As usual I'd like to thank mikothebaby for her brilliant work making this story readable.
The sun had barely risen as my eyes opened on a day that filled me with dread. There was nothing that could happen today that could hurt me very much, but if things didn't go as I wanted, they might still steal a bit of the icing from my cake.
As I stirred preparing to rise, she too awoke and reached for my arm. She pulled it back onto her breasts and very pregnant tummy.
"Let those bastards wait," she said, snuggling in closer to me. "It really doesn't matter to me one way or another. They don't matter, the law doesn't matter, and society doesn't matter. Only the three of us matter. Only you, me and our baby matter. So hold me for a little while longer. Then we'll go and cast our pearls before the swine." I shrugged my shoulders, a gesture that was lost to the darkness and pulled her closer.
Her reaction was to push her ass even further into my crotch. I licked the top of her left ear as I squeezed her milk filled breasts. She lifted her top leg and pulled my perpetually erect penis into her fiery depths.
I pulled her into me slowly and unhurriedly savoring the sensation of sliding in and out of her warm wet tunnel. Then I tensed and she turned to look at me.
"I'm gonna cum," I said. "I'd better pull out." Again she looked at me but this time with the hint of a smile on her lips.
"If you're worried that I might get pregnant, it's too late for that now. So you may as well give your baby its first shower," she smirked.
Later on, after a shower together, as we sat down to eat breakfast, she grabbed my hand. "Barry, we really don't have to go," she said thoughtfully. "What we have is enough. It's far more than I ever hoped for and a thousand times better than what I had." I just nodded.
"We may as well try, though," I said. "I'll get the car."
I must be the biggest bastard on the planet, I thought. I was actually happy. I wouldn't trade my life for anything, despite the facts of its parameters.
Let me explain to you what just happened and you'll see what I mean. I'm single, as in divorced. I've just awakened and had breakfast with the pregnant wife of a man who was once my very best friend. He thought of himself that way all the way until I drove off with her about 18 months ago. The baby growing in her belly is, of course, mine. She wasn't pregnant when we left. I also wasn't fully divorced yet then either.
Her husband, Jay, would probably take her back in a heartbeat, even now. I guess having her around, even after us running off together, would be good for Jay since he's a paraplegic and confined to a wheelchair. I guess he kind of loved her and all. He was always telling everyone how beautiful she is. I guess the fool thought that they'd grow old together and all of that shit. It's kind of funny in a way.
That's the thing Aubrey and I are so nervous about. We're going back to visit Jay today to take our medicine and get everything out in the open. I guess it's kind of a closure thing. Jay is the last person we have to face. The families, both hers and mine, have had the past year and a half to come to terms with our relationship. Her parents have come to respect and even love me, though they'd prefer it if we were married. And my parents loved her on sight despite the fact that I'd literally run off with and impregnated a married woman.
I'm sure right now if you're reading my life story or at least this story about this chunk of my life, you already hate me. You're imagining me as some bastard who wants to run off with your wife or if you're already divorced, as the guy who did. In the back of your mind you're imagining unloading your Glock's entire clip into me after catching me having sex with her in your bed.
In your righteous wrath you're calling me all kinds of motherfuckers aren't you? And if that had been the way that my story played out I'd be right there with you. But before you relegate me to the last circle of hell, why not listen to my story? Why not walk a mile in my shoes before you cast judgment? It can't hurt you and it may actually open your eyes. ' I guess I should probably start in the middle. My name is Barry Allen. A few years after we got married, my wife Iris and I moved into a nice cul-de-sac neighborhood. You've seen them before, a road leads to a dead end and there are a bunch of houses arranged in kind of a circular court. Ours was very nice. It was a mid-scale neighborhood, but very well maintained by people who obviously cared about their property. And since there were only four houses in the cul-de-sac, everyone knew everyone else.
As a matter of fact, they all came over to meet us the day that we moved in. I guess they wanted to make sure that we fit in. And from the beginning, we did. The four couples involved, became over a couple of years, more like an extended family than just neighbors. There was of course Jay Garrick and his wife Aubrey. Jay was the oldest of the guys. He was the only one of us who was forty or over. He was tall and kind of flabby with a receding hairline, but he was all guy. The gossip in the neighborhood was that Jay was a reformed horn dog who'd met his dream woman and married her after only knowing her for a few days. Jay always told me that no matter how much pussy you'd had, when you met the right one it was always special.
