Summer time, the office is dead, half the staff are on holiday and there's nothing for the rest of us to do all day.
Show up, make coffee, turn on PC, read news on the BBC, check a few other sites we're allowed to access, then hope something happens, for the last two weeks precisely nothing has. I'd read two books in the fortnight since the school broke up for the summer holidays, luckily I had the key for the 6th form library, so I popped down to swap my just finished book for a new one.
The library door was already open and I could hear somebody talking.
"Shit, shit, shit, where are they all."
"Hello!" I called out.
"Ohh, who's that, I didn't think anyone else would be using the library."
"It's me, Gary. I've just come to swap a book, I've been reading loads this last couple of weeks. What are you looking for Amy?"
"I need a book on Excel, I've a spreadsheet that's stopped working, someone has broken a load of formulas so I need to fix it, but I haven't got a clue."
"Let me look at it, I've nothing to do until the time tables are finished."
"That would be great, come round to the fees office when you've chosen your book."
I sorted my book, then locked up the library and walked across the campus to the fees office.
"Oh wow, thanks for offering to help with this Gary, I need it fixed by tomorrow so we can upload the boarding fee bills."
I sat down at her computer and set to work, it was quite a simple sheet really, just a few lookups from one sheet to another, with some basic calculations taken from a currency rate table. The problem seem to be that at some point since last term somebody had saved the spreadsheet as a csv file, so all the calculations had been removed. It took me about an hour to replace the lookups and calculations, then check it all worked. Amy watched me the whole time, perched on the desk opposite.
I must have been engrossed with the work, because normally the presence of the extremely pretty Amy in the room would be very distracting. As I turned in my chair after I'd finished I could see that Amy was sat cross legged on the desk, and I could see right up her skirt, my eyes widened a little and Amy jumped down off the desk.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't see anything" I stammered.
"It's OK, I was just doing a bit of yoga to relax. I need to get these bills out tomorrow."
"No need to worry, it's all fixed."
"Seriously, you've sorted it so quick?"
"Yes, all done and tested. I assume I'm supposed to forget all these numbers."
"What, oh yes, don't tell anyone the numbers, but I can't believe you fixed it so quickly."
"It's really simple, just a few formulas repeated down the sheet, I checked the exchange rates on the second sheet and brought them up to date."
"Oh my god, you really are a hero Gary. I can get this lot uploaded tonight. Thanks ever so much."
She kissed me quickly on the cheek and a headed back to my empty office across the other side of the campus.
For the rest of the afternoon I daydreamed about Amy, her lovely apple sized boobs, her pert little bum, her fantastic deep red hair, even the Chinese symbol tattooed on her ankle.
My daydream was rudely interrupted by my telephone.
"Hello, data office."
"Hi, is that you Gary."
"Yes, it's me"
"It's Amy, where's your office?"
"Oh hi Amy, sorry I didn't recognise your voice. I'm in room 57, second floor in the technology building, the opposite end of the corridor from the Comms room"
"Thanks, don't go anywhere I'll be 5 minutes."
I put the phone down, pondering what I could have done wrong on the sheet that she'd need to come round to see me.
Five minutes later there was a knock at my door, followed by Amy's head popping round the door. "You on your own?"
"Yes, everyone else just works term time only."
"Good, then we won't be disturbed." She walked all the way in the room and locked the door behind her, "Ewww your office is a bit grotty, they don't even give you windows."
"Yeah, there used to be windows apparently, then they built the new gym, so the windows were bricked up and plastered over. Pity about that really, as I reckon the girls showers are just about there."
"Naughty boy, you shouldn't talk about school girls like that."
As she carried on her tour of my office she tripped over my bag, picking it up she spotted this week's Nuts magazine, "what have we got here, Gary's a naughty boy looking at dirty mags in school, at least they're adults though. You know, you don't look like a typical Nuts reader. I always see lads' mag readers as being lager louts or squaddies. I suppose you read it for the jokes & car news." She put it back in my bag and sat on my desk.
"How can I help you Amy?" I asked
"Oh, you've done enough for today, I came round to repay you, but your magazine choice has put me off a little, I'm not sure I'm slutty enough for your tastes."
