You hear all the time of people discovering their partners cheating, I never thought it would happen to me, but it seems I was wrong. Did I come home early? Did I or someone see them together? No. I found out because my mate's brother in law is a priest. Confession was it? Again no. It was because he got arrested, you already know what for, he is a priest after all.
My mate John's, father in law had sadly just died, and so John's brother in law had stayed with John and his wife for a few days, to attend the funeral and such. It was shortly after he left John and returned to his diocese that he was arrested. Once John found out why he had been arrested, he panicked and phoned me.
"Greg mate, Julies brother is getting done for fucking choirboys." he complained.
"I thought it was part of his job." I joked.
"That may be, but the perverted bastard has been using my computer, who knows what's on it."
"So why did you call me?"
"Well I know fuck all about computers, but I know enough that it needs wiping and I have lots of shit I don't want to lose, and you know a lot more about that shit and you have the same machine can you sort it out for me."
"It'll take me hours and hours, maybe even days." I complained
"Please mate, I will pay you. If I take it to the filth they will confiscate it."
So an hour later I am wiring his hard drive unit into my monitor and keyboard. The first thing I did was install a scrubber program and wiped his browser history with it. I did that so I wouldn't find out any of John's guilty secrets. I know I wouldn't want anyone checking mine. I cleaned off the ridiculous amount of shortcuts he had on his desktop, before spending a couple of hours saving some of his work to a plug in hard drive, but only after examining each file for hidden files that shouldn't be there.
He phoned me the next day and asked if I had finished it yet.
"Fuck off," I replied good naturedly "I said it would take a while, I'll let you know when I'm done."
"Nah only joking mate, I just wanted you to know there is a secret keylogger on it, I put it on when the kids lived at home, it might help you find shit, cut down how much work you have to do."
"Good thinking." I replied.
He told me how to make it visible and after dinner I checked it. It didn't show any evidence that the priest had been bashing his bishop on this computer. It did however show me I needn't have bothered to hide Johns history, good job for him I can be discreet. I let John know the keylogger results, assuring him I hadn't seen what he had been up to. He asked whether I could continue to check, just to make sure.
His was a similar system to mine and as it was fitted where my system should be, I guess Jane hadn't noticed any difference other than the wallpaper. I found she had logged into a seedymail account I didn't know she had. Everything I needed was right there in the keylogger, call it curiosity or being just plain nosey, I logged into it. That was when my world ended.
"Chucky baby I can't wait until you are back in England," I read "I have booked that Tues and Wed off work so we can have both days together, I am on the 2-10 shift and will tell Dan I will shop after work, that should give us till well after eleven to make whoopee."
It was dated today so it was probably in three weeks time. She did three alternating shifts, days nights and lates, today was Wednesday. It seems my wife has been playing with me. Her and Chooky had played with me. A one sided game, and it was a game I had lost. Now it was time for me to play with her and her partner. I would use the same rules, she would not know, neither would he.
Chuck, Chucky turd. I knew who he was, but I must admit I thought I had seen the last of him years ago.
He had moved from America with his family, years ago when I was in my last year at school. We had met at a disco, I say met, we had an argument. I was with a girl called Diane and he had started to chat her up whist I was getting us a drink. When I got back with the drinks I could see I had already lost in the game of love.
"Hi I'm Chuck, I'm from the US of A" he announced in that over confident drawl they speak, as if he expected me to be impressed.
"Chook?" I said. "Chook chook chook, here chook chook chookyee" sounding like I was calling chickens like my Grandad did when he fed them. I mean how do you turn Charles into chuck? That still confuses me.
"Why are you saying that?" he drawled
"Well over here in the civilised world the word chuck means to throw, or it can be said chook which is a pet name for chickens, so are you a throw away or a chicken?"
Well that was when he punched me or tried to, I blocked his wild swing and gave him the proverbial Glasgow kiss, a headbutt in more universal terms, and he dropped like a stone. Well that was it, Diane officially chucked me, and I got chucked out of the dance and went home early, sans girlfriend.