There was Wallace West, who we all called Wally, of course. Wally was short and kind of chunky. He also wore big thick glasses and looked every bit like the accountant that he was. Wally's wife, Deborah, was and I assume still is, a school teacher and a very good one.
The last couple was Bart Allen, no relation, and his wife Kristy. Bart and Kristy were both in sales. They apparently met at a convention. They're also the only ones in the neighborhood with kids so far. They have two kids, a boy and a girl, but the whole neighborhood pretty much adopted those kids and used them for practice in our parenting skills.
We all got along great and were always having get-togethers or parties at one house or another. Everything was perfect until after we'd been there for about a year, I noticed that though Jay was still great, in fact he'd pretty much become my best friend, but his wife Aubrey had become a stone cold bitch.
To Wally and to Bart also, it was an interesting thing to talk about. To Jay it was painful, since it seemed that she was also treating her own husband as badly as she treated the rest of us. As the best friend, I had to listen to him whining and moaning about how their sex life had decayed and how she barely even wanted to speak to him, let alone fuck him.
For a horn dog like Jay, I think he could've suffered through her not speaking to him, but not getting any pussy was killing him. The four of us guys got together to support Jay over pizza and beer one Sunday as we watched the football game. Football games were always watched at my house because I had a 60 inch 1080p plasma screen TV.
The worst thing about Aubrey going nuts, as we were calling it, was the fact that Aubrey was without a doubt the hottest wife in the neighborhood. She looked exactly like that Southern Charms girl, Shanna Noelle. She had the same tawny hair falling onto her shoulders. Generous, but not ridiculous breasts that called out for attention on top of a slim waist and legs that were so beautiful that seeing her in shorts or a skirt should be declared a national holiday. Her ass would have to be included on any list of California's greatest natural treasures and if you asked me it would be pretty high up on the list too. Aubrey pretty much made the rest of our wives look bad.
Because of her looks, of course, the rest of the wives were almost happy when she took the train straight into Bitchville. The men on the other hand, as I mentioned had gathered to comfort Jay.
I had proposed that maybe we'd done something at one of the parties to insult her or hurt her feelings. Maybe we'd all laughed too hard at a joke about her. Jay had nixed that idea.
Wally thought that maybe she was going through menopause early or her hormones were out of whack. We all looked at each other, because none of us had any experience in that area, but shit, women were crazy and mysterious even to the men who married them. So it was possible.
Finally it was Bart who said what we'd all really been thinking. As hot as Aubrey was, she was probably fucking someone on the side. Jay loved her even though she was a bitch and his face just fell when Bart suggested it. We all vowed to help him through the crisis in any way we could.
After the summit was over, Jay and I retired to my office. We got on the internet and found a good private detective.
We got weekly reports and videotapes. After two months on the job, the detective quit. He said that as much as he'd loved taking Jay's money, he couldn't in good conscience continue to do it. Jay had paid for round the clock surveillance for two months and Aubrey had never left the house without Jay. She had also never had anyone come over unless Jay was home. She had to be the loneliest woman on the planet.
In the meantime, we read up on menopause and it just seemed like Aubrey at 27 years old was far too young for that. So with our two most promising theories disproved, in our ultimate male wisdom, the four of us just declared Aubrey to simply be a bitch.
I'm sure that Jay was mostly relieved to find out that she wasn't cheating on him. I now know that what Jay should have done from the very beginning was to simply have asked Aubrey what was wrong, but that never occurred to him, or to any of the rest of us for that matter.
Despite the fact that we spent a lot of time together, we all also had our own individual pursuits and hobbies. Wally and Bart loved to bowl and were in a league together. Jay loved to play golf and also liked to go to the horse races.
I had my Mustang. I was always customizing it or washing it, but I loved to run as well. At 26 years old, I was 5'9" and weighed about 170 lbs. I'm in very good shape from all of the runs and workouts. Working out is simply a part of me. I took for granted that everyone didn't do it.
My wife, Iris, on the other hand is almost my polar opposite. Iris is 5' 1" and lies about her height. She tries to convince everyone that she's 5' 4". She does that because if she was 5' 4" her body mass index would be barely outside of being obese. She can handle being overweight, but the term obese is insulting.
