Hey Folks. Here's another tale of broken hearts and broken dreams. But also of getting up and getting on with it. Once again my gibberish is cleaned, polished and bejeweled by the GREAT (he claims he isn't legendary) Barney-R. This one isn't as long as the one from two weeks ago but I think it's still a good story. For any of you who speak with a Southern accent, please don't take offense to my tongue in cheek versions of it. I used it not to insult or pick fun but because women with southern accents are the sexiest things on God's green earth. Nuff said. SS06
6 a.m. The Sun was just beginning to come up as I roared down the freeway. Last night I couldn't get to sleep at all. No, I wasn't thinking about the song from Marilyn Mcoo and Billy Davis. There was a jumble of all kinds of thoughts going through my head. They were all disjointed and most of them were about all kinds of subjects.
I thought about my new Goodyear supercar tires, their grip was much better than the tires I had before. I thought about Newton's laws of physics. I thought about how my life was in limbo. My iridium spark plugs did seem to make my 2009 45th anniversary Mustang GT peppier. I wondered why there were no cops on the freeway. I wondered why I was driving 145 miles per hour which immediately made me glad I had cross drilled and slotted rotors with oversized calipers.
I stomped on the brake pedal and brought my wild pony to an abrupt stop. The only sound in my ears was the incessant thrumming of my Mustang's motor. My pony wanted to run. She hated stopping and the sound of the motor let me know that she was impatient to be on our way.
I had stopped in the middle of the freeway. Luckily for me it was deserted. It was a summer Sunday morning, so no one was going to work. If it had been a busy Monday or another weekday, stopping could have gotten me killed, or gotten me into an accident at the very least.
I was fifty yards in front of a double fork in the road. I could go in any of three directions. The road to the center would take me West towards my new job and I suppose my future. When I left the motel that morning I was sure I was going that way. The road to the right would take me south and the left path would take me off of the freeway and back home.
I'm not accustomed to being indecisive. I'm at a point in my life where I usually move quickly and make decisions just as fast, but just this once, as I sat there in my car I had no idea where to go.
I'm a manufacturing Engineer and a pretty good one at that. I'm also forty years old. Being forty is like being in limbo. At forty, you're not exactly a young man any more. Most people no longer expect you to be wet behind the ears. They expect you to know what you're doing and what you're talking about.
On the other hand, at forty, you're not exactly old either. That means that no one is going to give you any kind of senior citizen discounts or perks. They're also not going to simply take things you say as coming from a position of age or wisdom. It's kind of fucked up. You're too young to be old and too old to be young.
My name is Robert Playne. As mentioned before, I'm forty years old. I've been married to my wife, Jane, for twenty years. Our daughter, Cassandra, is in her third year of college. She's in the nursing program at Michigan State and sucking money out of me left and right. She'll be getting married soon. She's been engaged to a really nice kid for about a year now. I think they're both waiting to graduate with their degrees before they tie the big knot.
Things are different for kids these days. I guess the sensible ones want to make sure they have all of the things they need BEFORE marriage and kids. I've tried several times to explain to Sandy, that her mom and I got hitched at only twenty years old because we had to. I mean we WERE in love, but we didn't have time to wait because we wanted to be married when SHE was born.
We had a few rough times early on and had to pinch our pennies. But our life turned out great. We have a beautiful home in a nice neighborhood. We have all of the creature comforts we could ever need and money in the bank.
We've talked about retiring early, so we can travel together while we're still fit enough to do so. And then we'll settle down and spoil the shit out of our grand kids.
At least that was the way it was supposed to work out. We had puttered along on the same path for almost twenty years. I love Jane more than anything I can think of. I feel the same way about Cassandra. I have a great job, great friends, and a very rich life. My life was an object in a state of uniform motion.
I loved Jane and I was confident that she felt the same. At forty we weren't kids anymore, but we were still deeply in love. We still did all of the little things that said so.
If we could have continued on that way, I'd have gone to my grave a happy camper.
I woke up one morning last week, feeling heat in my nether region. Jane as usual had fallen asleep wrapped around me. I woke up and that heat had me thinking about wake-up sex.
I reached between us and cupped her pubic mound. The soft curls were still damp with the residue of what we'd done the night before. She was sticky and moist but still warm and I started to gently rub her down there.
"Didn't you get enough of that last night?" she asked. Her voice was scratchy and she was just coming awake.
"I don't think I could ever get enough of this," I said.
