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Verbose - using or expressed in more words than are needed.
I have noticed some of the best stories on this site occasionally suffer bouts of verbosity. I really immerse myself in a story and then the author gets off on excessive and unnecessary description.
Let me provide an example. I am intentionally using an example of a otherwise superior story. My favorite story is The Flight of the Code Monkey by Kid Wigger. Once this story is completed, it needs professional editing (mostly to fix this very problem) and should be submitted for commercial publishing. I think it may be the best story of the decade and the world deserves to read it.
However, I almost gave up reading this story in Chapter One. I found myself immersed and fascinated until I had to stop reading this story as I waded through thirteen paragraphs of description of the protagonist's quarters. There is enough detailed description to accurately produce a 3d reproduction of the suite (bedroom and bathroom).
I suppose that the author's ability for description is admirable. But the thirteen chapters blocks the continuity of the story. I found it painful. And, the details did not add anything to the story, in my opinion. One paragraph would have been as adequate. And practically speaking, how many people are going to be able to mentally keep all these details in their head.
I have created the Code Monkey rule that gives me permission to skip through unnecessary, lengthy descriptive text. I also now have an informal Code Monkey list of stories for which this rule applies.
The author also includes very interesting descriptions of primitive skills that I would categorize as campcraft, bushcraft and wilderness survival skills. However, it seems that the story sometimes shifts to a How-To book that again distracts from the story.
Again, I consider this story to be a masterpiece. If anyone has not read this story, they owe it to themselves to read it.
But this level of detail needs to stay in the author's personal background material of the story or even better, included as chapter end-notes.
Paige Hawthorne wrote a blog on April 10, 2017 regarding Elmore Leonard's writing tips. I think the following are relevant here.
8 Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.
9 Don't go into great detail describing places and things.
10 Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.
Authors, remember this rule. Just because you can do something does not mean that you should. It is tempting to want to demonstrate your skill to create reality from mere text. But the goal is to create a good story and not to show-off excellent skills.
If Kid Wigger happens to read this, please understand my admiration of your skills. I can only hope to one day be the story-teller that you are.
For the LOVE OF SMUT, write your story descriptions like you would prefer that someone ACTUALLY READS YOUR STORY. And yes, the entry title is telling you that you have a literary limp dick if you bungle the simple task of writing an interesting story description.
Please read the article "So You Want to Write a Story" by Asa Strong on the Authors/Editors page. The relevant section has the subtitle, "4. Writing a Story Description."
I, myself, do not claim to be particularly proficient at writing good story descriptions. But I think my descriptions show that I at least try.
Authors: including the word "adventure" in the description is not convincing (to me anyways) that the story is actually an adventure. You might as well simply say "This story is good." Yes, it is that weak.
I really do not require much in a story description. But a description in the bloody story description would be nice. You know?
Let me provide an example of a story description that I find effective. "Odd little tale about prospecting. Not a single word of truth in it." ["Sunny Corner" - Old Man With A Pen] The key word in this description is "prospecting." Why the very word brings up images of a grey haired man leading a mule with a shovel and pickax strapped to its back. I immediately start attaching concepts to the story such as the uncontrolled lust for sudden wealth. It sounds dangerous with the potential of unknown and and hidden villains seeking to steal the treasure of the rough but virtuous prospector.
By adding "odd, little tale" the author informs me that he is not taking him or his story too seriously and he intends to use an unusual style. And, the quirky style of the story description informs me that the author will try to do something different in his writing. He is not satisfied with a stale, straight-forward approach of stating fictional facts. I can look forward to him astounding me with his use of the written language to new planes of wonder by artfully crafting events, attitudes, reactions and moral conclusions. (Yes, perhaps I have overused hyperbole, but I hope I have made an understandable point.)
See? I don't really ask for much. Simply put some thought into your description. Do not include any background information, unless the background is the reason that the story is actually interesting, and even then be as brief and concise as possible. And for smut's sake, do not put any disclaimers there.
The potential readers are asking you, "What makes your story more interesting than my mundane life?" And us, readers have a ten word, initial attention span. Using the word "adventure" might just buy you an additional five words. But if you do not get to the point, readers will assume your story is as unworthy as your utter failure at writing a story description. I would hate for me and other readers to not read a good story because authors do not give proper planning and effort in drafting their story descriptions.
Thank you for your attention.
My new story has been uploaded to the moderators.
Story was edited by BarneyR. Barney, thank you for your advice and help.
The title is a little misleading in that the "sex slave" consents to her submission and trusts her fathers choice. Essentially this story begins as a romance between a normal guy and a young woman with a need to submit.
While this episode stands alone, I have the plot for two more. Frankly, this chapter was emotionally exhausting to write, so I am not sure when exactly I will finish the story.
The initial inspiration for this story came from reading "Business as Unusual" by autofocus. I am only on chapter 13, but have enjoyed his story immensely, despite the story having several tags and styles that I do not personally like (adult man with young teens, longer descriptions that do not add directly to the plot, double digit number of women in harem). I recommend it! The only similarities between this and my story is the voluntary submission of the girls/women.
I have seen a few blogs about the scoring system. I really don't like the current system. I would like the ability to receive a simple average of all the scores. That is the data I like to consider when looking at a story I have not read and when evaluating how my stories are received.
I have submitted the final chapters for "I Will Take Care of You." I hope you enjoy the story.
I did add some explanation to the first two chapters, so that the later chapters make more sense. You don't necessarily need to re-read them, but it will make some aspects of the do-over make more sense.
I welcome all comments.
If you have suggestions for future stories in this series (or independent of the series), please let me know. I have an outline for one story, but the plot needs another story or two before it can take place.
I want to thank barneyr and bohica for their help as editors. They needed extra patience in dealing with a new author. I learned so much from them.
One thing that I have learned is that being good at business writing, only took me so far. Writing stories requires so many new skills; it is a humbling experience.
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