It started when my cousin Tom set up a bachelor party for his brother, my cousin James. I was invited and I of course accepted and said I would be there. This did not set well with my wife Doris. Doris had an extremely low opinion of bachelor parties because of what she had seen on her side of the family.
Her brother Sam had attended one, had partaken of the offer made by the hired stripper to 'entertain' anyone with the proper amount of cash and had ended up with a case of VD which he was unable to adequately explain to his wife. Her cousin Ron had left his wife and two children and had run off with the hired entertainment at a bachelor party that he had attended. Her father had gotten drunk at a bachelor party and had wrecked his car and put himself in the hospital for a week. No indeed, Doris was not at all happy with me for accepting the invitation.
I pointed out that she had gone to a bachelorette party or two where they had male strippers come in and she said that was different.
"In what way?"
"There is no way a male stripper can do what a female stripper does at a man's bachelor party."
"Explain that to me please."
"A female stripper can take her panties off, lay back and take on every man there until they are done. So guys are more likely to take advantage of the opportunity. A male stripper at a girl's party can only go once or maybe twice so since they can't all be helped girls tend to behave themselves."
"Do you have any idea of how stupid that sounds?"
"It is a well known fact that women can control themselves and men can't."
"Do you know just how stupid THAT sounds?"
"I don't want to fight over this Frank. I don't want you going to Jim's bachelor party. Take him out to dinner or something, but I don't want you going to that party."
"What you are saying Doris is that you don't trust me. After two years of going together, two years of living together and eight years of marriage you don't know me any better than that? Well I'm going Doris and that's final."
It wasn't of course. There were still nine days to go before the party and Doris used those nine days to do whatever she could to get me not to go. Things were pretty chilly around the house as she pretty much ignored me. Her big gun of course was her control of the little furry patch between her legs. We normally made love three or four times a week, but for nine days all I heard was:
"Not tonight Frank. I'm not feeling well."
There was also the perennial favorite, "Not tonight; I've got a headache."
It was clear to me that if I did go the dry spell could continue long after the party was a memory, but I can be just as stubborn and pig headed as Doris and I was going and that was final. We lived in a state where spousal rape was not a crime and I could have just taken what I wanted, but the aftermath of that wasn't worth contemplating.
I was able to strike back all be it in a limited way. Every Friday night I always – without fail – took Doris out to dinner. Friday when I came home from work Doris was dressed and ready to go out. I went into the bedroom that I had turned into a home office/den, sat down at the desk and turned on the computer. When I didn't come down dressed for dinner Doris came looking for me. She came into the room and said:
"What are you doing? Why aren't you getting ready for dinner?"
"I'm too busy cruising the Internet looking for some good porn sites.
"You are what?"
"Looking for some good porn. I'm horny as hell since you cut me off and I'm looking for some good material that I can use to masturbate to. You can watch if you'd like."
The slamming of the door as she left pretty much told me that she wasn't interested in being a spectator.
Saturday I was up and out of the house before Doris woke up. I had a standing golf date with three friends every Saturday and our tee time was ten after six and Doris wouldn't get up until eight or so. She had a standing appointment at the beauty parlor at eleven and she would usually just be coming home as I got in from my round of golf at Red Ridge. Doris was going to miss her appointment that morning because I took her car instead of my pick up. Her car had an automatic transmission and my truck was a stick and Doris couldn't drive a stick shift. I know it doesn't sound like much in the way of fighting back, but when you are 'game playing' you have to take what you can get.
To say that Doris was pissed off when I got home would be an understatement. I ignored her and got ready to go to Jim's bachelor party. I got one last "Damn it Frank; I told you I don't want you going to that party" and I ignored her as I walked out of the house, got in my truck and headed for the party.
It was your typical bachelor party. There were seventeen guys there and I knew and liked most of them. I say most because Mel Timmonds was there and I didn't like him one little bit. He had always had the hots for Doris and he had tried several times to break us up before we got married.