"Well you're going to have to wait," she laughed. "Both of us have to work today and one of us is on the early shift." She kissed me, unleashing the dragon of her morning breath. As much as I loved her, I had never gotten used to her breath in the morning. Although I had never said anything about it to avoid hurting her feelings, Jane's morning breath was awful. It smelled like she ate peanut butter and shit sandwiches before getting into bed and they had fermented over night.
I reached for her butt as she got out of the bed. I squeezed it and she giggled. She turned around and dangled her boobs over my head, just out of reach. As quick as a cat, I lunged for her and dragged her back into bed with me.
"You know what happens to women who tease men, right?" I asked.
"What," she asked, smiling from ear to ear?
"Sooner or later, they end up getting fucked," I said. She laughed.
"That sounds so funny when you say it," she laughed. "When you say getting fucked, it sounds like something brutal and unpleasant. It's like you're describing a punishment. But you're so gentle and so loving that when we do it, it's the most pleasurable thing I can imagine. It's more of a reward. And I promise you can reward me all you want tonight. But I have to get my ass to the office, or Hank is going to fire me."
"Hank is your uncle," I laughed. "Besides, he and everyone else there, know that you only work there to help him out. He should be paying you a lot more."
"Yeah," she said. "But Uncle Hank is family. And besides, I only work at the office to give me something to do. You're at work most of the day and Cassandra is away at college. Being at the office gives me something to do."
"It gives you a chance to flirt with all of those God damned salesmen," I snapped.
She laughed so hard she fell on the bed beside me. "You think it's funny," I said. "But..."
Before I could finish my sentence she covered my mouth with hers, dragon breath and all.
"I don't think it's funny at all," she said. I noticed a tear in the corner of her eye. "I think it's the sweetest, most romantic thing ever. I can't believe you still get jealous after all of this time. You still act like I'm some hot young girl and you don't want anyone else near me."
Sometimes it's best not to say anything, so I didn't. "I love you, Bob," she gushed. "Now go brush your teeth, while I shower, so your next kiss won't taste like feet." I swatted her on her substantial ass as she walked away.
Jane was no longer the svelte girl/woman that she'd been when we first got together, but after twenty years, two Mustangs, three houses, a full grown daughter and a lifetime of triumphs and tragedies, I still loved her the same as I did then.
I lay there in the bed, imagining what the next few years of our lives would be like. Now that our daughter was an adult, we could begin the next phase. There were so many places we had always wanted to see and things we'd wanted to do.
"Hey, I thought you were supposed to be getting your lazy ass up and brushing those teeth," she said. "Hurry up, I'm not kissing you goodbye until you get that taste out of your mouth. I'll be downstairs waiting for you mister."
As she said it, she grabbed her boobs and squeezed them, and then let them fall back into place. Her blouse was tight enough to outline her boobs, even though it was buttoned all the way up so that not even a hint of cleavage showed. At work she was totally professional; at home she was an outrageous tease.
I hopped up and ran into the bathroom. I quickly brushed my teeth and also took the time to shave. When I hurried down the stairs, Jane was on the computer. I noticed that she had her email account open and quickly closed it as I came into the room. "Just checking the list of ingredients for the special treat I'm making you for dinner tonight, Honey," she smiled.
That was it. It's often the little things, like a crack in a huge dam that let us know that a huge problem is right behind them. Jane had just lied to me. In the twenty years that we'd been married, I had never checked up on her. I had never invaded her privacy in any way. Sure she considered herself to be keeping a tight leash on me, but I trusted her. She'd never given me any reason not to. But that morning, Jane had just given me a reason. She had looked me right in the eye, smiled at me, and lied. I didn't care about her emailing her friends. There was no reason to hide it or to lie about it. Or was there?
She got up from the computer after closing her web page and quickly pulled me in for a kiss. I was too shocked to respond the way I normally did, but I guess her nervousness matched mine.
"I'll see you tonight," she said, before snatching up her purse and walking out of the door.
I quickly opened up a new tab on the Google chrome browser that Jane had left open. One thing about Chrome is that it is designed to be very user friendly. If you close a tab, but leave the browser open, you can go back to the previous sites that you were at without having to re-enter your passwords, especially when you close the tabs before actually signing out. So by going back to AOL, I was able to access Jane's email account. I saw nothing suspicious. When I looked at her bookmarks she really did have a hell of a lot of recipes saved.
