It's funny how life turns out. I mean, very few of our lives turns out the way we'd planned. For instance, when I was growing up, I always wanted to be a fireman. I know, isn't that what most boys think about being at least once while they are growing up? But for me, it was different. I really wanted to be a fireman. Now here I am a truck driver! Now I don't want you to feel bad for me. I love being a truck driver. It's just that it's a far cry from being a fireman.
Talking with the various people I have met, I have come to realize that very few people actually grow up to be what they thought they would be. Someone once said, "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." There's even a song about that, which shows just how much some people think about this. Who knows? I think my story might fall into that category.
Well, what I want to do is tell you what happened to me. Not that I think my life is so interesting that it should be made into a movie or anything like that. It's just that maybe if someone heard what happened to me, they might not make the same mistake.
I guess the best place to begin is at the beginning. When I was young, I lived at the edge of a suburban development. It was a great place to grow up. We had neighbors close by, yet there were woods directly behind the house to play in. One of the best things about living there was our next door neighbors. They were Irish, and their parents and mine were great friends. So much so, that we were almost always at each other's house.
They had a nine year old girl named Cathleen, who was the same age as my older brother. There was a girl named Erwin, who was the same age as me, and they also had a two year old boy named Billy, who was the same age as my little sister. We all got along so famously that our parents often joked how our two families were going to end up being intermarried three times!
Everyone laughed whenever someone mentioned it. Even the two year olds laughed, though they had no idea what it was they were laughing about. With Erwin and me, it was different. We were only five at the time, but we already loved each other. Of course, neither of us knew what love really meant, but there wasn't anyone whom I'd rather have been with.
Erwin and I were inseparable. We did everything together. We played together both inside and outdoors. Oh, my older brother and Cathleen were often together, too. But they also played separately with their other friends. Not Erwin and me. Sometimes, we actually avoided our other friends just so we could play together alone.
Now I know that some people would say, "Oh, that's so cute! Look at the little childhood crush they have on each other!"
It was much more than that. Even now, as an adult, I know that it was much more than that! Whenever we played "house", it was more than just a game. To us, it was more like practice, and even as a boy, playing house with Erwin was my favorite thing to do next to playing "army" in the woods. She was always there playing that with me, too!
Then one day, Erwin and I were in the woods playing, and she wanted to tell me a secret. She didn't have to tell me not to repeat it to anyone. We had lots of secrets between us, and we trusted each other completely. She told me that she saw two older kids naked in the woods.
I was stunned. I never thought about anything like that before. She then surprised me further by asking me if I wanted to show each other our bottoms! I remember looking at her and thought that it could be fun, so I agreed. I'd never seen a naked girl before, not even my two year old sister, and I was enthralled when I saw Erwin strip off her shorts and panties.
I did the same and was thrilled with the way that she looked at me. I think it was then, that I decided that I wanted to be with her forever. I realize now, that it was the special shared intimacy that made me feel that way. Afterwards, showing each other our "bottoms" became a regular part of our play whenever we were alone for a couple of years. We never thought of touching each other, but it was fun; it was our secret fun.
One day, after she turned eight, I asked her if she wanted to "show bottoms", and she got angry at me and told me it was nasty. I never did figure out why she suddenly thought it was nasty, much less, why she was angry at me for asking her. Although I thought it was fun, I didn't think it was such a big loss, and the whole "showing bottoms" stuff was quickly forgotten.
I was nine when my heart first got broken. My parents were getting divorced, and we were moving away. Of course, it hurt to know that my mother and father didn't love each other anymore. That was bad enough, but what was almost as bad was the fact that I was losing my special friend. Erwin and I would no longer be able to play together--or even see each other!
Now I'm not going to bore you with the details of my parents divorce, or the problems I had growing up through my teen years. Suffice it to say that I never got over losing Erwin. I was too young to write her letters and hadn't thought of getting her phone number before we left. By the time I was in my late teens, she had been out of my life too long, and I had no way of getting back in touch with her anyway.
It didn't stop me from thinking about her, though. I often wondered what she was doing, how well she was doing in school, if she ever thought about me--and if she had a boy friend. I often thought about the times we played together, too. I also thought about when we were naked together, and spent a good portion of my horny teen years fantasizing about her.
Once I turned seventeen, I began to think of her less and less. Still, there was no part of my life when I didn't think of her at all. I still fantasized about her from time to time, but mostly, I just wistfully thought of what it would have been like if we'd never moved away.
Now I know we all have those "what if" moments. You know, where we all think, "What if I had done it this way," or, "What if I had said that when I needed to." For me, when it came to my thoughts of Erwin, it was a lot more than just, "what if"! For me, it was almost a craving to know what it would be like if I had never lost contact with her.
Well, as they say, "Life goes on," and so it did for me, also. I fell in love when I was nineteen to a sweet young thing and married her only months later. We were both too young and immature for such a serious step. Everyone told us so, but you know how it is at that age. Back then, I knew everything and we were going to prove everyone wrong!
Of course, everyone was right. Two years later, we were divorced. It was the right thing to do. We were just lucky enough not to have any children. Naturally, after being with someone for two years, I felt extremely lonely. I didn't miss her though. Whenever I thought of her, I thought of all the fighting and problems that we had. It was just that I felt this huge emptiness, and I thought of Erwin--and what if?
Being lonely and feeling empty like that left me open to quickly fall in love again. I realize now that I was just reaching, reaching for someone to fill the emptiness in my life. My first wife was simply too young. My second wife was simply a floozy. Now, she certainly satisfied my sexual needs, but she also satisfied the sexual needs of most of my friends and neighbors as well!
At first, I pretended not to know. Then there were the times when she came home all disheveled, and she actually smelled of sex! I couldn't pretend to be blinded any longer, but fearing to be alone again, I tried to ignore it. I mean, there are many people out there in an open relationship, and it seems to work for them.
Once I tried to embrace her promiscuous behavior, she became much worse. She began to actually flaunt her promiscuity! She liked having sex with me right after she'd been with someone else. I tried; I really did, but after I found out that she was banging both my boss and my best friend, I had to put an end to it. I mean, how could I go to work knowing that my boss was having his way with her? And I certainly couldn't hang out with my friend and have a good time knowing that he'd been sleeping with my wife!
After I got divorced, I went on the road driving trucks. I figured that since I liked being outdoors and watching the changing seasons, it would be a good occupation for me. I liked going to different places and constantly meeting new people, too. It also got me away from everything at home.
I admit, I spent money on prostitutes while on the road. I figured, 'What the hey? It's not like anyone would recognize me.' After all, it was my money to spend. I mean, it wasn't like there was anyone depending on me bringing home a paycheck anymore. Besides, hookers were a lot easier and a surer thing than trying to meet someone at a bar for a one night stand.
Well, that phase lasted about a year. I always used protection, but I think I'm still lucky that I didn't catch anything beyond a case of the crabs. What ended the phase was that I realized how much money I was blowing paying for sex! I don't even want to think about how much money I'd spent on hookers during that period of my life!
Next came Caroline. She was a woman I met delivering loads to her company in Cincinnati. She was pretty; she was sexy; and she was a good cook. Unfortunately, after we were married, I found out that she was also a selfish, demanding bitch. No matter what I did, or how hard I tried, it simply wasn't good enough for her! It got so bad, that I ended up dreading going home.
.... There is more of this story ...