I personally didn't care. I fell in love with Iris while we were in college and she was a tad chunky even then. Of course, her size came with benefits. Iris had incredible boobs. They were the biggest softest pillows I'd ever seen and I loved them. I could hardly keep my hands off of them. And her butt was so big and soft and round. Needless to say that Iris and I were always sneaking off somewhere to avoid uhm ... public indecency. If you had asked me before any of this got started, I'd have told you, hands down that I much preferred my slightly more than chunky, but warm and caring wife to that ice cold hottie next door.
At that time, there were only two things in the world that I believed in as being infallible. The first was that my Mustang would eat up any car in the neighborhood, including Jay's Camaro. And the second thing was that Iris loved me with all of her heart. Though we'd met under dubious circumstances, I was sure that the past four years of marriage and two years of friendship before that had proven beyond any doubt that we'd always be together.
In fact, Iris was the one who went around telling everyone that only death would separate us and then only until we'd both passed. I wholeheartedly believed her and felt the same way. But since I'm here telling you this story, obviously we were both wrong.
It was a typical fall Sunday when it all went to hell. Sundays are the day for my long run. That morning I'd told Iris that I was going to run a twenty miler, which wasn't unusual for me when getting ready for a fall marathon. Unfortunately I just didn't have twenty miles in me that morning so I decided to pack it in after only ten.
As I ran back down our street and neared my house I saw Aubrey in her yard next door. I waved at her and as expected, she pretended she didn't see me. I was sure that she had and was simply being a bitch as usual. I felt sorry for Jay and I wondered again how a guy as nice as Jay, could end up with a woman that evil. I always tried to be as nice to her as I could hoping that one day she'd snap out of it and be the woman she was when we first moved here.
I ran up near my house and noticed that I could see into my living room when I stepped up on the porch. Iris was always telling me to close the draperies and I guess when I checked the weather before I went out to run, I'd left them open again.
It wouldn't have made any difference. They were so busy that they wouldn't have noticed me anyway. Iris was bent over the back of my couch while my best friend Jay, nice guy that he was, fucked her from behind. Those amazing boobs that I'd thought were all mine were being fondled by Wally as Iris sucked him off.
Bart was beating his meat while he waited for his turn. They moved like a well-oiled machine. Jay pulled out and Iris stood up for a second while Bart took the cushions off of our sofa and laid them on the coffee table. Iris laid down flat on her back and spread her legs. Wally jumped between them and thrust his dick deep inside her in one shove.
I could hear Iris screaming, "Yeah baby! Fuck me," from outside of the house.
I was having trouble believing what I was watching. Then I heard the acidic voice from behind me. "You're even worse than the rest of them. You're getting off watching them fuck that whore," said Aubrey from behind me. "What kind of pervert are you? Why not go in there and join the rest of the perverts?"
I turned to look at her, not knowing what I was going to say. Apparently no words were necessary. "Oh my god," shesaid incredulously. "You didn't know did you?"
She grabbed my hand and tried to stop me from going into the house. "I'm so sorry Barry," she said. "I thought you all knew and were in on it. I mean how was I supposed to know? Bart is in there and so is Wally. I also know that Kristy knows about this because she and Bart are swingers. I just assumed that you, being that asshole's best friend and the husband of the whore, knew about it too. It makes sense if you think about it. I thought that maybe you were all swingers."
"I have to get out of here," I said. I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Without a word I started walking towards my garage. I pulled my key fob from the pocket of my track suit. Pushing the button to open my garage door, I noticed that Aubrey was keeping pace with me.
I remembered that I kept an emergency set of my car keys in the garage in the drawer of my tool chest. I retrieved the keys and started my car. The sound of eight thumping pistons was drowned out by the beating of my heart. I needed to put as much distance as I could between me and my house before I killed someone.
I just wanted to drive. I didn't have a destination in mind, I just needed to drive. I backed the car down my driveway with my anger closing my eyes until they were barely slits.
The Mustang's engine was so loud that I almost didn't see my house's side door opening as I passed it. The only thing I did see was all of that tawny hair flipping around as Aubrey raised her hands as if she was praying or begging and stared at me through the window.