I looked in her in-box and nothing suspicious leaped out at me. She had email from her mom and several from her sister. There was one from one of the men she worked with and I got angry. So I did what any husband would have done. Yeah, okay, I'm an asshole. I violated her privacy. I read her fucking email and felt like an ass.
The guy had just gotten married and wanted Jane to come over so she could meet his new wife. From reading between the lines, I got the message that the guy wanted something I had. But it wasn't Jane. Apparently the guy was seriously considering buying a Mustang and really wanted to talk to me about it. I was so relieved. I quickly went back to her in-box and marked the message "keep as new." With any luck, Jane would never know that I had read it.
Then I noticed that Jane had been so busy closing her e-mail, that she had forgotten to close another one of her tabs. I clicked on it and it opened to her Facebook page. I was shocked because I didn't even know that she had one. Since, I'm not really a Facebook user, I had to get used to the layout of the page. Jane apparently had over a hundred friends. Most of them were her family or people she worked with, but there were a few people that I didn't recognize. The hair on the back of my neck stood up
I saw the messages section near the top and noticed that she'd been having a long conversation with someone named Jason. That was when I began to get angry. Jason was a guy she had dated long before she met me. From hearing her talk about him with her mom and sister, they had been together for a long time and were really hot and heavy. Jason had apparently been Jane's first true love and they had always planned on getting married.
The way I heard it, Jason had gone off to the army and while he was away, Jane had left the area they lived in. She had met me; we fell in love, got married, and had a kid, end of story.
Over the years, I hadn't heard much about Jason, except that Jane's parents had never liked him. And since old Jason was in the past, I had never given him much thought. But here he was sending messages to Jane.
Yeah, I read the fucking messages. I started from the beginning. There were hundreds of them. They started out innocently enough. They started out like two old friends re-connecting. They talked about things they'd done when they were younger and their lives. But somewhere in the middle the guy started talking about how much he missed her and wished that they had stayed together.
It took a few messages but Jane had begun telling him that she wondered how her life would have been if they HAD stayed together. It took a few more weeks for it to come out but he told her that he still loved her. At first she didn't respond to that. She told him that she was a happily married woman and that she loved me.
A few messages later and she was telling him that she loved him too, but only as a friend. They kept reminiscing about days gone by and the things they used to do, which apparently included a lot of sex, and the next thing I knew she was telling him she loved him too.
Then he started hinting that she should come to visit. He had it all worked out. She could come to visit him on the pretense that she was visiting her parents and family in town. While she was there, she could tell her parents that she was visiting her aging aunt, Tilly. She could tell Aunt Tilly that she was visiting her parents. That way the two of them could spend their time together.
At that moment I wanted to find that motherfucker and choke the life out of him. Jane of course said, "NO," it would never happen. But I was sure that if he kept trying to persuade her, eventually he would get his way. There I was standing there in my home office, angry as hell at the woman who only an hour before I had been sure that I would love forever.
I was also late for work. I quickly called the plant and explained that I'd had car trouble and would be in. I called a colleague of mine who worked in IT and owed me a favor. I got him to come over to the house right then.
Rick was happily married, like I thought I was. He got there and by the look on my face he could tell I was pissed.
I swore him to secrecy, which was easy as hell and the reason I had picked Rick out of all the guys I knew in IT. Although Rick was happily married, he entertained fantasies of being a spy or a PI. He was one of the best computer guys I know, but he dreamed of being 007.
"Rick, can you..." I began.
"Steal the whore's passwords for you and rig it so that the computer explodes if she ever emails that guy again?" he blurted out. He had an excited look on his face. "How big do you want the explosion to be? I can probably rig it so that HIS computer fries its hard drive, but without getting into his house, I can't get you an explosion on his end. And it's really..."
"Rick," I said calmly. "I was hoping to put the reins on him before he got away from me. If she changes her password or notices that I've been in her account, I'd be out of luck. Can you just rig it so that copies ... copies mind you, of her emails and Facebook messages get sent to my account?"
"Piece of cake," he said. "I'm just wondering why she didn't have all of this stuff sent to her account at work."
"For the same reason that I don't want you to send it to my email account at work," I said. "Because guys like you, get paid to snoop through people's accounts to find evidence of them doing things they shouldn't be doing at work."
"That makes sense," he said. He set me up a completely separate Yahoo email account and sent copies of all of Jane's email and Facebook messages to that account. Then both of us went to the plant to work, the difference was Rick went back so charged up that he could barely function. To him it had been a dream come true. He was wrapped up finally in the world of secrets, lies and counterespionage, albeit on a smaller scale that he had always dreamed of.
