for me to work on it last night. I spent most of the evening watching absolutely nothing on TV, but the wife liked that I was with her for the night.
So before I go to bed I look in my study to make sure everything is okay. It’s part of my final security rounds before bed. I’m sure everyone does the same thing. That is when I noticed the screen up and something shining on the keyboard. It was liquid and when I got closer the smell told me everything I needed to know.
I immediately disconnected everything from the laptop and started drying everything I could. I’m telling you there is nothing more disheartening then to see a flow of cat piss pouring out of your new laptop. FUCK!!
I yelled and that got the wife to come running. Then I noticed her cat sitting in the corner like she was waiting for me to find what she had done. I’m not a cat person but I didn’t hate the demon hell spawn or anything like that.
My wife comes in and sees me holding the computer and watching the vile fluid drip out of the machine. The smell now permeates the room. She understands what has happened without even having to ask the stupid question. Ugh!! She quickly goes for the cat and she actually picks her up to save her from the mean old man and whispering sweet platitudes and trying to hide the vile beast from me. Ugh!!
So anyway… long story short. The next chapter is gonna be a little while longer. I’ve already taken the laptop apart and separated the pieces and then cleaned as much as possible with rubbing alcohol. So now I have to let it sit and ventilate for at least 24 hours before I can check to see if the putrid stream of noxious piss has done irreparable harm to the computer.
Luckily it was a fairly new computer. And I bought it as a backup about five years ago when I thought my other laptop was getting ready to klunk out on me. But I fixed that computer and left this alone in the box in the corner for about five years. But about six months ago, the old and trusty laptop was finally beginning to show its age. Luckily I have backups for all the other chapters but I had not gotten around to backing up the chapter I had almost finished. That was the final check.
So we all sit with baited breath as we wait until the weekend for the drying out process to complete. At this point, I’m just gonna go buy an new computer. (Pause while I go to another tab and do so.)
At least now the wife can’t get mad at me for spending a lot more than I really wanted to for a new computer. But now, tee hee, I can get a really good one and play some video games the kids are all talking about. Pong about to be off the hook!! I’m even considering getting into that virtual reality nonsense.
So let’s hope at the very least I can pull the hard drive and pull off the last chapter I had almost finished. If it can’t be saved, I gotta rewrite it from memory. I’ve already started on this iPad but the attached keyboard is difficult to get used to the layout but the clicking the keys make reminds me of my youth when first learning to type. So at least there is that.
Finally, I’m pulling anything cat related out of my den and throwing it all out into the hall and it goes without saying, I’m also gonna be keeping the study door good and shut from now on and if the little bitch wants to try something like that again, I’m gonna be practicing my critter skinning. There’s got to be a YouTube video on how to do that somewhere.
Oh yeah, quick question… anybody want a cat?