"Hello, Mom? This is Danny."
"Good morning, Danny. How are you?"
"I'm fine, Mom. I have some news."
"What's the news?"
"I was picked up by the Confederacy! I'm in space right now, orbiting Earth," I knew she would be pleased and happy for me.
"Danny, are you drunk? Have you been doing drugs?" If Mom believed me I knew she would be pleased and happy for me. I noted the concern in her voice.
"No, I'm sober and I did get picked up. I'm not joking. Honest." I wondered if I sounded drunk to her. Maybe it was my excited tone of voice. I am not known to get excited about anything.
"I find that hard to believe, dear. I mean from what I've read, the Confederacy doesn't take just anyone that wants to go and you're not exactly the smartest or most ambitious young man I know. Wait a minute. Did someone take you as a concubine? No, that's not likely either. I mean I love you dearly and all that, but facts are facts. Please don't take offense." It sounded like I had to convince her.
"I won't take offense, Mom. I find it hard to believe, too. It seems like a dream."
"Perhaps it is, Danny. Would you like to tell me all about it? I figure as long as you're on the telephone with me you aren't going to do anything to harm yourself."
"Okay, Mom." Perhaps I should have waited to call home until after the Confederacy contacted my family. I began to gather my thoughts.
I guess you have figured out that my dear mother does not have a lot of confidence in me. It's my own fault. I'm a slacker and I've been that way all my life. Despite the efforts of my parents and teachers to encourage and inspire me, I've always preferred to just skate by with the minimum of effort. My high school grades were good enough to get into college, but I still didn't exert myself when I started classes. I carry a consistent C average. I used the announcement about the impending Sa'arm invasion to justify my attitude. I mean why plan for the future? In a decade or so, we were all going to be an entrée on a lizard man's dinner plate. Of course, I took the CAP test like just about everyone else. Close, but no cigar.
College is where I met Kelly Greene. Kelly is the polar opposite of me, a computer science major with a straight A grade average. She is charming and intelligent as well as beautiful. Her family is supposed to have a shitload of money. She is tall with shapely legs that seem to go on forever, and a pair of luscious tits that stick out to next year. I was assigned by chance to be her lab partner in a required basic chemistry lab. Several other students have approached me during the semester because they wanted to trade with me and be Kelly's partner. Kelly was all for it. I didn't mind trading partners either because, even though she is sexy and all that, the girl is a real taskmaster. I mean she expects me to work as hard as her. Can you beat that? Anyway, nobody else wanted me to be his or her lab partner so Kelly said she figured I was her "cross to bear" this term. That's why I didn't expect her to say what she said this one day after class.
Kelly asked me to wait while she cleaned up our lab space because she had something important to discuss with me. I told her, "No problem." I figured she was going to bitch at me again for me not carrying my share of the workload. I would listen, smile, and promise to try harder. Anyway, the girl led me to an empty classroom and closed the door. I waited for her to say something. She seemed kind of nervous.
"I'm going to ask you a question that might seem kind of strange, but I don't want you to freak out. Okay?" I shrugged my shoulders.
"Ask away." At least this was something different.
"Will you marry me?" she asked.
My witty reply was "Huh?" I heard well enough the first time, but that's my usual response to an unexpected question.
"I said, will you marry me?" Okay I thought. This has to be a joke, but I didn't have anything better to do so I figured I would play along.
"Oh, okay. When?"
"As soon as possible."
"Is after lunch good?"
"I'm not joking, Danny. Are you sure?" Kelly sure looked and sounded serious, but I was still waiting for the punch line.
"You're crazy. We barely know each other. Out of the blue, I propose to you and all you have to say is okay? Don't you have the slightest curiosity about why I asked?"
"I just figured it was because of my great looks, charm, and personality. You couldn't help falling in love with me, right?"
Kelly finally smiled. "Uh, no. That's not it at all."
"Then I sense an ulterior motive. Is this perhaps a sorority pledge stunt? Are you pregnant?"
"Hazing is a thing of the past at this school and I'm not pregnant. It's my father."