For me it was a much different feeling. I felt as if I had been punched in the gut repeatedly. My entire world had changed. My life was no longer an object at a steady rate of motion.
I had nearly gotten caught that morning. It was stupid. I was stupid. But after passing forty, I'd begun to just feel like life was passing me by. At first I thought it was just empty nest syndrome, with Cassandra going off to college. But once I started working in my Uncle Hank's office, it got worse. All day long I listened to the other women there, talking about all the things they did and I was jealous.
I wasn't jealous that they were single. I love being married to Bob. He is the kindest, most loving man I know. I guess what I missed was the excitement we had when we were younger. Excitement isn't really the word for it. I think what I'm missing is that sense of desperation; the thrill of living on the edge. They say that youth is wasted on the young. I understand that now.
That feeling of not knowing what is going to happen to you next, or just taking what life throws at you and winning your way through by the skin of your teeth is so exhilarating.
A few months ago I got on Facebook because everyone else at the office did it. I occasionally got messages and friend requests from people I hadn't heard from in years. One of them was my old boyfriend. I'd been sure that I was going to marry Jason. The fact that my parents hated him only made things better between us. I guess that's that idea of living on the edge again.
Jason and I never really broke up. We just went in different directions by mutual agreement. Out of the blue, I got a call from him and he told me that he had decided to join the military and he'd be gone for a few years. I was shocked to say the least. He had never mentioned enlisting before. In fact, Jason was about the most undisciplined man I knew. He hated the idea of being told what to do. I guess to be truthful, Jason was lazy.
But signing up, was a very mature step and I swore to him that I would wait for him and remain faithful. Strangely enough, he told me that it wouldn't be necessary. He would be traveling to far off places and he wanted to experience everything life could throw at him. Being tied into such a severe promise while we were only twenty years old wasn't fair to either of us. So Jason joined up and I moved to Michigan to help care for my Uncle Hank's wife, Aunt Kate. I met Bob and fell in love with him and we've been together ever since.
But hearing from Jason was like re-igniting a flame that had been allowed to die. It took a while, but I found myself telling him things that I shouldn't have. I also found myself comparing him to Bob. And lately, in my comparisons, I've begun to realize that Bob probably wasn't the better man between the two of them.
When I was with Jason, I felt freer and more alive. It seemed like every new day brought new experiences and new challenges. The air seemed to smell better, the grass was greener, and the sex was far more thrilling. It was just ... BETTER. I found myself dreaming about what my life could have been like with Jason. But I was an old married woman. It was too late to find out. I should probably just chalk it up to what should have been. I was stuck in a rut, with no way out.
Lately, Jason has been more insistent. He kept begging and pleading with me to come and visit him. And from the tone of his messages, I know that he doesn't want me to visit so we can play cards. For my part, I'm very tempted. His idea to pretend that I'm visiting my parents seems like a good one. The problem is that if I go there and have a few days of excitement and mind blowing sex, I probably wouldn't want to come back. Bob would be lost without me and my daughter would hate me for abandoning her daddy.
It was very hard for me to even look at Jane, when I got home that night. I hadn't gotten much work done at the office. I had rolled the situation over in my mind at least a hundred times.
The first thing that went through my mind was that I felt so betrayed and so hurt that I wanted to lash out and hurt Jane back. I wanted her out of my life forever. On the other hand, Jane hadn't actually done anything. She hadn't fucked the guy. She hadn't even kissed him. All she was actually guilty of was writing some messages to an old flame. No, it was worse than that. How did Jimmy Carter say it?
Jane had lust in her heart. That made it just as bad as if she had actually done something. She was having an emotional affair with some clown from her past. She was spending time and effort on her relationship with him that could have been spent on us.
At the same time, maybe it was just a harmless fantasy. Everyone had a right to their dreams. Her relationship with Jason hadn't hurt us much until I found out about it. Jane like everyone else had a right to the sanctity of her dreams. The thing that bothered me the most though, was the way she had begun talking about me, as if I was responsible for her life being boring. She made it seem like our life sucked. Her fondest wish was to spend a few days with Jason. And as much as the idea terrified me; I decided to give her the chance.
As I walked into my formerly happy home, it was difficult to pretend that nothing was different. As a matter of fact, I sucked at it. Jane knew almost instantly that something was wrong.
