Boom!!! Boom!!! Boom!!!
"Under attack" flashed through my mind. Where am I? What's happening? My awareness is hazy, yet my body flows with adrenaline. Slowly, I realize I'm not experiencing the war movie we watched last night, but the most intense thunderstorm of my life. I am shaking like a leaf and can't stop.
"Tommy ... I need my Tommy" is all I can think about, as I'm drawn from my deep sleep. I run, as fast as my little feet can carry me, into his room.
"Tommy ... Please" is all I need to say.
"Hop in LT" he calmly says.
"Hold me tight," I beg, needing his help to stop my shaking.
I nuzzle my back into him. His arm closes in around my waist, as he draws me closer. This is the safety belt I need. Though lightening and thunder seem almost simultaneous, triggering gasps and contractions in me, my shaking slowly subsides.
Let me take some time, here, to tell you about Tommy and me. Our parents are very loving, caring people. They both work long hours, yet Tommy has always been there for me. He has been my guide, my protector, my source of comfort. He turned 16 a few months back, while I just had my 14th birthday.
Though everyone calls him Tom, I've always called him Tommy. Originally, he thought I used that name just because that's the way little kids talk, but I informed him the truth was I felt so close to him I couldn't separate him from me, so I would always say Tom-Me. He's called me LT as far back as I can remember. Once I asked him the reason he doesn't call me Lynn, like everyone else, as my name is Lynn Turner. He whispered in my ear, "Because you've always been my Little Treasure." I didn't think I could ever feel closer to him, but I did, from that moment on.
I always thought of Tommy as big and strong, though, compared to other boys his age, he is probably on the slender side. Everyone in our family is on the slender side, though I've always viewed myself as skinny. I always thought Tommy could do things I couldn't, due to his being big and strong. He taught me this wasn't true. He taught me strength comes from our head, not from our muscles. He taught me how to be observant and discover the most effective and efficient solutions to any challenge. He opened my eyes, allowing me to discover so many wonderful things all around me. This is the reason I see him as my guide.
He has also helped me to see myself more realistically. Yes, I've attended the sex education classes offered at school, but I've always just seen myself as this skinny, shapeless being. I knew I was a girl, but I never associated that with sex. As girls started getting attention when they developed breasts, I asked him if I would ever have breasts. He reassured me all women in our family have small breasts, so rather than be weighted down by big boobs that will eventually sag to my waist and cause me back pain, I'd have beautiful, small mounds proudly displayed on my chest. He told me, in his eyes, no one would ever be prettier than me. Though I felt as feminine as a rag doll, he gave me hope. He's never lied to me, so how could I not trust him?
I see him as my protector, as he has always been there to open my eyes to potential obstacles. Though I can't say he has kept me from having any bumps or bruises, he has protected me from any significant damage. At school, he has discouraged bullies from picking on me. At home, he stands up and accepts responsibility when our parents get upset and accuse me of doing something he did. He has also helped me to stand up and accept responsibility for my actions, teaching me I'll be stronger by accepting responsibility than by denying it.
I can't even begin to list all the times he has been my comfort, from kissing my booboos to giving me a shoulder to cry on. Whenever I need a hug, he is there for me. He gently touches me when I need to be soothed. He educates me when I am afraid, causing my fears to melt away. He is my lightening rod that dissipates all stress and anxiety from my being.
Lying in Tommy's arms is so familiar and comforting. I can't say how many times I've found myself there. His strength and warmth reassure me all will be fine. I have no doubts when I am with him.
I become aware something is different, this time. As my final little shudders fade away, I become aware of something growing larger and harder between my butt cheeks.
Nudity has never been an issue in our family. It's not that anyone parades around in the nude, but no one has ever overreacted when they were accidentally walked in on, while in a state of undress. I remember my sex education teacher explaining how the man's penis gets erect when he is aroused, but I've never seen an erect penis and never thought of Tommy getting aroused. I've known it was normal, but just never thought about it. I move my butt, a little, to explore the new experience. Tommy nuzzles my neck and gives me a little kiss. He is so gentle and loving.
A new sensation starts flowing through me. I'm not really sure how to describe it. Just by being unknown, there is a scary aspect to it, yet I don't feel scared. I feel energy growing inside of me. I sense a tingling emanating from my skin, primarily between my legs and at my breasts. I savor the sensation, lost in the moment. A door has opened; do I dare explore? With no one other than Tommy would I feel safe to explore what is happening to me.
Slowly, I turn over to face Tommy. I look deep into his eyes. I become aware of a change in our breathing, deeper and more urgent. I raise my hand and touch his cheek. It is so hot, yet I know he isn't sick. I silently and gently explore his face with my hand and fingers. Though his face is engraved in my memory, I realize I've never actually seen him, before. Can my hands truly see more clearly than my eyes? Time seems to be standing still, as I see my beloved brother for the first time.
I become aware of the fact I am wearing a cotton nightgown, while Tommy is just wearing his boxers. How unfair it seems to me. I raise my nightgown over my head and toss it on the floor. I lie facing him in just my panties. We share a knowing smile. I put my arms around him and draw our bodies close together. I've seen him in swim trunks when we've gone swimming together, but never before have I experienced this electrical charge flowing between us. This feels so right, yet so intense. I run my hands up and down his back, as if I'm seeing him for the first time. He gives me a tender little kiss on my nose, then upon my forehead, and then I sense his lips barely touching my lips. His touch is like a feather, yet I feel a connection like never before.
"Please let me see you," I ask. Tommy rolls onto his back, and I lower the blanket to his waist. We are both exposed from the waist up. I know I'm not a woman, yet, and can't say I'm much to look at, but my budding breasts have recently stopped being tender to the touch, and I know Tommy thinks I'm pretty. I raise myself up on one arm, and my hair flows over my protruding nipples, leading me to experience a new, yet nice, sensation.
I start at his hair, and patiently discover Tommy for the first time. Just as he taught me to discover and appreciate nature, using all of my senses, I am discovering and appreciating all aspects of Tommy. I feel his hair on my face and hands. I smell its clean scent and experience its silky smoothness. I become aware of how it feels to my cheeks, my chin, my lips and my tongue. I view my surroundings through the veil of his hair and feel safe in my nest.
His face is next, as I discover all the endless ways of experiencing my Tommy. I can't believe how I see a new dimension just by exploring with the back of my hand rather than my palm. I put my cheek on his and feel our warm softness blend together, molding into each other and becoming one. I find I enjoy exploring with my lips more than anything else. They are so sensitive and pick up subtle differences. I truly see his eyes, as I've never seen them before. His ears have so many interesting paths, like the slides at the waterslide park. I explore where his hair meets his face, experiencing all the variations along the entire border. I slide my nose up one side of his and then down the other. I sense I'm skiing down a powdery slope. Never before have I even thought of kissing anyone, yet it seems so natural for our lips to caress each other. I place his lower lip between mine and then glide from one side to the other. I taste his lips and explore the changes in texture from the dry, smooth peach fuzz on his chin to the light crinkly texture of his lips to the moist silky smoothness as they transition into his mouth. How could I have been so unaware of so much for so long? I feel like someone who was born blind and was just given sight.
.... There is more of this story ...