"Your father wants you to marry me? I don't believe I've ever met the gentleman."
"You haven't met him. He wants me to marry someone else, and I don't want to marry the man he wants me to marry."
"The man is a real loser, huh?"
"Actually he's rich, handsome, charming, and crazy in love with me."
"There's nothing wrong with that," I responded. "What's the matter with him?"
"The matter is that he's black. I can't stand black men."
"That's kind of racist, Kelly." I think my voice had the right tone of disapproval in it.
"I can't help how I feel." She had the grace to act ashamed about it, but I was not going to let her off easy.
"You do realize you're black, too. Don't you?"
"Heh! Yeah, I figured that out a long time ago. I was exaggerating, okay? I like black men just fine, but I'm not interested in being a black man's girlfriend, and certainly not his wife. I go for white men as long as they're tall blue eyed blonds and very handsome."
"Oh." I have brown hair, brown eyes, and I'm average in height and looks. I knew I was being used like a tool, but that didn't bother me much.
"What happens when you tell your family about us?" I asked.
"I expect all hell will break loose," Kelly said. "Daddy doesn't take kindly to being defied. Momma is a black racist so she will take an instant hatred of you. They'll threaten to disown me. I'm counting on Maynard, the man Daddy wants me to marry, to lose interest in me since I've been defiled and sullied by a white man. He's almost as militant as Momma."
"Wouldn't it be easier if you told them we're married without getting married?"
"That won't work," Kelly responded. "My daddy is very thorough. He'll have you checked out by a detective and he'll want to see proof that we're legally married."
"Checking me out should take about five minutes. Couldn't you just tell Maynard thanks, but no thanks?"
"My parents expect me to be an obedient daughter, and they've just about worn down my resistance. I'm supposed to visit them next week, and this is a desperation move. I have a sneaky feeling they'll have Maynard there so he can propose to me right in front of them."
"What happens after that, assuming everything goes like you hope it will?"
"Assuming everything goes like I hope it will, we'll get a quick and quiet divorce. I'll reconcile with my parents and we'll go on with our separate lives."
"And what do I get out of it?" The girl shrugged her shoulders and lowered her eyes.
"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"
"Well, if I'm going to be accused of defiling and sullying you I want the opportunity to defile and sully you." Kelly giggled at my statement. She seemed relieved.
"I think that can be arranged. But you'll have to wear a condom. I'm not on any sort of birth control."
"I can do that." The girls I had had sex with before were all on birth control, but they insisted on condoms because they didn't want to get a dose of the clap or anything like that. I didn't want to father children anyway. I didn't want any child of mine to be eaten by a creature from outer space.
"We'll have to wait until after the marriage ceremony though. I'll have flight and hotel reservations for Las Vegas for Friday after classes. We'll get married that evening and have all weekend to get acquainted."
"I'm looking forward to it." Kelly kissed me then. Ay! Ay! Ay! It was a real scorcher. I was in love.
"Me too," she said when she ended the kiss.
"I'm going to be sad when we get divorced."
"You're sweet, Danny," Kelly said. "I wish you were more my type."
I decided I was already sad. This was Wednesday, so there were still two days until we flew to Las Vegas and tied the knot. Kelly told me when and where to meet her, and to please keep her plans all under my hat. I promised I would do that. I gave her my vital statistics so she could file an online application. She was surprised my legal name was Danny instead of Daniel. I had a teacher in the eighth grade that kept calling me Daniel even after I showed him a copy of my birth certificate.
I am not quite as dumb as people think I am. Once I was alone, I got to thinking about the one question I wanted to ask Kelly, but didn't. Maybe I was afraid of the answer if the girl was honest with me. I mean, why did she choose me to marry her if I wasn't her type? Why couldn't she marry one of her preferred blond bimbos? The answer was obvious. I was expendable if anything went wrong. I was to be Kelly's fool, her patsy, the scapegoat, chump, dupe, sucker, the fall guy. I think you get the idea. Man, I was hot under the collar. I was going to call the scheming bitch and tell her to forget it. I had better things to do.
.... There is more of this story ...