"Are you okay, Honey?" she asked. "Does something hurt?"
"No, I'm fine," I said. She kept looking at me and coming over to me while she cooked dinner.
"Bob, there's something wrong. I can tell," she said. "What is it?"
"It's my tail lights," I said in frustration.
"What?" she asked, looking at me as if I was crazy?
"I bought those Raxion gen 5 tail lights to upgrade my car. My car is black," I said.
"I know that sweetheart," she replied.
"I hated those old and dated looking red tail lights," I continued. "So I bought the Raxions from American Muscle. The directions on the web site made it look simple to install them. They were supposedly plug and play. But when I looked at my car's wiring harness, I knew that they lied. I'm a God damned engineer and I have no clue about all of that wiring."
"Honey, you're a manufacturing engineer," she said softly.
"Exactly!" I said. "I could probably make those fucking tail lights, but I can't install them. Now I have to go to an automotive electrical shop to have them put in. They should have instructions for every year of Mustangs that the lights fit, and every model too. The GT premiums have a different wiring configuration with a lot more wires and..."
She just walked over and put her arms around me. "Honey, you don't have to do all of the work on your car yourself. We can afford to have it done," she said. She was almost laughing as she looked at me.
I was sure that she believed it, for two reasons. The first was because I was always doing something to my car. Cassandra actually called the car her sister because I treated it like it was my second child.
The second reason was because it really was true. Those fucking tail lights were driving me crazy. But I had found a shop out on Gratiot Avenue that could put them in for me. The owner had been sure they could do it.
I had dodged a bullet, but I needed to be far more careful. A couple of hours later, I was lying in bed when Jane came in. Since Cassandra had gone away to school and was only home on alternate weekends, Jane had given up all pretense of modesty.
She stepped out of the shower and dried off and walked through the house completely naked looking for me. I had one eye cracked as she walked into our bedroom. Her large breasts swayed from side to side as she looked around. Normally, I'd have one of them in my mouth as soon as I saw her.
"Bob," she gushed. "I've got something for you."
I don't know what was going through my mind. It was the same pussy that I'd been trying to get that morning. The same pussy that I'd worshipped for the past twenty years. I was relatively sure that no one except me had been in it during those same twenty years. But all of a sudden, the thought of sticking my dick in her made me sick to my stomach.
Maybe it was because in my mind, Jane was no longer mine alone. I had loved her and supported her for twenty years, just so some clown from her home town could reclaim her as soon as he found her. The thing that galled me the most was how quickly she had forgotten everything we'd gone through together. All the years of being there and taking care of her when she was sick, apparently meant nothing
Fuck her, they deserved each other.
She shook me trying to get me to wake up. I rolled over and looked at her, still feigning sleep.
"Oh ... G' night, Honey," I said. "I forgot to tell you. I have to go out of town next week. I'll be gone for four days. I leave Monday. I'll be back by Friday night. That way I won't miss Sandy's visit."
She didn't say anything about the trip. "But Honey, aren't we going to... ?" she asked. Then she lay down beside me. She wrapped one arm around me and spooned against me. I think she was frustrated because she would have normally been the one in front. But with me turning my back towards her, she tried to get as much contact as she could.
Even having her arm around me was almost painful for me. I think that I was already trying to distance myself from her emotionally. Call it a survival mechanism or just plain anger, but in my mind, I wasn't even going to try to fight for her. I had already conceded her to Jason. As far as I was concerned, she was his now and I didn't like her touching me.
I felt as if I had wasted twenty years of my life. The only thing I had to show for it was Cassandra. My daughter was the only good thing to come from twenty years of wasted love and wasted emotion.
Next week would tell me everything I had to know. It was a test that I was very sure she would fail and our life together would be over. Even if she came back, which I seriously doubted I would have no place for her in my heart or my life.
Maybe it was the cave man in me, but MY wife, had to be MY wife alone. The whole sharing is caring thing didn't work for me. Of course to protect myself when things went bad and we ended up in court, I would need evidence. Even as we lay there, she wiggled against me trying to interest me in what she had to offer. I on the other hand began planning my exit strategy.
I needed a good lawyer. I had no idea where to find anyone who handled that kind of thing. I also didn't really feel comfortable discussing my failure with anyone I knew.
