Looking back at some of the crazy shit we used to do when we were younger, I'm amazed that most of us are still alive and have maintained our sanity, what little we had to begin with anyway. Thirty some years ago, several friends and I threw what turned out to be one crazy Halloween party at which I was bewitched. Although parts of this story are based upon what happened at several different real parties, a large part of this story is completely fictitious and a product of my over active imagination. I am also changing the names of the participants in the true parts to protect the innocent and not so innocent, and to protect me from any potential libel suits as well.
I was in my mid twenties when this happened, in between marriages, and renting a room, with use of the kitchen, bathroom and yard, in a house owned by George, an old high school friend, who was also divorced. Needless to say, with two bachelors sharing a house, our place became known as Party Central. In order to defray the costs for the beer, we kept an empty coffee can with a piece of paper taped to it labeled "Beer Fund" on top of the refrigerator so that people could make donations to pay for the next keg. When we had enough money in the can, we had another party the following weekend.
We were able to maintain peace with our neighbors by simply inviting them to our parties. Although most of them didn't attend, they felt they couldn't really complain to the police because they had been invited after all. We did try to keep things under control as far as noise and other craziness was concerned, although that wasn't always possible. We also tried to help out our neighbors when we could, such as shoveling the snow off of the sidewalks for our elderly neighbors and sending a pitcher or two of beer over to the sweet old Italian couple who lived next door to us.
Halloween was always a fun time at our house, and I wanted to make up a particularly outrageous costume to do it right that year. I went to a thrift store and picked up an old rain coat and some suspenders. I stopped by the mall, where I picked up a pair of extra extra large long johns, a can of three tennis balls, a roll of wide masking tape, and finally found some flesh colored paint in a hobby shop. I think everything together cost me less than $10.00.
After making sure I had everything I would need, I began putting my costume together. First, after we had finished reading it, I took the Sunday newspaper and rolled it together as tightly as I could and taped it so that it wouldn't unravel. I found several straws and taped them onto the appropriate places on the newspaper, then taped the entire length of the newspaper with the wide masking tape. After I had finished taping the entire length of the newspaper, I pushed the center so that one end was slightly concave, almost like a cup. Next, I took one of the tennis balls and placed it in the cup and taped it into place, using the masking tape to build it up enough around where the tennis ball rested on the newspaper so that the shape would be correct for my costume.
When I had finished all of that, I put the first of two coats of the flesh colored paint on it, adding a second coat after the first had completely dried. After the second coat of paint was completely dry, I used a dark felt tip marker to carefully draw lines over where the straws were sticking up under the tape. My next task was to find an empty bread wrapper, into which I placed the remaining two tennis balls. I rolled the open end of the bread wrapper a bit so that the tennis balls would be the correct distance below the convex end of the rolled up newspaper. I securely taped the open end of the bread wrapper to the convex end of the rolled up newspaper, and the major part of my costume was now ready for the party.
Halloween finally arrived and a bunch of friends came over to help us clean the house and help us get everything ready for the party. Once the entire house was clean and ready for the party, everyone left to get cleaned up and changed into their costumes while George and I did the same. I did encounter one minor problem when I was getting changed into my costume. That was easily remedied however by using a pair of scissors to increase the size of the opening of the long johns so that the newspaper would fit through it.
George and I were in our costumes and had just tapped the keg, which was sitting in a barrel of ice on our side porch, by the time our first guests arrived. I put "Disraeli Gears", the classic album by Cream, on the stereo to begin getting the proper mood set for our party. Several people brought food with them which they took to the kitchen and placed the food in the appropriate places, whether that was the stove, in a crock pot, or the refrigerator. While people were busy getting the food ready, someone went to the keg, filled a couple of pitchers with beer, then went around and filled everyone's sixteen ounce plastic cup with the ice cold brew. I had several people ask me about my costume, but I told them I would show it to them in a little while.
Once the food was pretty well together, several of us sat at the kitchen table and had a joint rolling contest, while Fred, another friend, was busily chopping a bunch of mushrooms into real tiny pieces. When he had finished chopping the mushrooms, someone reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a large container of French onion dip. She poured about a third of the dip into a green bowl and the remainder into a larger yellow bowl, which she handed to Fred. He scraped the large pile of chopped mushrooms into the yellow bowl, making sure he had gotten everything into the bowl. He then took a large spoon and thoroughly mixed the mushrooms into the bowlful of dip, transforming normal French onion dip into "Miracle Dip". Someone had taken a small piece of paper and drew a couple of nuclear warning signs on it, then folded it in half and taped it to a straw, which was then placed into the bowl of Miracle Dip as a warning to any who may not have wanted to partake of it.
When Fred was finally satisfied that the mushrooms were sufficiently mixed in with the dip, he tapped the spoon against the side of the bowl, knocking whatever extra dip which had stuck onto the spoon back into the bowl. Then, like a kid licking the beaters after his or her mother had finished making a cake, Fred licked the large spoon he had used to mix the dip until any extra dip was no longer evident on it. After rinsing it off, he placed the spoon into the kitchen sink, then grabbed a couple of potato chips and tested the dip. A large smile appeared on his face as he announced, "I do believe the Miracle Dip is ready."
By this time, most of our guests had arrived and the party was beginning to get interesting. Quite a few of us sampled the Miracle Dip, although a number of people did not. Music was being played on the high quality stereo we had there, people were eating the food that had been brought, the keg of beer was flowing quite nicely, and doobers were being passed around as people began to rewind their minds and rethread their heads.
After I finished eating, I picked up my cup of beer, got up from the table and mingled with the people who had arrived. I had several people ask me what my costume was, so I put my beer down, unbuttoned my rain coat, reached inside of it to take hold of the suspenders I was wearing under the rain coat, and opened the coat while releasing the top of the rolled up newspaper which had been held in place by the suspenders. The newspaper flopped down in front of me, sticking out about fifteen inches in front of me as I said, "I'm a flasher!"
Everyone cracked up laughing and most people went on their way to talk with other people, although I did notice that I seemed to be getting a bit more attention from the women there than I normally would. I was particularly surprised by how many women came up to me to stroke and fondle my rolled up newspaper, and by some of the comments they made. Florence, whose nickname was Flo, was dressed in a Catholic schoolgirl's uniform and gave me the hottest, most sultry smile as she fondled me, licked her lips and said, "This is just my size!"
Her remark was met by a number of comments from the other women, including, "Something that size would tear my little pussy apart!", "That's just a little too big for me!" and "Flo, you always were a size queen!"
After most of the women had moved on, Flo took my arm, pressing it against her firm, well rounded breasts and whispered into my ear, "Your costume has me so damn hot and wet that I'm living up to my name and flowing like a river!"
I chuckled at her remark and replied, "Looks like Ted's going to get lucky tonight, eh?"
Very softly she said, "You could be the one who's getting lucky."
I looked at her very nicely put together body and said, "As hot and sexy as I have always thought you were, and as much as I am tempted to take advantage of your offer, I couldn't do that to a friend, especially one who is as nice a guy as Ted. Why don't you go find him and show him how much you care for him?"
Flo gave me a look of disappointment, but then smiled at me and said, "Jack, you always were a good and loyal friend." She gave me a kiss on my cheek, then went off in search of her boyfriend.
.... There is more of this story ...