Chapter 1

"You can forget about safe, sane, and yes, consensual too," I said.

How did I get here? It is not a long story. Soon after our marriage, Richard and I began to experiment with bondage and S&M. I always got a thrill from being bound, defenseless, but S&M, or rather the masochism part was another story. By the fourth stroke of the cane on my butt I would be screaming my safeword "Bananas" The fucking I would get afterwards was always hot, but all the time I would be cursing at myself in frustration for having stopped the punishment.

Richard loved the D&S sessions, but even he started to become tired of my stopping a session just when he was getting started. He did not say anything, of course, but his sessions became less imaginative, more routine and he stopped buying and trying new instruments. Why would he, if I would stop every session with my safeword. "Bananas" almost as soon as it started.

It wasn't the same in my fantasies of course. No; when I dreamed, even waking dreams, I was always bound, chained, at the mercy of a ruthless master, or pirate, or what have you. In jeopardy for my own life, I had to endure nameless tortures, unspeakable violations, and always, always would wake up, sheets soaked in sweat, and the musk of my own arousal redolent in my bedroom.

I tried to fantasize, to imagine me and Richard in the same setting, but it wasn't just the same. "Bananas" the safe word always hung in the balance. The difference glared: I could stop it, anytime I wanted. And I always wanted.

This brings us to the night in question. After dinner, we watched TV. Richard had a scotch; I knew what I wanted to say, but lacked the courage; I made a pitcher of cosmos, and had four of them, my limit is two. I was so anxious that, even with the four drinks under my belt, I wasn't sure I would go through with it. When he went to bed, I stumbled to the bathroom and then joined him. We did not make love that night; well, not at first.

"Richard," I said before he fell asleep, "when you tie me up and, you know, spank or whip me..."

"Huh?"

"You can forget about safe, sane, and yes, also consensual."

That got his attention. In the dim light, I saw his eyes opening wide; I also saw a different movement under the sheet that covered a certain part of his anatomy.

"But you cannot take, not even five strokes of the flogger!"

Before I lost my nerve, I told him what I needed so badly to say.

"That's why I have to get rid of my safeword. It doesn't work for me if I can stop you at any time," he looked puzzled. "I don't like pain, that is not my thing, that's why I always stop you," He nodded, confused.