FozzieBare: Blog


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I'm still not doing great, but I'm doing better then I was. Thank you for your kind words.

I still want to write.

Thinking about giving up.

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And I'm not 100% sure I'm talking about writing either.

It's been a rough month since I last talked to you, including numerous x-rays, tests, and even a couple visits to the hospital, one in an ambulance.

Between that and fighting the for profit healthcare system to get their thumbs out of their rear ends to get things I need (I am now at two months without the primary medicine I've been prescribed to manage the Crohn's and the arthritis (a major reason for all those x-rays and tests).

Seven Months waiting for the CPAP machine, despite being told it's just a bit longer.

So, here I sit, writing to tell you about all the shit I've been going through instead of giving you guys more content. I won't lie, I'm in a deep dark place mentally right now, and it's been impossible to string two words together.

But right now, I'm still feeling like I just have to keep taking the next step.

God help me if that changes.

God bless the US Health Care System..

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Because I think the devil is running it right now.

I am officially in medical limbo, the CPAP machine still hasn't been ordered, months later, and now medicaid is requiring a fresh authorization for the medicines that keep me (mostly) upright and not in severe pain. Combine that with the fact that they're trying to wean me off the severe pain pills (a thing I DO NOT agree with right now), I am hurting. A lot.

I hope to get back to writing soon ish, but right now, a lot of it is outside of my control.

God, give me patience and hurry up...

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So, they have more specialists to send me to, because it looks like there was somewhat more damage on the x-ray then they expected.

Right now, when I walk, my right foot is like 30-45 degrees out of line with the way my left foot points. That's putting additional stress and pain on that leg.

It's also my driving leg, so that makes it hard to drive, especially any sort of distances. In fact, for the first time, I had to take what is colloquially called "Non-Emergency Medical Transportation" to my rhumatologist appointment (A 35 minute drive, which is not something my leg is up to right now). It was a medical van whose shocks and seats had last been worked on during the Bush Administration.

Not too sure I mean the younger one either.

But, work goes on slowly, when I can.

So, right now, I'll just end my post with the famous line from Reinhold Niebuhr.

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference"

And hurry up while you're at it, eh? :)

Follow up on set-back

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Thanks all for your kind words and suggestions. Basically, they're thinking about trying muscle relaxers because when things flare up, it's painful enough that any movement or attempts at standing/doing every day things is pain, and extended attempts at any of the above is day-ending.

But right now, I'm writing little bits, hoping to get that deluge of words going again. Why?

I'll let the Champ himself, Rocky Balboa, say it for me.

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"