DFL Runner: Blog

Specifically, clinical depression and an anxiety disorder. Both were formally diagnosed when I was 19, but I had been manifesting symptoms for 4-5 years prior.

For the past five weeks, I've been undergoing some tweaks to my antidepressant medication regimen. I am also in counseling and have been fortunate to be able to do video visits with my counselor - I'll use the pseudonym Ellen for her - while sheltering in place these past several weeks.

Ellen and I actually discussed "The Inches Between Us" during our most recent session. The overall theme of the session was "exhaustion." I'm not physically exhausted, per se, but very definitely emotionally exhausted. I can't find it in me to run. I can't find it in me to work on the story. I can barely find it in me to make dinner. I've also had multiple anxiety attacks lately, sometimes for reasons I can't even identify. And it is affecting my writing just as surely as it's affecting all the other areas of my life right now.

We in America like to think that we've become enlightened about mental health issues. The fact is, we really haven't. Are we better than we were? Exponentially so. But whereas denizens of right-wing radio would be hounded off the air for using the specter of breast cancer as a weapon against their detractors, it's still perfectly acceptable for them to say "liberalism is a mental disorder". And it's considered a joke that they are treating mental illness so casually. (The real joke is that they are using a nearly 30-year-old tagline and thinking they're being original, but I digress.)

Beyond that, the pharmacist still speaks in more hushed tones than usual when ringing up my prescription for Wellbutrin. American health insurance companies still treat mental-health benefits as a coverage "bonus" rather than as something that is medically necessary. And the only time our politicians even verbalize concern about the mental health of Americans, it's so that they can push their "reopen America" agenda. Otherwise, their only interest in mental illness seems to be whether it can be invoked as a scapegoat for the latest mass shooting.

To my brothers and sisters who are suffering with these issues right now, many in secret ... I stand with you. Hang in there, and don't give up.

To my readers ... hang in there with me. I'm hoping to drum up some energy to review jetson63's editorial-response e-mail, hopefully tomorrow.

First, a moment of silence for the men and women to whom we in America pay tribute on this day.

Chapter 24 of "The Inches Between Us" is working its way through the editing process and, I expect, should be posted this coming weekend. In the interim, 19 years ago today, I wrote a quick e-mail to a woman I had been dating for a few months to say "good morning". I found the response in my inbox the following morning ... but it was from her brother, to tell me she had passed away. (Her family knew about me, and had met me, but didn't know my phone number, just my e-mail address, and that was the only way they could think of to tell me.)

"I Don't Know If You Knew" was one of my early attempts to process my grief. I post it today in her memory.

Greetings all!

Just a few personal updates. I have been deemed fully recuperated from my unplanned audition to be a crash-test dummy a few months back. As well, like many of you, I am presently working from home. Much as I enjoy my six-foot commute to my workstation (as opposed to my 28-mile commute) I miss my office and my coworkers. It looks like it may be possible for me to see them again after Memorial Day.

As well, my computer workstation currently houses both my home computer and my work laptop. It was a bit of a challenge to inspire my muse while sitting in this chair after I'd already been sitting in it for 8+ hours of work, but I feel that my muse has begun to adapt.

Chapter 23 is in the queue, at long last. The setting of this chapter is, rather deliberately, a 5K to benefit a local food bank. It is deliberate as it gives me a chance to use this small platform I have to remind you how critical a role the local food banks are playing at this confusing and often frightening time in our history. Children who are accustomed to eating breakfast and lunch at school have suddenly lost access to two substantive meals a day that they could count on. Families who already struggle from paycheck to paycheck have been pleading with their landlords not to evict them as they live on Ramen and hot dogs.

Local food banks are doing their best to stand in the gap, but as the need increases, their resources are decreasing. You read this story for free. If you enjoy this story, I ask you to consider showing your appreciation by finding a few extra dollars in your budget - if you are working - and giving it to the local food bank, or go to the grocery store, buy a bunch of canned goods and other nonperishable staples, and bring them to them. They'll make good use of it.

I am, as always, grateful to jetson63, my editor, for his wisdom, his insight, and his friendship. And, as always, I am grateful to all of you, my readers. Please be safe.

-- DFLR

Finally! The latest chapter is up. Posting of this chapter was originally supposed to coincide with the actual Christmas holiday, but as they say, better late than never.

As always, I post this chapter with my thanks to jetson63, not only for his time and feedback as my editor, but also for his friendship and concern for me over these past three months.

Please be patient with me as the next chapter will not be posted for a couple of weeks due to some upcoming real-life demands on my time (including a few hours of medical imaging to make sure the accident-induced injuries are healing as they should). Please do be assured that my objective is to eventually get back to a weekly posting schedule, though.

For those of you who may be new to the story and just saw a blurb about it (or about this blog post) on the front page, welcome!

As always, any feedback is welcomed and appreciated.

Take care --
DFLR

To put the minds of fans of "The Inches Between Us" at ease, I have not abandoned the story. Briefly, I was in a car accident over the Thanksgiving holiday. Let it suffice to say that I sustained several injuries that resulted in me spending four days in intensive care - and, one of the injuries being a major concussion, I can remember a combined total of about 20 minutes of those four days.

Because of that, I have - under doctor's orders, reinforced by a persistent headache - been keeping my screen time to a minimum during my recuperation.

I had started drafting some chapters prior to the accident and will be diving back into it over the course of the next few days. My hope is to get the next chapter completed and off to my editor before this weekend is out, and to post it next Saturday, February 1. My schedule over the next several weeks - which includes a couple of long-standing family obligations - will preclude me from resuming a weekly schedule for a little while, but my goal is to at least post bi-weekly.

See you again soon!

-- DFLR