Diane only stayed with Chooky boy for a few weeks before she got replaced, he went through a few women at regular intervals, his last one lasted six months, or so I thought. He moved with his family back to the states and a few months later I was going with his most recent ex you guessed it, Janie.
I scrolled through the emails, all thought of dealing with John's computer gone from my mind. His punctuation was still abysmal, no capital letters, the occasional full stop. I was still reading them when she got home. I shut down the computer wondering what to do. Suddenly an idea jumped into my head. I moved to another chair. When she came in, I didn't speak, didn't welcome her home with a drink and a kiss as I normally do.
"Somethin' wrong darlin'" she asked.
It took a few seconds before I answered. "Should there be?"
"No darlin', I 'aven't done anything wrong 'ave I?
"Don't know, have you?"
"Don't think so, but you seem to be off."
"It's just that today at work, Bert mentioned that dickhead yank, and it's brought back bad memories." I lied. "Bad memories, but as far as I am concerned good news and funny too,
"Dick head yank, I don't know who you mean."
"Yeah you do Charles Weinstein the the third, or Chooky Whiney turd as most called him, you went with him for a while didn't you."
Her face flushed and she gave a furtive glance at the computer.
"Yes but nothing serious, I was mostly just keeping him company while he was preparing to go back home."
"What did Bert say about him anyway?"
I ignored her question and asked. "You ever hear anything from him after he fucked off back over there."
"No, no, nothing."
"You okay Jane, are you hot?"
"No I'm fine why?"
"You look hot."
"I bet you say that to all the girls."
I did not reply or smile at her joke.
"He's got aids apparently, well HIV."
"You asked what Bert said, apparently Chucky turd has spent some time in Africa and has been getting a lot of black cock." As I spoke her colour changed from red to white faster than a traffic light.
"But he wasn't gay."
"Oh, you know that just means he was hiding it, you know Alabama isn't exactly gay friendly. We had a fight because he made a pass at me."
"I thought that was over Diane."
"No it was because he wanted to bet me he could give a better blow job than her."
"I don't, be..." she caught herself, she was about to say she didn't believe me, I'm really sure she was. She then asked "How does Bert know this?"
"He has a cousin that's gay, and HIV positive, apparently there's a website for the unlucky ones, it started off as a counselling and support thing. Now it has also become a dating site for those with the infection. Apparently Bert's cousin said he has been chatting with him, they're arranging a big gay black cock orgy in two or three weeks time. Or is that a gay big black cock orgy?" I smiled at the discomfort in her face.
"I think I'll turn in, I haven't the luxury of laying in bed half the day." I announced.
"Oh yeah, goodnight." she replied. For some reason I got the idea she was a little bit preoccupied.
I slept surprisingly well, the joy of what I had just done, almost made up for the betrayal and now inevitable divorce. I awoke before the alarm, a good half hour early. I got up and headed downstairs, turning on John's PC before I made my morning coffee.
The keylogger told me that she had logged into her seedymail account and sent an E-mail.
You fucking cocksucking sack of shit. How were you going to do that to me. No wonder you always were so into fucking my arse you fucking queer. Did you have it the last time we were together you bastard. Don't ever contact me ever again just fucking hurry up and die you bent bastard and then rot in hell.
And his reply
What do you mean Janie Jane? Xxxx
her reply back
Fuck off you aids ridden bastard
Janie love are you saying you think I have aids or are you on about something else.
And again hers.
I know all about your love of big black cock and you arranging an orgy when you are over here. I know all about it. The man you have been arranging it with is a cousin of a bloke that Greg works with.
Greg must know something lover, it's not true really.
If he knew he would have said something, and either way I will not be meeting you ever again. I will get tested tomorrow.
It's not true honest lover.
Janie, really Jane I am not telling you a lie.
I smiled, happy at the result but a little bit pissed off that he had sussed me.
I then found she had been checking up how and where to get herself checked. I chuckled to myself. I cleared the history and shut it down. As I was up early I had time for another coffee before I left for work.
I got home and checked her seedymail again
No more from either, I set about doing the work on John's PC.
