Renae slammed the bedroom door and kicked her stilettos toward the closet. She ripped at the black lace garter and stockings, tearing them off in frustration and throwing them into the trash. The little black mini dress got balled up and thrown on the floor. She stomped into the bathroom and started the shower. As the steam filled up the master bath, she sat down on the toilet seat and let the tears come. The love of her life, her soul mate and partner simply did not want her, no matter how hard she tried. Stepping in front of the full length mirror, Renae took off her black lace push up bra and used it to wipe away the fog that was already clouding her reflection.
Her breasts were still full and firm. Admittedly, they were a little lower than they were the first time Anne had taken her, up against the wall in the bathroom of Catch-22, the now defunct lesbian dance club. It was six years ago today, in fact. Halloween. Anne had been pursuing her for weeks, but Renae had held off. She was fresh out of another relationship, and she was dead set against getting involved in another one. Anne was gorgeous and charming. She was older than Renae and wiser. She had a compassionate and kind air about her that overlaid a simmering sensuality that seemed to thrum under her skin. Intrigued and anxious, Renae did her best to keep Anne at arm's length, claiming that they were better off as friends, but every time Anne's hand slid over Renae's neck as they were hugging hello, the tremors would start in her toes and shudder through her body like lightening.
Finally, Renae agreed to a date. They decided to go as a couple to a mutual friend's giant Halloween party at the club. Renae wanted them to dress as something sexy, but Anne wanted to be playful and funny. They ended up dressing as ketchup and mustard, with Renae wearing a red mini dress and red tights, with a big K on the front and Anne wearing a bright yellow t-shirt with an M, and jeans. They had pointy hats to match their costumes and they won second place in the contest and everyone laughed and wanted to try on their hats. Anne was charming and funny and Renae found herself laughing more than she could remember laughing in years. When the contest ended, Renae somehow found herself in the club bathroom, backed up against the wall, with her ketchup dress around her waist and Anne's mouth locked on hers, as Anne reached down and slid her fingers inside of Renae, getting them wet before moving them up to her clit and circling it until Renae came hard, her teeth locked into Anne's neck to keep from screaming. It was a hell of a first date.
Renae shook herself out of the past. There was no sense dwelling on a part of her life that was obviously over. She let her eyes slide down her naked body. She wasn't bad looking, even now as she rounded the corner to forty. Her hips were full, she was a little rounded at the belly. But she had looked like this when she and Anne met and Anne had always wanted her then. The mirror was fogging up again, so Renae shook her head and jumped in the shower. She reached down with her fingers as she let the hot water run over her head. If Anne wasn't going to give her any, at least she could give it to herself. She stroked her clit softly, then harder. It got hard under her fingers and she reached out one hand to brace herself against the wall as she quietly made herself come. She felt released, but sad. Masturbation can be fun, but masturbating because you can't get your partner to make love with you is a lonely business.
It wasn't as if their sex life died all at once, either. They made love constantly in the beginning. Anne would sneak up on Renae while she was making dinner and kneel on the ground behind her, running her tongue up the length of Renae's thighs, searching between her legs. Renae would go weak at the knees and drop, allowing Anne full access. Sometimes Renae would lay her head on Anne's lap in the car, biting and pulling on Anne's jeans with her teeth, then pressing one hand hard against Anne's pussy, rubbing it through her jeans, trying to make her come as Anne tried to hold back. Their sex life was varied and good. Renae spent many hours in a state of heightened anticipation, waiting until the moment they could be together and ease their respective aches.
Renae stretched out on the bed, still thinking about the past. She loved Anne. That was undeniable. Despite their problems, she still loved her beyond all reason. Perhaps that was the biggest problem. She was in love with her and she still wanted her. Anne had somehow opened up a part of Renae that she didn't know existed. Yes, she had had sex before. She had been in relationships. But it wasn't until Anne came along that Renae truly found her own passion. She was safe with Anne, safe to express her own desires, safe to explore and discover what worked best for them both.
Renae reached down and let her fingers lightly explore her own pussy. She wasn't ready to have another orgasm, but she had an ache that didn't go away in the shower. Somehow, Anne had drifted from their relationship and she just wasn't interested in sex anymore. Renae had pondered the possibility that Anne was having an affair, but she knew that wasn't the problem. Anne was loyal to Renae and had been from the start. It wasn't about another woman. It was about not wanting Renae. And perhaps that was even worse, because there was no outside force on which to place the blame. For her part, Renae still found Anne ridiculously attractive. She was shorter than Renae and slight. She was a bundle of energy who moved around Renae in a swirl of nurturing. Renae loved her short, white hair and her easy smile. The laugh lines around her eyes were beautiful and Renae would often kiss around Anne's eyes before moving to her mouth. Anne loved to camped and would often take Renae out to her cabin in the woods, where Renae would sit on a log throwing tennis balls for the dogs and watching Anne set up their camp. She would chop wood, build a fire, clean out the cabin, and make a fire pit stew. Often, Anne went to the woods alone, to have her own space and to recharge her batteries. In the beginning, she would sweep into the house as soon as she got home, tossing Renae down on the nearest surface and kissing her urgently. As time went by, those urgent kisses became more perfunctory and the frantic couplings on the floor, the couch, and the counter stopped altogether.