She'd been nothing but a bitch to everyone in the neighborhood for over a year. But now it seemed to make sense. I pressed the button to unlock the door for her and as soon as she was in the car we were moving.
As we cleared the driveway, I saw Iris come out of the house in a hastily donned robe that flapped open. She looked straight at me and knew that I'd seen her. I shifted from reverse into a forward gear and drove away.
For the first few moments thankfully, neither Aubrey nor I said a word. Then she broke the silence diplomatically. "If you don't slow down, the only place we're going is jail," she said.
I backed off on the gas but still didn't say a word. "I'm so sorry Barry," she said. "I really thought that you knew."
"You already said that," I said. "But I'm confused. If you knew this was going on, why the hell didn't you tell me?"
"I covered that too," she snapped. "I thought you knew and were in on it."
"I guess you don't remember me very well from when we used to be friends," I snapped. "But I love my wife. There's no way I'd ever share her with anyone."
"Too bad she doesn't see it that way," she smirked. Then realizing that what she'd said might hurt me, she changed her tone and her delivery.
"Barry, I didn't mean for that to come out the way it did," she said. "I remember that you used to be a really nice guy. Maybe I should have remembered that and at least taken the chance. But when I first found out about all of this I was as shocked and hurt as you're feeling now. I loved Jay with all my heart. I couldn't believe that he'd do that to me. Especially after all the things he said and all of the promises he made me," Out of the corner of my eye I could see that she was upset and on the verge of tears too.
My stomach started growling, I'd run too far not to put something into it. My legs were beginning to stiffen up too. I left the freeway and started looking for a place to eat. I spotted an IHOP sign and headed there. I got big breakfast specials and coffee for both of us. We got them to carry out and I drove us to a park that I'd seen earlier. We sat down at a table overlooking a play-scape. Several small children were hanging or sliding or swinging on it and their carefree laughter permeated the air.
The sounds of their happiness and their antics as they tried to impress their mothers brought a joyful atmosphere to the area. Only Aubrey and I were unmoved by their happiness.
"That's what I wanted," said Aubrey, nodding at the mothers and their kids. "That's my dream life. I should be almost there by now. I've got the house. All I need is the man who loves me and the baby. I thought I had that," she said.
"That's all I've wanted since I was a little girl," she said sadly.
"I wanted to go to the Olympics," I said. "My timing was off and after I met Iris, I guess my priorities changed."
She just looked at me and for the first time in over a year I saw her smile. "What event did you compete in?" she asked.
"Track and field," I said. "I'm a long distance runner now, but a few years ago in college I ran the 5K and 10K."
"You still seem to be in pretty good shape," she said. "That's one of the things I've always admired about you. You're still young enough to make a go of it."
"I have a life now," I said softly. "And I've gotten far too soft to dedicate my life to training that hard. Plus there are certain creature comforts that I simply can't do without. There's also the practical side of things. No one even remembers any American track athletes. While the Olympics are going on we pay attention to track, but as soon as the medals are handed out we don't give the sport another thought for four years until the next one comes along."
"Then of course there's the steroid thing," I said. She laughed at that, but I couldn't figure out why.
"So here we are two little lambs who've both given up our dreams and still have the ones who supposedly loved us most turn out to be cheating assholes," she laughed.
"At least you can laugh," I said. "This is the worst day of my fucking life."
"Sorry, but it's a good one for me," she said. "I know it's bad for you, but at least I have a friend now. I finally have someone I can talk about this with. For the past year or so, I've had to hold all of this in. I had literally no one I could talk to."
"So that's why you became..." I began.
"A bitch," she finished for me. "Yep that's why."
"But why didn't you divorce him or leave him?" I asked.
"And do what or go where?" she asked.
"Anywhere you wanted," I said. "You're beautiful. You could do anything you want in life. And you're still only what... 27 years old? You can do anything you set your mind to."
"Barry," she said quietly. "Everyone isn't the same. I had already done what I set my mind to and apparently I failed miserably. Life isn't all about looks and not everyone wants the same things. I don't have the drive that you do. I told you before. All I wanted was to be someone's wife and someone's mother. When I met Jay, I was a twenty-two year old waitress from a small town and with limited options. I knew that Jay was a player, I'd met lots of men like him who passed through town."
