Hi folks, as promised this is a shorty. I'd like to thank Mikothe baby for her editing prowess as usual.SS06
"I step off the train. I'm walkin' down your street again and past your door but you don't live there anymore." "It's years since you've been there. And now you've disappeared somewhere." "Like outer space you've found some better place."
"And I miss you. Like the deserts miss the rain."
God, I hate that fucking song but it won't stop playing through my mind over and over again. Maybe it's because it's the theme song to my life. It tells in minute detail how I screwed up what could have been perfect. And the sadness of the music behind it describes, in a way, my regret. Yeah sure, that peppy little dance track behind the vocals and guitar does sound kind of happy, but you have to really listen to understand just how fucking hopeless the whole thing is.
My name is Jenna Sampson. I'm tall and slender. I have the kind of figure that looks good in a bikini. I have long thin legs and long fluffy blond hair. I'm a waitress at a midscale restaurant downtown. I also live downtown so I'm close to the job.
I have to take two subway trains to get here. This used to be the area where I went to college a few years ago so I know it well. It's changed lately though. More and more of these old houses are being bought by YUPPIES and restored. Some of them are beautiful, and even better than they were before. Others, I could do without.
There's one house in particular that I make the long trip out here to see. I once spent a lot of time there. So far it hasn't been redone and I'm kind of hoping it won't be. Seeing that house redone by some upwardly mobile couple would break the links to the most wonderful time in my memory.
It was five years ago. I was only twenty years old and in my second year of college. I was still in that awkward, gawky stage. I was taller than most of the men and boys in most of my classes and that intimidated a lot of them. I had huge glasses and long lifeless hair. I still hadn't shed the braces over my teeth yet either. And I dressed like a cross between a Goth and the carefree Bohemians of the seventies. In other words, even the guys in prison wouldn't screw me.
College is different from high school, but only on the surface. There are still cliques of popular kids and outsiders. I was definitely on the outside. I was that nerdy looking girl who walked quickly from one class to the next with her head down and her arms full of books.
Along came Daniel Benson and my life changed forever. Meeting Dan was like getting struck by lightning. I was heading for my dorm after leaving the library and I guess neither one of us was paying attention to where we were going. We crashed into each other and my term paper went flying all over everywhere.
He helped me gather the pages that I'd so carefully hand written and get them back into order but they were all wet and ruined. I almost started crying. He was very apologetic even though, technically, we were both at fault. He invited me over to his house to redo the paper. He had a nice computer and a printer and told me we could have the paper redone in a couple of hours.
"We could also do it tomorrow, if you have a date or something," he said.
"Tonight is okay," I said. We bonded over doing my paper and I had my first ever beer. As we'd read through the paper and started to re-type it, Danny pointed out lots of things that were wrong with my paper. He improved my sentence structure, my use of punctuation and my word choices. He also pointed out several flawed or downright incorrect conclusions. In short, he made my paper much better than it had been.
That night was only the first of many we would spend together. When the school year ended, I decided to stay in town and I spent a lot of that time in Danny's townhouse. The house he lived in had belonged to a maternal aunt of his. Part of the reason he'd picked our university was the fact the aunt had left him the house when she died and living there would cut his expenses.
Over the course of a year or so, Danny and I fell in love. I never actually moved in with him. Technically and for my parent's sake, I still lived in the dorms, but I spent the majority of my time including most of the nights in Danny's townhouse. I loved him so much that I wanted to do anything I could to please him. And Danny was the first man to ever tell me that he loved me.
The first time he said it, my smile lasted for days. I just knew we'd be together forever. My introduction to the ways of the flesh was an event. Even after I told him I was ready, Danny took his time. He asked me several times if I was sure. He told me that it was a very special gift and it was one that I could only give once.
Even when I assured him that he WAS the one, he planned it out. We went out to see a show that I'd been dying to see and then had dinner in a restaurant that neither of us could afford. When we got home or back to his house, he fumbled getting the door open. His key wouldn't fit. He left me standing there on the long veranda porch that we'd spent so many nights on and he went around the back. I never did figure out until years later that he hadn't actually fumbled at all. I heard someone running around in the house and a few moments later Danny came back to me. He pushed his key smoothly into the lock and the door opened like it was new.
When we got inside, he asked me if I was ready. I was about to burst from lust for him and just a little afraid, but I nodded my head. I wanted him badly and I knew that he'd never hurt me.
We went into the bedroom and I almost cried. There were flower petals all over the floor and a path made of them that led to the bed. There were hundreds of lit scented candles all over the room.
It was the most romantic thing I'd ever seen and I have still never seen anything to equal it, to this day. He spent a lot of time and imagination trying to make my first time special and it really was. Sex between Danny and I was always wonderful. It was never hurried and he always spent a lot of time making sure that I enjoyed it. I just couldn't believe that he saw something that special in me. No one else seemed to.
When my braces came off, he praised my smile. That made me want to impress him even more with the way I looked.
Danny was the first man to ever say anything positive about the way I looked. He thought I was beautiful and told me often. My giant glasses gave way to contacts. A friend took me to a salon to get my hair done for the first time in my adult life and suddenly I was pretty.
I had lots of guys take notice of me that whole summer which built up my confidence. When we returned to classes in the fall, I dressed better and I guess I acted differently. I went from geek to chic over the course of a summer. Suddenly, everyone wanted to invite me to go to parties and everywhere else.
I guess I let the sudden rush of popularity go to my head. I started spending less and less time with Danny. Those wonderful days of fun filled frolics on the beach gave way to nights in clubs with the popular girls and boys. Danny couldn't make time for things like that because he had to study. And he probably wouldn't have fit in anyway. Most of my new friends were wealthy or at least their parents were.
The girls dressed in clothing I could never afford. The guys always acted like everything they saw should belong to them. There were a few who wanted to spend time away from the crowd with me and I did a few times. I figured that it couldn't hurt anything. It wasn't like I was dating someone else, we were just hanging out. Everyone in the school knew that Danny and I were an item. Danny would be glad for me to be happy even if he was busy studying or working.
As time went on, I did more and more of those little get-togethers and spent even more time away from Danny. I'd also started drinking more. After one of those parties, I woke up in someone else's bed with a headache that wouldn't quit. I could tell that someone had sex with me but I didn't remember it.
After that, things changed. The stories went around throughout my new friends that I was available. The next time that I had sex with one of them, I remembered it well. It was awful. Not only did I feel guilty because I'd betrayed Danny but because the guy, Chris Menzies, treated me like a whore. He just pushed me down on the bed, pulled up my skirt and fucked me. He wouldn't take no for an answer and when I told him to stop, he just laughed.
"I'm bored," he said. "I have to do something to amuse myself. So I'll fuck the poor girl. Besides you've already done it before. After the party last week, at least three of us fucked you while you were drunk. You wouldn't want that boyfriend of yours to find out would you? Now shut up and bend over."
"You wouldn't do that would you?" I asked. "We're friends."
"Honey, I'd do it for shits and giggles," he said. "Just seeing the misery it would put you through would be funny as hell and give me something to do. Please don't tell me you're stupid enough to believe all of this bullshit."
"What bullshit?" I asked.
.... There is more of this story ...