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Hello ladies and gents of all genders!
This is Jun Tristan, your janitor of darkness. The fat ass we hired to distill our products has FINALLY delivered the last shipment of Kevie. As always, please read the label before imbibing.
Some idiot has already had a tummy ache because they ingest things they're allergic to. Ha! Ha! They even complained. The moron. Management showed them the door by putting their head through it. Lol, imagine starting a ruckus in a BDSM club.
Well, Fat Betty told me I could fuck a crease if I spanked her first. I hope I can find a belt long enough or I'll be there all night. It's sad, but at least I'm getting some. I hope you are too! This is Jun Tristan, your Janitor of darkness signing off.
Oh yeah, The Shibari and edge play class was moved to next week. Please don't get yourself into knots over it.
Toodles
It's me again, Jun Tristan your favorite janitor of Darkness. Management has come up with a brilliant idea. HAH! That's as likely as me going to confession or Madame Rachel giving me a ride. Have you ever noticed how big her hands and adam's apple are? Oh shit, she heard me.
Anyway, the boss thinks if we have shots that are under a thousand words then people will have just enough time to get a buzz. The cheap bastard didn't even put a full label on the bottle so if your tummy hurts afterwards bitch at him, not me.
Oh, damn. Madame Rachel has a bullwhip. Gotta go. Bye.
Hello Everyone,
We had to do a recall of Kevie's New Life. There was an issue with the bottles that made half of the offering in pure italics. The problem has been hopefully fixed and KNL will be back on the shelf soon.
Everyone,
A most wonderful announcement! The truck is on the dock. Soon, Kevie's New Life will be at the bar. A wonderful treat for your inner beast. It's a true opportunity to delight your sadistic sensibilities. Management asked me to remind you to please read the label. Our lawyers are already giving them enough shit over the straight razor party we had last month. They will not give a refund for upset tummy's. Madame Jasmine had a taste back stage and she loved it. That is all.
Hello Everyone,
I am Jun Tristan your janitor of darkness. Why is the janitor the emcee? Because my boss is a cheap bastard. Would you believe that not even one little slut wanted to tour my closet after our last show?
Hey Blondie, Yeah, you, the one in the front row with your hand in your shorts. If you'll wait a few minutes I'll help you with that. What's that? Crabs, you say. Come see me after you see the doc.
Anyway, Great News! Great News! Our distiller called. He said they were looking through the warehouse when they found extra ingredients. Old and a bit musty, but still usable. So the run of Kevie's New Life will be larger than originally ordered. He said that it will have a blend of depravity, fear, and hate with a belying sweetness and lust that will tickle even the most bland of palates and entrance the most discriminating. He said it will take a little longer to deliver due to it's size.
For Hell's sake people, when it gets here read the label before imbibing. We are not responsible for tummy aches, unless you spend time with Madame Rachel. Gut punches are her specialty.
Oh, before I get off stage. Madame Jasmine said to tell everyone that if she finds the prick that jizzed in her favorite thigh high leather boots she will cut off said prick and mount it in her wall collection.
Enjoy your sins, just don't die from them. This is Jun Tristan your janitor of darkness signing off. Hm... where did Blondie go? I've got some Raid. The mic's still hot? damn.
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