DFL Runner: Blog

"Who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" - Esther 4:14

"If you went back and fixed all your mistakes, you'd erase yourself." - Louis C.K.

Yes, I know about what Louis C.K. did. The quote is still noteworthy. Just like how whenever I go to the dentist, I still think of "dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal objects, but when you sit in their chair, the first thing they grab is an iron hook."

The decision to name Annie's colleague "Esther" was deliberate. Annie... and Harry... have both been through the wringer. But it has brought both of them to this place, a place of learning what grace and mercy look like. I don't (entirely) mean that in the religious/spiritual sense, but in the human sense. Grace and mercy are in short supply these days. A desire to beat people over the head with every mistake they've ever made is not.

When I was in elementary school, there was one guy in my class whose favorite game at recess was "pin the handicapped kid to the ground and pull his leg off." It didn't get any better. When I was in high school, I used a wheelchair part-time. One day, the same guy caught me alone on campus, grabbed my wheelchair, and ran through the building before dumping me out of the chair.

I was raised Catholic, and that year, I was preparing for my Confirmation. One part of the curriculum was attending an overnight retreat. I was already dealing with what I now know to be my first episode of severe depression, and that encounter with my longtime bully sent me into a bit of a spiral. I was still spiraling when I showed up at the retreat center the following evening. But the man who ran the retreat center, who was introduced to me as "Mr. H.," sensed how troubled I was and spent some time with me the following afternoon.

My entire spiritual journey ties back to that conversation, and in many ways, the course of my entire adult life does as well. But it wouldn't have happened without that hair-raising ride through the main building of my high school. If that doesn't happen, neither does everything that came after.

In the same way, the entire course of the rest of Annie's life will rest on her working for Lydia. If she doesn't make that decision, she doesn't find the magazine ad, she doesn't answer it, and she never meets Harry.

In other words, she was brought to the place of working with Esther... for such a time as this.

Incidentally, I am still in contact with Mrs. H. through social media, and the three of us got to have lunch together the last time I went to visit my family. And I again got to experience the simple peace and joy that came with having them minister to me during those two hours.

I dedicate this week's chapter to Mr. H., who, after 49 years of ministry and 90 years on Earth, was told "well done, thou good and faithful servant" earlier this week.

How to annoy your sibling: text them on the morning of their 50th birthday and helpfully remind them that they are now eligible for membership in AARP. Bonus points if you are older, so they can't return the favor.

But I digress. Chapter 2 is in the queue.

The title of this particular blog entry is instantly recognizable to most HC fans.

Two new characters are added to this story's universe in Chapter 2. The first, Cora, is named after the titular character in the song linked above, "Corey's Coming." The other is Rabbi Mendel's Christian counterpart in Fargo, Rev. Joshua Allard.

Incidentally, if you click on that second link, look about 2/3 of the way down the page. "Remember When the Music" is the song Harry wrote in Mr. Lowenstein's memory.

Also check the YouTube recommendations accompanying that video; you should see a link to Bruce Springsteen's cover, performed in honor of the Congressional Gold Medal being conferred upon Harry in 1987. You're welcome.

I do want to make sure I am clear on one point: in his letter to Annie, Harry mentions that Martin "was what some call defective in mind or nature." This is a period-accurate (1870s) euphemism for "gay" and Harry makes it clear that this is not how he, personally, thinks of Martin.

The end of the chapter has two musical callouts. One - the wind whistling through the cracks in the sod - is directly linked to the song "Mail Order Annie."

The other is more subtle. As the chapter ends, the night falls on a world with a lot of lonely people in it... and two of them trying to find their way to each other.

The next chapter is in the queue. Since I have a busy weekend ahead, it will be posted tonight.

I said in an earlier blog post that, at times while writing this story, I felt Harry Chapin crawl up my nose and plant some new ideas on the paper.

The character of Rabbi Isaac Mendel is one of those ideas.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am not Jewish. Nonetheless, I wanted to be as true as I could be to the character and his faith. To that end, I did a LOT of research as I was writing. But researching it and living it are two different things. As such, for any of my readers who are Jewish, I am begging you: if I have misrepresented anything about the Jewish faith or its practice, please let me know so that I can fix it.

The second of Harry Chapin’s three heroes, Pete Seeger, gets his shout-out in this chapter.

Also, a surprising influence in this chapter, the reference to a suitor being ushered out the door by the toe of Kenneth Burke’s boot: it comes from (the novel) Les Misérables, when Thenardier is trying to figure out how to approach Marius with his knowledge of Valjean’s true identity and true history. The English translation I read talks about Thenardier knowing that to try and approach Marius by bluntly saying “your wife is a bastard” would get him "ejected on the toe of Marius’s boot."

Mea culpa! I forgot to add Chapter 6 to the queue last night.

There actually is a Harry Chapin song that could serve as a soundtrack for this chapter, called "Mercenaries."

I think, however, "The Mayor of Candor Lied," about a small-town leader who uses his power to not only get what he wants, but to make sure others don't get what he doesn't want them to have, may be a better fit.

The good news is, while Annie is in a dark, bewildering, even repulsive tunnel, she is about to see a light at the end of it.

Incidentally, I would love to get feedback. I see the statistics, so I know there are people out there following along. But on a site like this, feedback is the only currency an author earns.

Have a good first full week of 2026, everyone.

Chapter 5 has been added to the queue for posting.

The events of the second half of the chapter are a fictionalized version of something that happened to a female acquaintance when she was fifteen years old... and it is not as fictionalized as I wish it were.

It is for this reason that the chapter opens with a trigger warning: the awareness that her experience was not as unique as people might like to believe it is.

Please take care of yourself. If you are not in a safe place mentally and emotionally, you can skip this chapter. You'll probably be able to infer the details from the first part of Chapter 6.