There were three tables set up for poker. It was nickel, dime, quarter, dealer's choice with a three raise limit so no one was going to get hurt. Two hours into the game (which was being held in Jim's apartment) the doorbell rang and Tom answered it to find two female cops standing there. One said:
"Your neighbors are complaining about the noise. Whose place is this?"
Tom pointed to Jim and the two walked over to Jim and quick as a wink one of them slapped handcuffs on him as she said:
"You are under arrest."
The cuffs were real and not fake. One of the cops began to read Jim his rights, the "You have the right to remain silent" and all that jazz. Until that point everyone thought the girls were strippers. I could tell from the look on Tom's face that he hadn't been expecting it and a close look at their uniforms seemed to tell that they weren't fake. Everyone was starting to worry about what was happening until the one reading Jim his rights said:
"You have the right to have a hard cock when Missy gives you a lap dance" and as she said that she took a mini cassette recorder out of her pocket and stripper type music began the play as the other lady cop started peeling off her uniform. From that point on it was just the kind of bachelor party that Doris had envisioned. The two girls took on every guy there who wanted to play and a couple of times both girls were doing three at once. I'd heard of 'airtight' and I knew what it was, but I had never seen it. It was wild and I'm not going to say that I wasn't tempted.
But I didn't take it. I just watched the action and allowed myself to get all steamed up even knowing that my only outlet was going to be my right hand when I went home. I was watching Tom, Jim and Mark doing the one named Missy when Mel came up to me and said:
"You aren't going to play?"
"Nope. No way! If I did and Doris found out she would throw me out on my ear. You know, the marriage vow thing and all that."
"Tough luck guy; these are two choice ladies and they know what they are doing. I've never had better."
He went over to the other girl, Donna was her name, and since she had an open hole Mel promptly filled it. As I watched I had to wonder why I didn't just say "To hell with Doris" and join in. I mean I was a man and I needed sex and Doris wouldn't give me any and I was in an apartment with two girls who would. It wouldn't be 'love' and there would be no emotional involvement. It would just be sex for the sake of sex so why not? A couple of times I caught myself reaching for my zipper or belt buckle, but at the last second I stopped myself.
Shortly before the party started breaking up both girls came up to me and Missy said:
"What's the matter honey; don't either of us appeal to you?"
"Just the opposite. I'm dying to take on both of you, but unfortunately I have a character flaw."
"A character flaw?" asked Donna. "What kind of character flaw?"
"There is this silly thing inside my head that says I have to stay faithful to my wife."
"Really" Donna said, "I didn't think there were any good guys left out there. I'm going to have to give you my number in case your wife is ever silly enough to let you get away."
"That goes double for me honey" Missy said, "I would love to have a guy who thinks like that."
Tom and am came up and took them by the arm and led them away and as I watched two delightful asses walk away from me I was thinking, "You do gangbangs at parties and you want a guy like me? Go figure."
The party started breaking up and soon it was down to just Tom, Jim, the two girls and me. I was reasonably sober so I stuck around to help with the clean up. Donna and Missy came up to me and Donna said:
"You have to at least give us a kiss sugar" and Missy giggled and said, "No charge of course." They both kissed me and both of them did slip me a piece of paper with their phone numbers on them. Donna said:
"I meant what I said sugar. If your wife is dumb enough to let you go call me."
The two of them left and Tom, who had been the money collector for the two said:
"I should have been born a sexy looking babe. Those two just spent four hours thoroughly enjoying themselves and they walked out of here with twenty-three hundred dollars to split between them and that doesn't even count the four hundred they got for coming here to do the strip tease. That's almost three hundred and forty dollars an hour."
We cleaned the place up and I left, but the night wasn't over for me yet. When I got outside I found the two girls standing in front of a Ford Focus with the hood up. I walked up and asked:
"Got a problem?"
.... There is more of this story ...