When it all came down to it that was the way I felt. I felt as if I had failed. I had failed to keep my wife interested in me. Obviously I was so boring or so unappealing that my wife needed to start up a relationship with a past lover. Or maybe our entire time together was a lie. Perhaps I was just a place holder in her life until he retired from the military and came back to claim her.
She had probably been comparing us all along and found that I came out second in all of the most important categories. So now that G.I. Jason had returned, I was cast aside.
I believe in romance. I believe in true love and all of that other bullshit, but more than anything else, I believe in fairness. And it was damned unfair of Jane to keep me on a string while she had her relationship on the side with the man she really wanted to be with. If she wanted to be with Jason, the least she could do is tell me.
She should allow me to walk away with my dignity intact and move on with my life. I had the right to find someone who loved me enough to be with me alone.
I fell asleep making plans. Throughout the night I dreamed of my marriage and I came up with hundreds of ways that I had failed Jane. By the time I awoke the next morning I was exhausted from my emotional dreams. And I was even more convinced that Jane and I no longer belonged together. But I had to get out of it with my pride intact. I needed to get out on my terms.
I got out of bed an hour early leaving Jane asleep. She mumbled in her sleep as I left the room. I showered and dressed and left the house without saying a word to her.
I had breakfast alone, in a diner near the plant I worked in. I handled my assignments that day as if I was in a fog. Normally I'd have been visited by a large number of friends and colleagues who were wondering what I was doing and what my latest research was on. But unlike the comics or the internet romance stories, no one came to visit me.
In real life no one visits a guy when he's feeling down. If I had been a woman they'd have showered me with concern and affection. But as a man, they maintained their distance. Men are not allowed to have feelings. A man, even after being married to a woman for decades, is expected to just suck it up and move on.
The only person, who came to see me, was Rick. When I told him about my plans his eyes lit up. I told him about what I wanted to do and what I would need. I had taken some time to go on the internet and research divorce lawyers in my area and had spoken to a handful of them.
Most of them agreed that if I wanted a divorce without mortgaging my soul to Jane, I'd have to be able to prove that there were grounds for the divorce. Otherwise the judge or court would simply side with her. They would assume that I just wanted to cast her to the side for a younger woman or a woman that I found more attractive. They'd think that I was doing pretty much what she was doing to me.
If I made any type of accusations against her, she could simply deny them and it would be my word against hers. Most of the lawyers thought I should hire a P. I.
When I said that part Rick got upset. "What the hell can those guys do that I can't?" he asked.
We had a long conversation about it and Rick ended up taking some vacation time to follow Jane back to her home town and get pictures for me of Jane misbehaving. I truly believe that Rick would have paid me for the chance to live out his 007 fantasy.
I offered to pay for his motel room and plane fare and he accepted. He seemed to be more excited about the whole thing than I was. I was sure that I could get him the information regarding the flight she would take because although Jane had a bank account of her own, she didn't have much money of her own. That meant that she would be more likely to buy her plane tickets from our joint account.
All I had to do was to wait for her to tell me that she would be visiting her parents. Then I could inform Rick and the game would be on.
It didn't take very long. As soon as I got home that evening, Jane was all over me. She was kissing and hugging on me like we were still on our honeymoon. I tried to pretend that I was enjoying it. But truthfully, I looked at her as if seeing her for the first time.
It was puzzling how just this afternoon, she'd written to Jason and told him how much she missed him and was looking forward to seeing him. She agreed with him when he said that they should have gotten married. She even told him how much she loved him. But now less than an hour later she was claiming to love only me. Women are confusing. Which one of us was she lying to?
She started hinting around about having sex, so I told her that I had injured my back and was trying to rest it. When she reached around me and tried to rub it, I pretended that even touching it hurt.
She looked really concerned. At that point, I really wasn't sure which one of us was the better actor.
As we sat down at dinner, the answer to that question was made painfully clear.
"Bob, Honey," she began. "Since you're going to be gone anyway, I think I'm going to go home and visit my parents for a few days, okay?" she asked.
I had my answer. My marriage and my life as I knew it, was over.
"Sure, Jane, that's fine," I said. Over the next two days, Jane showered me with affection. I tried not to show it but I grew more and more depressed.
The only person other than Jane who seemed to be happy about the events was Rick. He was buying cameras and disguises and telling me about each one. I was glad that my misery seemed to be the defining incident in his life.
As I sat on the plane waiting while it taxied towards the terminal, there were at least a thousand thoughts going through my mind. Maybe I was exaggerating but at least a hundred ideas, emotions and feelings battled for a place at the forefront of my psyche.