"I didn't fall for any of their lines, because I knew what I wanted out of life. I also knew what I didn't want. I didn't want to be another notch on some guy's gun-belt. I wanted a man who was going to commit to me and us. I wanted someone who would love me and only me. And I wanted to build a life and a family with that same man. I thought that Jay was him. I made him wait for a long time and promise to marry me before anything got started. We didn't even have sex until our wedding night and it was the first time I went all the way. My life started out so God damned good." She paused and started eating her bacon. I loved watching her mouth move and the dainty bites she took.
"Then you guys moved in," she said. "At first everything was great, we all got along and everything was going well. I'd told Jay in no uncertain terms that it was time for me to have a baby, or four. I'd started asking Kristy about it and she told me to be careful what I wished for, because having one changed your life. I left that conversation thinking she was the most selfish bitch in the universe."
"I went home and on the way there, I saw Jay go into your house. He looked around as if he was trying to make sure that no one saw him, and then he went in. I wondered what was going on. I thought that maybe you guys were planning another one of your stupid pranks. So I quietly followed him. When I looked inside your house, I saw your wife down on her knees putting her mouth on his ... well you know." She shook her head and I saw tears in the corners of her eyes again.
"I had tried doing that for Jay, but apparently, I'm not very good at it," she said. "And the things that she lets him do, like sticking it in her ... other hole. Barry, I loved that man so much. There is nothing that I wouldn't have done for him. But he never even gave me the chance. Some of the things they do are pretty disgusting. Did you know that she lets him pee on her?"
"Uhm, no," I said.
"Do you pee on her too?" she asked curiously.
"No, I'm just not into that," I said. "I guess I'm kind of old fashioned but that just doesn't seem sexy to me at all."
"So I'm not alone," she said. "But as crazy as it sounds, I'd have let him do that to me too, if he'd ever just asked. I guess there's also the fact that she just lets him slam it into her and just screams for more. Even when they take her two at a time she's asking for more. Sometimes they all get really excited and all three of them just shoot their stuff all over her and she licks it up. And they hit her and rub their things all over her face. It's just nasty. Maybe I'm old fashioned too."
"Anyway, once I saw that, I knew that Jay had lied to me. He promised me that his days of being a cheater were over when he met me and we'd settle down and have a nice life together. The first few days I was really hurt. Then I just decided to hurt him back. I stopped having sex with him then. But I guess I hurt myself more than I hurt him because he's still got your wife and they've gotten even more disgusting since then. All I got was madder and even more alone."
"I guess I'm just a stupid country girl," she said. "Because when I looked into Jay's eyes, I really believed that he loved me and that he meant all the things he told me. I really believed that I was enough for him." I squeezed her hand that had somehow entwined its thin fingers with mine.
"I guess we should just have a club for suckers then," I said. "My situation is remarkably similar to yours. I met Iris in college. I was on the track team and as I said, I was working towards the Olympics. I tried everything I could to get better. I even tried training with some of the other athletes. I figured that cross training with football players and sprinters would be a good thing. I'd gain some of their explosive power and speed and they'd gain some of my endurance. It actually did work and I also gained a few friends who were far more popular than I was."
"I was at the dorm of one of my training buddies when I met Iris. They always had all kinds of girls hanging out with them. Some of them were beautiful. They were the kinds of girls that normal guys just don't get a shot at. There were also some skanks there too. I really couldn't figure out then what a girl like Iris was doing there. It turned out that she was there to tutor a couple of the football players. We struck up a conversation and I found her to be a really nice girl. Of course, I wasn't stupid enough to believe that she was some untouched virgin, but I liked her."
"One of my buddies warned me about her, though. He told me to go and find myself a nice girl because Iris wasn't for me. He said that she'd started out as a tutor but she was as bad as the rest of the women there. And since she was a bigger girl, and not quite as pretty as some were, she had to do a lot more in order to get any of the guys to pay her any attention. He wasn't trying to hurt me, but as my friend he thought that I should know."
"I took his advice and never called Iris. I did date several nice girls for a year or so. They were just that, nice girls. Most of them were more popular than Iris. Most of them were also prettier. All of them were slimmer than she was, but not one of them made me feel the way that she had."