Renae left off touching herself and rolled over onto her side. She looked at the closed bedroom door and wondered if Anne was going to come to bed tonight. This had been their biggest fight yet. Renae had dressed carefully for the big Halloween party, a party that she considered their anniversary party as well. She wanted to look sexy for Anne; she wanted to find a way to grab her attention again. As she applied her makeup and did her hair, she thought about the night ahead. She had plans to flirt with her own lover again. She was going to be witty and brilliant and they were going to fall in love with each other all over again. Renae had a plan and she intended to carry it out.
Of course, she hadn't counted on Anne not even wanting to go to the party. She hadn't dressed; she didn't want to go. She told Renae that she had a migraine and to go without her, and Renae, just pissed off enough to do so, went. She danced with a number of women and ended up making out with a big leather dyke in the bathroom. The stranger cupped Renae's breasts with her hands as they kissed deeply. One hand slid into Renae's low cut dress and the fingers found Renae's nipple. She squeezed and pulled at it until Renae was trembling. As her hands started to slide down Renae's body, Anne's face suddenly came into Renae's head and she pulled herself from the stranger with a hard sigh. This woman was hot and Renae could feel the explosion waiting to happen, but she owed it to Anne to either break up with her or make it work. Having sex with a random stranger was not going to help anything.
"I'm sorry. I can't," she had said. "I'm married."
The big butch had shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me."
Renae had sighed sadly. "It does to me."
Renae came back to the present, turning over to look at the clock. Halloween was over now anyway. So much for their anniversary.
The bed seemed far too big for one person. Renae wondered if she had killed things with Anne. They had been good together for several years. Anne was always respectful and loving. Even when Renae was bitchy or moody, Anne treated her with care and respect. In the past year, as they had started thinking about and working toward having a baby, Anne had gotten even more protective of Renae. And now Renae had attacked her. Coming home from the club, slightly drunk and extremely frustrated, she had stalked in the door and let loose on Anne, screaming at her about their horrible sex life and everything else that Anne had done wrong in the past six years. Renae was out of control, hearing herself and unable to stop. Anne, her love, her life, her soul, had sat there stunned into silence with tears dripping down her face. At the end of Renae's tirade, Anne had simply looked up at her and quietly said, "I love you. I'm in love with you. You are my heart, Renae. I'm sorry to have disappointed you so badly."
Renae had turned on her heels and stalked out of the room, which is why she was naked in her own bed, wondering how the hell things got to this point. God, but she still loved Anne so much. Despite the lack of sex, they had a fantastic relationship. Anne knew just how to take care of Renae, balancing perfectly between allowing her to be independent and completely nurturing her. It was unlike anything Renae had ever experienced. So maybe sex wasn't the most important thing in a relationship. Maybe she should consider herself lucky to be with someone who treated her so respectfully. She started as she heard her message notification. Picking up the cell phone, she squinted at the screen. She sighed and fished for her glasses on the bedside table. It was a text from Anne.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It isn't you. I still want you. I'm just so overwhelmed by all of this work and the pressure to make enough money that we can go through with our baby plans.
Renae texted back. I guess I have been pressuring you. I'm forty. If we don't do it this year, it's pretty much too late.
She waited. A few moments later, another text. I know. And I want what you want.
Renae wrote: We don't have to have a baby. If we thought about adoption, we could wait a couple of years and make sure we are really ready.
Are you really willing to do that?
I'm willing to open a dialogue about it if it means you could work fewer hours.
Renae flipped over on her side, holding the phone. She looked at the bedroom door and waiting for a response. It came within seconds. I love you, Renae. More than my own life. You have opened me in ways that I never thought possible.
Renae blinked back tears. I feel the same way. You've changed my life.
Anne immediately wrote back. Still think you're sexy, you know.
Renae responded. Yeah, right.
No, I do. I'm an asshole for not going with you to that party.
Renae shook her head. Though she had technically been calling Anne an asshole in her head all night, she didn't necessarily want Anne to call herself one. You're not an asshole. Not a complete asshole.
I am a complete asshole. If I had gone to that party with you, I could have danced with you all night.
I danced with plenty of women.
I'm sure you did. They got to be where I should have been ... pressed close against you, running their hands over your neck and back.
Renae caught her breath. If you had been there, you might have put your mouth against my neck while we were dancing.
I might have. I might have breathed on your neck, then slowly slid my tongue out to lick it a little.
Or sucked on it just a bit?
Maybe a lot. I would have moved up your jawline, sucking and nibbling on your skin.
Renae flipped over in bed, and put her fingers on her clit again. She texted back with one hand. Would have curled my fingers into your hair.
I would have sunk my teeth into you, while my hands moved to your hips, pulling you hard against me.
Renae moaned, pressing down harder on her clit. She reached her fingers down and pressed them inside, imagining Anne's fingers exploring her. I would have found your mouth with mine and sucked your bottom lip with both of mine, biting down until you groan.
Anne wrote back quickly. I would tell you that we had to leave. I would rush you to the car and slide in beside you.
Renae laughed. The difference between six years ago and now was that it was the car instead of the public bathroom, but she would take it. I would lean over and bite on your lip again, this time moving my hand to your breast and squeezing your nipple through your shirt.
Renae brought her hand back up to her face and ran one finger across her lips. She imagined Anne's mouth covering hers. She waited for a text back. Finally Anne responded. I would pull you onto my lap and bury my face against your breasts, pushing aside the fabric of your dress with my face, trying to free one of your nipples.
Renae groaned, slipping her fingers further into herself. She held the phone against her chest for a moment, wanting to respond, but lost in the feel of her wet pussy. The phone rang.
"Are you touching yourself, Renae?"
Anne sighed. "Are you wet for me?"