Some of those thoughts revolved around Bob. There was something off about that man. I know him better than anyone, and there was clearly something wrong with him. He was hurt by something and he was keeping it inside of him. I'd been thinking about it, I couldn't stop myself. I was sure that it had something to do with his job, because it all started on the same day that he told me about his business trip.
It had been years since Bob had travelled for business. Usually they sent someone else. This was why Bob thought that he was too valuable in the plant to send him off on errands that any engineer or even some of the sales guys could handle. Perhaps that was it. Maybe there were some newer, younger hot shots around and Bob wasn't as valuable as he once was. That could be it. The blow to his ego and status could have him in a funk.
Bob had to learn that his job meant nothing to us. It was our source of income, nothing more. He needed to focus on me and our future.
That thought seemed kind of hollow suddenly. Did we even have a future? What if the butterflies in my stomach, were telling me that my future was with Jason? It was hard to face. And I really didn't want to hurt Bob, but perhaps I was always meant to be with Jason.
What if the moment I laid eyes on Jason everything fell back in place. Maybe I would never return home. Maybe I would just stay with Jason forever. I dreaded the phone call I would have to make.
I'd be as gentle as I could. After all, I had a child with Bob. And he had taken care of me and loved me for twenty years. I would have to pick my words carefully.
I rehearsed the words in my mind.
"Bob, Honey, I love you. I've loved being married to you. We've had a great life. But, it's time for me to turn in another direction. I guess things just didn't work out."
I know he would be very hurt, but I had to think of my own happiness. Bob is a big boy. He'll get over it in time. Of course he and my daughter and all of our friends will blame me. It'll be Jason and me against the world. It'll be just the way we always imagined it when we were in our twenties and madly in love.
Bob, as nice a guy as he is, has never been as exciting as Jason. He's never been as attractive. He's never been as wild, or as strong. He's never been able to float my boat the way that Jason can. Compared to Jason, Bob is nothing.
I was drawn out of my thoughts by the announcement that the plane had reached the terminal. I got out of my seat and stepped into the aisle.
I slowly filed out of the plane and into the terminal with the rest of the passengers and looked around. My heart was in my chest. I imagined Jason as being as hot and as sexy as he was when we were younger. In his messages he told me that he hasn't changed much.
Unfortunately, I had. I hope that he'll still want to be with me even though I've aged considerably. My legs aren't as tight or as smooth as they were back then. I have a bit of a tummy too. It's a souvenir of child birth. My ass is fatter, but my boobs are bigger too. Jason always loved my boobs. They were his favorite toys to play with.
I met him when I was a nineteen year old virgin. He was the first man to play with them. I felt kind of guilty about giving them to another man while Jason was off defending our country. But life was about second chances. If Jason still wanted these boobs, after twenty years of another man playing with them, he could have them. I hoped with all of my heart that he did.
As I looked around the terminal, I saw people being met by their loved ones and by others. Some of them simply started talking to the people who met them and others kissed or hugged them as if they'd been apart forever.
From nowhere I thought I heard the sound of someone calling my name. I looked and saw a short, balding man smiling at me. He needed a shave and his clothes looked as if they needed to be washed.
Despite his outward appearance, there was something in his eyes that was the same. It was Jason. I guess the years hadn't been as kind to him as they had been to me.
My initial feeling was one of shock. There was something just not right about this whole thing. I suddenly felt as if ... No. I realized that what I was feeling was probably just guilt.
As Jason made his way over to me and quickly grabbed me into his arms, the feeling that I was making a mistake grew stronger. My body was confused. Somehow, being in Jason's arms, didn't feel right. And his arms were thin and hairy. They weren't the arms that I remembered from my youth. And they certainly didn't make me feel as safe as when Bob hugged me.
And then I jumped. Jason had run one of his hands down my back and was squeezing one of my ass cheeks as if it belonged to him. I quickly moved his hand away.
"Jeezus, what the hell is wrong with you?" he asked.
"Jason, we're in a public place," I said. "Why are you grabbing my ass in full view of all of these people?"
"Fuck them," he smiled. "They don't mean shit to me."
His words were familiar. It was the kind of thing he always said. As I looked around and saw the looks on the faces of the people who had seen what he did, I was embarrassed.
He leaned over towards me and whispered into my ear. "I can't wait to get you to your hotel and get those clothes off of you," he growled. "I'm gonna tear that pussy up!"