"I ran into her again the year I was going to graduate. I was studying in the library and she was working there. She came over to my table and re-introduced herself. I told her that she didn't need to do that or remind me of where we'd met, because I remembered her very well. She seemed to be shocked about that. I told her that I could probably recite most of the conversation we'd had that night and she was even more shocked when I did."
"We sat there talking in the library until it closed and then we went for coffee. She gave me her phone number again and told me not to wait another year before she saw me again. I was really torn because on one hand, she was a really special woman, but on the other I'd been warned. I called her the next evening and we stayed on the phone for over an hour. Finally she just asked me out. I think that my hesitation, told her something."
"She asked me flat out if I liked her and I told her without hesitating that I really did. She said that she'd actually believed that we had a spark between us. I told her that I felt it too. She told me that she was actually nearly starving herself to lose weight and I asked her why. She said that most of the guys she knew didn't really want to date bigger girls, but if I gave her a chance she'd get smaller because she really thought we had something. I started laughing and she hung up the phone on me."
"I called her right back and she hung up on me again. She turned off her phone so I left her twenty messages. The next night I went to the library and sat right in front of her counter. I told her that I wouldn't leave until we talked. She was really angry and I could tell she was just hurt. But she told me that she got a break at nine o'clock so come back then. When we spoke on her break she told me that I had five minutes because she didn't want to waste her entire break on me. I could say whatever I needed to tell her but after that I had to promise to leave her alone. I agreed and she said go ahead and give me your, "I'm a nice guy but I don't date fat girls speech."
"Then I started laughing at her again. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes so I grabbed her hand and told her that I thought that she was beautiful and really sexy just as she was. And she didn't need to lose a pound for me. When she heard that she just moved on down her list of reasons why other guys hadn't wanted to date her. I told her none of them were true either."
"She offered to just date me on the sly. We could always stay in at my dorm or hers and make sure no one saw us together. I asked her why the hell we should do that. She told me that it was so I wouldn't have to worry about having anyone see me with a fat girl. Even if I didn't mind her weight, I was probably worried that some of my friends might see us together. I just shook my head."
"Finally, I told her what my friend had warned me about. I explained to her that I was just looking for someone nice to call my own. I wasn't interested in someone who hung out with the football team or any of that. We had a long talk and she explained to me that she really wasn't into that. The problem was that she was a healthy girl with a healthy sex drive and she had to take what she could get. Most of the guys weren't like me. Her size was a big turn off for them. A lot of the ones who did like her, just fucked her and took her money or used her in other ways, but a shitty sex life was better than no sex life."
"She also told me that she'd much rather be in an exclusive relationship with one guy, but she hadn't had anyone who wanted to take her up on her offer, so she took what she could get."
"So we started dating and after we graduated we did all of the normal things. We met each other's family. We got engaged. We moved in together and we got married. Finally, we moved into the neighborhood and met the rest of you."
"So what happens now" she asked me. "I mean in my case, I enjoy torturing Jay but I have no idea of what to do next. I guess that I was hoping that he'd come to see what he was doing was wrong and it was ruining our marriage. But with your wife available, he only needs me to cook and clean for him. He basically has the cheapest maid service in town."
"I haven't decided exactly what to do yet Aubrey," I said. "I need to think about it. I'm sorry but I'm a guy and in a case like this, there has to be some kind of revenge. I can't take this lying down and just let it happen, but I need to think about what I want to do. Just running up and punching Jay in the mouth might satisfy me for a minute or two but it isn't something that would make me happy long term."
"The same goes for the rest of them. They've basically destroyed a big part of my life. I wish I'd never moved into this fucking neighborhood," I said. She nodded.
"But at least we don't have to go through this alone," she said.
We got back into my Mustang and started the trip back home.
Despite what I'd been through, I couldn't help noticing that it was a really nice day. The weather was sunny with just a bit of the fall's bite in the air. After having a chance to vent with Aubrey, I felt a bit better. I still hurt like hell, but the edge was off of my rage. There was no longer the danger of me taking a baseball bat to Jay or any of the others. I'd also begun thinking of what I wanted to do.