By the time Jane was home I had got about halfway through the work he wanted saving, as yet I had found nothing.
"What you doin' darlin'." she asked.
I looked at her, she still looked worried.
"Just some things for John." I replied.
"Oh er did Bert say any more about Chu', Charles?"
"Oooh yes, apparently some tramp he has been fucking when he's over here has found out about him and he is none too happy cos she's told him to fuck off." I paused for dramatic effect. Trying to look suddenly horrified. "It's not you is it, do I need to get checked?"
I must admit I hoped she would deny it, I wanted to continue the wind up. If she admitted it we would start talking divorce, but before I did that I wanted to deplete our bank accounts first. But she caught me by surprise, she fainted.
I thought to myself. "Fuck her." and left her lying on the floor.
When she hadn't moved after five minutes I called for an ambulance.
They arrived just as she was coming round, they took her away to get checked out, I told the ambulance men that I would follow. Once they had gone, I logged in again to her account. I looked back again through the mails and noted that he came over about every two months, the last time was about six weeks ago, so even if she got a negative test she still couldn't be sure.
She would have probably had a quick urine test today if she had gone for a test, which I assume as expected was negative, but she would also have had blood taken which apparently will take two weeks. Oh dear, the suspense, when will it end.
Another thought entered my head at that point. Her seedy address was sick, it was email@example.com I opened a new one as firstname.lastname@example.org I sent the new address to him; telling him I(she) thought he was right and that Greg(me) was suspicious. I then deleted it from the sent items. His seedymail was email@example.com I opened one as firstname.lastname@example.org and changed the spelling to suit in her contacts; hoping she wouldn't notice the difference. So now I should get mails from both, and any they received should be from me. I cleared the history and got ready to drive to the hospital.
When I got there she had been admitted for observation and was laying on a bed in a hallway, waiting to be taken to a ward. She didn't speak to me, she just lay there staring at the ceiling. It worked well enough for me, I hung around for half an hour and headed home, I went to bed and slept the sleep of the righteous.
In the morning I checked all three accounts he had answered to the new account.
Janie love See you soon, I am clean honest xxx
I(she) didn't reply, after all she is in hospital.
When I got home from work Friday night she was home.
"Hello," I said as I walked into the lounge. "what's for tea."
"You could ask why I fainted?"
"Yes I could, but do I want to, by the way my piss test was negative how about yours.?"
"I haven't had a test. I don't need one."
"Bert was on the phone to his cousin today at lunch apparently chucky turd is not a happy chappy, because his tramp wouldn't reply to his e mails last night, you know, while you were in hospital unable to get to a computer." I looked at her for her reaction.
That was weird, she looked both red and white at the same time, I think she nearly passed out again.
When I was able to check the mails again, he was asking why she hadn't replied, he had mailed both accounts of hers. I deleted the one on her account and replied to him from my (her) account. I told him I(she) had been doing some deep thinking about what she wanted and wanted him to give her a few days, and please stop using the other account. He replied almost immediately, perhaps the bastard is in love? I was once, but I now think its overrated, it can only lead to pain.
Him to her from me
ok if that's the way you feel then fuck you put up with your low class pencil dicked husband and your fucking low class life I can get any whore to suck my dick and no doubt do a better job.
I think that is the correct vernacular. Hopefully it will be good enough for her to read through her tears.
I walked down the pub in the afternoon on Saturday and watched the six nations and sank a couple of beers. England won their match so a couple of beers became a few, yes I think the gods were smiling on me today. By the time I got home Jane was in bed. I decided I was too drunk to do anything on the computer, so I turned the telly on and got myself a bottle of beer.
I fell asleep watching some Stephen Seagal film, I woke up about five with a a dry tongue and a need to pee. I sorted the tongue out first and necked an almost full carton of orange juice. The noise I made while having a piss must have awoken her, she joined me as I was making coffee.
"Where were you last night." she spat
"Down the pub." I replied pleasantly.
"I thought you would want to talk about this stupid Idea you have got into your head." she said angrily.