"What do you mean?" I stammered, I always get nervous when I'm alone with girls.
"Well, I was going to take you for a drink and maybe a little meal, but I'm nowhere near as trashy as the ladies you seem to prefer, so I'll be on my way."
"No, please don't go." I almost begged, I'd never been asked out by a girl before, and the only dates I'd been on recently ended in failure.
"How old are you Gary?"
"You sure, I'm not a barmaid checking your ID"
"Yes, I'm 21"
"You act a lot younger, are you nervous of me?"
"Yes, I'm always nervous round pretty girls."
"Oh, I'm pretty am I, as pretty as," she reach for my magazine and flipped it open, "this girl."
"And I'm in 3D, and I've not been photoshopped, and I can assure you my boobs are real. Now what are we going to do with you, you're a wreck. Turn off your PC, you've done enough for today, let's go to the pub I owe you a drink at least. Leave that magazine behind, preferably in the bin."
I shut everything down and locked the door behind us, and we headed down the lane to the Coach & Horses. Amy pointed me towards a booth whilst she ordered our drinks, she'd not asked what I wanted, so it was a surprise when she came back with a pint of Pedigree, I'd assumed she'd get me lager or cider.
"You don't look like a lager man, so I got you bitter, is that OK?"
"It's perfect, this is one of my favourites in fact."
We chatted for a while about work, she was only 18, and had started working at the school in September, right after she'd finished her A-Levels there, which I thought was weird, she agreed, saying that she still felt uncomfortable calling teachers by their first names after 7 years of calling them Mr or Miss. Amy really was a lovely girl, I was feeling more and more comfortable in her presence, as she laughed and joked about the staff and kids.
All at once she turned serious, "Gary, are you a virgin?"
"Wha ... Wh ... why do you ask?"
"Just wondering, you seem like a really nice guy, but you were really nervous at first. I just wondered how you would ever ask a girl out, at least the sort of girl who'd put out for a guy they're not married to."
"We ... we ... well I've been on a few dates, but nothing has ever come of them"
"I think we need to build your confidence, because you're far too nice a guy to be left on the shelf. How would you like to go on a date with me?"
"A ... a ... a date, a proper date, like as your boyfriend?"
"Not my boyfriend yet, you'd need to last a few dates before I called you my boyfriend."
"OK, so when do you want to go out?"
"Tonight, where do you live?"
"About a mile down the road, in Beetham."
"OK, go home, get yourself showered and changed, then meet me back here at seven. Walk here, I'll drive."
"Sounds like a plan, I'll be back here at seven sharp, how should I dress?"
"In clothes would be good. Anything smart, I don't want you dress like you are now, but nothing flashy. Tell your mum you might not be coming home, just in case I like you. Now shoo, I need to go and change as well." She gave me a genuinely sweet smile and sent me off with a wave of her hand.
I walked home in a daze, had that actually happened, and if it had, would she really be there at seven when I got back?
When I got home the house was empty, but it was still early, not even five o'clock yet. I went up to my room and had a rummage about. I had a Ben Sherman shirt that was clean but could do with an iron, and a decent pair of black chinos. I went downstairs and ironed them whilst I waited for the bath to fill.
I found a bottle of Polo aftershave some random aunty had bought me at Christmas in the vain hope that I'd ever get to use it, and now I am.
The bath was full and I had a good soak and scrub, I washed my hair, and rinsed & repeated just like it says on the bottle in an effort to make you use twice as much.
I dried myself off in front of the full length mirror on the bathroom door, I wasn't too shabby I thought, maybe I was a little bit scrawny, perhaps I'll start using the school gym when it reopens in the new term. I looked between my legs. Having never examined any other males since we used to run around naked in nursery I couldn't know how I compared, but maybe I'd soon find out.
I dressed carefully, clean socks, newly pressed trousers, newly ironed shirt. I carried my Dr Marten shoes downstairs and gave them a proper spit polish with parade gloss, they came up like glass, as shoes should.
.... There is more of this story ...