I lead what many would call a charmed life, as it doesn't seem that I have an outward visible means of supporting myself. However the fact I don't leave the house each morning in a suit in a tie with a briefcase in hand does not mean that I don't have a job. I am a writer and columnist who has managed to stay somewhat anonymous. I'm syndicated in 38 papers across the US and Canada under an assumed name, IE: different than the one that appears on my mailbox or drivers license. I have written two novels under my known name and use this as the excuse as to why I am not a common worker bee, even though I live in a very middle class neighborhood. While most of my neighbors are aware of the novels I have written and think I spend my time glued to a keyboard pounding out pages of my next tome, lately for the most part I am writing my human interest / satire column on the boring proceedings of middle class life in general that many find interesting enough to comment on. My "fan/hate mail" goes to my agent and I see transcripts of the bulk of it, but care little of what people think, as long as they take the time to read and comment. I've done a few phone interviews to satisfy requests for personal appearances and the like, but overall I like being anonymous and it makes my friends my "real" friends. I am no rich man, but do OK. If anyone thinks a columnist makes bushels of money for each paper he appears in, you are sadly mistaken. If I were to live on the profits from my novels, OR my syndicated musings alone, the middle class would be out of my reach. That will probably change when my third novel hits the shelves. Those who have read the first two are looking forward to the next entry in the series and that buzz will reignite sales on the first two. While I haven't pressed it, my agent is "negotiating" with a writer to prepare a screenplay for my approval for a movie deal. But that is years away, I suspect. I enjoy my simple life alone as a bachelor. I date here and there and have had nothing serious for quite some time. I know of a few women I date who would like to "catch" me, but as of now I enjoy the life I have.
So that's about all I can say about me. I sometimes get an idea block and when I do, I like to ramble on paper writing about what happens in my life. I find that when I read it back I see all the ideas I missed and then I'm on my way to the next column, or the next chapter in whatever novel I'm writing. But when I wrote about this personal life experience I found myself to be titillated and I wanted to share it, hoping it plucks the same strings in your libido as it does mine.
Without much urging, I could spend 5 or 6 days a week in my home either at my keyboards in front of a desktop or laptop, asleep, eating, and nothing else. I can absorb myself THAT much in my writing. But I also realize this is bad for my health, both mental and physical. I force myself to shower, shave, and take care of myself (brushing teeth, taking nourishment, etc) I make sure I get out and the one thing I love to do is shop for my next day meal. I thumb through my newspaper and magazines to clip coupons and make it feel like a game. Once I get out I might see a new store, a new restaurant, or fast food joint, and I'm sure to stop. Always cultivating ideas, but grocery stores are perhaps my favorite. I'm always able to inter mingle with people and watch life unfold at the market, a place we all have to visit to survive.
While shopping I always admire women. They don't have to be raving beauties for me to find a redeeming good quality in a woman in my eyes. I might utter things under my breath as I approach or pass by a woman. It might be "nice rack", "great ass", "round in the right places", or "nice mouth". They're all sexist and I would NEVER say them aloud, and they're all for my own benefit. Despite my comments to myself, I do respect women and don't think they are here for my own gratification. I do believe we are BOTH here for EACH OTHERS gratification though.
A couple of Monday's ago I went into the local PriceCutter market and upon walking in I looked up the produce aisle I saw a sexy brunette reaching up to the top row to get something from the organic line. She had a nice shape overall, a little chunky but once her arms came down from her reach I immediately said under my breath, "nice tits honey!" They were big round and full and I knew right away I wanted to see her turn and walk away, but not until I forced myself to walk by her to see her face closely. As I did so my libido approved whole-heartedly that she was a good looking and classy woman. I dropped my eyes to the handle on the cart she was pushing and saw no ring on her left hand, but there definitely had been one there for a long time. I took this in and for my own purposes, I was done with her. I came, I saw, I admired, and I was off to see my next. I stopped to pick a bag of shredded lettuce (how lazy can I get) and turned to see her walking out of the aisle and turn to the rest of the store. Once again, I confirmed, she had a nice shape, a round butt certainly not intended to be overstated by excessively tight pants or gaudy colors, but still, the shorts were short.
I got my lettuce and stopped to get a cauliflower and walked up the aisle and turned to the rest of the store. The first aisle was first aid, drugs, aspirin, feminine napkins, etc. I glanced down that aisle as I passed and she was there, looking right at me and smiling. I nervously sort of nodded my head and went about my business in the store. After picking up the 4 things on my list I had coupons for I went to the dairy aisle to get eggs (I eat eggs everyday). I picked up the box and turned to the register stands and there she was again, and once again she met my eyes and smiled. Was it an intentional flirt, was she just REALLY friendly, or did she think I was someone else? In any event, I just nodded and went to the self check-out and was out of the store.
Tuesday morning I got up and went right to the keyboard and in 90 minutes I had my weekly column done and sent to my proofreader who would proof and submit it back to me before I sent it to my agent for submission. I checked notes I had for the espionage novel I had started, but was not convinced of full plot yet, and decided I felt gritty so at 11:30 I finally showered, shaved, and brushed my teeth. I hadn't had breakfast or coffee yet so I dressed and went to a local little breakfast and lunch diner and got a coffee and hamburger with an egg on it. (don't knock it until you try it) Sitting at the counter I looked in the mirror and saw the same brunette sitting at a table behind me. She was getting up and leaving a few dollars on the table beside a small plate and empty coffee cup. She seemed to walk out without noticing me, but with my eyes following the sway of her ass she looked up quickly to catch my glance and although she didn't directly smile at me, she smiled to herself. (I thinking she was saying "I still got it!")
We both may have been thinking "coincidence" since my stopping at this little place a so random, I hadn't been there in weeks. After my breakfast I headed to the other side of town to a new market that had just opened, Wholly Foods. I got one of the small carts and decided to graze a bit to go along with my grand opening coupons. As I walk in I pass people who just checked out. I hear a chuckle and I look up to see HER, giving me a cute smile as she pushed out a cart full of organic treasures. This, like my last encounter was fleeting and coincidental. But I have to tell you, she was getting into my head as she had no way of knowing where I was going. I don't Twitter or Facebook, so it's not like I'm leaving a trail.
Wednesday I stay home all day. I wrote a couple chapters and add another page to this journal to re-read Thursday. Thursday morning I get my paper and I see the Hungerford store has 4 pound and above lobsters on sale that day and that day only. If I get one of those and make a Cole slaw, (mine is better than any you might buy) and pick up a corn muffin mix, I have dinner. I leave to get there early before they sell out (they always do with this sale) and I'm in line at the lobster tank, 3 deep. I get to point out the one I want and the clerk bags it for me and I turn ... you guessed it. There she is! She just smiles THAT smile again and I nod and I'm really kind of freaking out at this point. I mean, this woman is NOT spectacular. She 30-35, about 5'4" and is probably 10-15 pounds over the height-weight scale posted at the doctor's office. But she is wearing the extra pounds quite well, and we all know those height/weight parameters are always unreasonable.
Not fat, not rail thin, nice face, rosy cheeks and real friendly brown eyes to go with her brown to auburn hair, easily classified as brunette. However, the whole package is really quite fine. From the first time I saw her I figured her to be a bit shy, but a tiger in bed, but I like to think EVERY woman is that way, and usually if you pluck the right strings, they are. But she is causing me to obsess on her, maybe all just because of the seemingly receptive smile she flashes at me.
I walked up about 3 aisles and looked back to be sure she wasn't looking my way as to see where I went. I walked all the way down the dog food, cleaner aisle and went up two more aisles to the baking aisle to get Corn bread mix. I'm reading the mix boxes, I want the one you add eggs and oil to, they don't dry up. I just decide the one I want and I get a tap on the shoulder and you know who it is and in unison we ask each other, "Are you flirting with me, or just following me?"
.... There is more of this story ...