As we drove back down the street, it seemed as if every eye was on us. Bart and Kristy were sitting on their porch and they began animatedly talking as we drove past. Wally and Deborah watched us too. Deb waved at us and Wally looked away. He started walking towards my house as we passed. When we got in front of my house, I saw Jay waiting on my front porch. I drove up the driveway and into the garage. Jay followed my car into the back. I got out and so did Aubrey. Iris came out of the back door just as the garage door closed. Aubrey hugged me hard and whispered into my ear that she'd see me later.
Jay's eyes narrowed and the set of his lips got a bit firmer as he saw the hug. I also noticed Wally heading up my driveway. "Barry," said Iris sadly. I ignored her and turned to Jay. Some of the rage I'd swallowed had bubbled its way back to the surface.
"Barry, I ... I'm sorry buddy," he began. "We need to talk about this like adults and figure out how I can make amends for..." That was all he got out before my fist slammed into his mouth.
Jay went down like a bowling pin. He stayed there for a second and got up. He was shaky on his feet and bleeding from his mouth. Wally was shocked and Iris stood in the driveway holding her hand over her mouth.
"Barry," said Jay. "I hope that made you feel better. I guess I deserved that. We all do, but we need to talk about this." I turned back towards him. "I wasn't the only one, you know." He put his hands up like we were boxing or something.
I swung as if I was going to send a slow looping punch towards Jay's head. He raised his guard up and I dropped to one knee and punched him in the stomach as hard as I could. He folded up again and lay on the ground heaving as if he was going to throw up.
Iris followed me and so did Wally. I noticed that they left Jay on the ground. Just as I made it to the front porch, I heard Aubrey yelling over the fence to Jay who was still on the ground. "Jay, are we out of tanning oil?"
"Barry, please don't tell Deborah," whined Wally. I moved right past him and into my house. I went into my den and turned on my television. I found one of the endless NFL pre-game shows and though my eyes were on the screen, I wasn't watching. My mind was still focusing on my plan to get back at my neighbors.
I heard the door open and Iris stepped into the room. "Barry honey, we need to talk about what happened," she said.
"Iris, I'm not in the mood for you or any of this shit right now," I snapped. "Get the fuck out of this room before I hurt you."
"Barry, you hiding in here won't solve the problem," she said. "This may not..." she stopped in mid-sentence as I looked at her and left.
Thirty minutes later the door-bell rang. Iris answered it and someone knocked on my door. I didn't answer it. A few minutes later Bart walked in carrying a pizza. "Where are the guys?" he asked. "It's almost time for the kick off."
"Bart, if you don't get the fuck out of here I'm going to kick your ass off of your body," I snapped.
"Barry, we were wrong," he said. "We should have spoken to you about this a long time ago. It meant nothing to me. Our friendship means a lot more. So to even things up, I've arranged for you to have some time with Kristy. I'm not sure you know this, but Kristy and I have an open marriage and she likes you. That way, things are even between us."
"Bart, you have three seconds to get out of my house," I said. "I don't want you or your wife to ever come near me again."
"Oh, I see you've already picked someone else anyway," he said. "Good choice."
I looked behind me to see what he was babbling about and saw Aubrey standing in the doorway with a plate of chocolate chip cookies.
"I came to watch football with you," she said smiling. "Jay's in our bathroom trying to ice his lip and find something to soothe his stomach." She giggled a bit as she said it.
Bart looked at her as he went past. He smiled at her as if he was going to say something, but her icy glance froze him in his tracks.
She sat down on the couch near me with the plate of cookies between us. As the game started, I asked her what she wanted to drink.
"Milk please," she smiled. "It goes great with the cookies."
"But beer goes with football," I whined.
"Okay, then bring yourself one while you bring my milk," she laughed.
When I came back into the room, Iris was there again. She was saying something to Aubrey, who was ignoring her.
"No one has any points yet," said Aubrey as I sat down. "Which one is our team?"
"The guys in the blue and silver are our guys, the Detroit Lions," I said.
"Barry, we live in California. Aren't there any teams from California?" she asked.
"Well, there are the 49ers and the Raiders," I said.
"So why are the Lions our team," she asked.
"Who are they playing?" asked Iris. I ignored her and turned to Aubrey.
"I went to the University of Michigan to get my degree. I kind of got into the Lions when they were awful. They're on their way up now for the first time in over twenty years. I've stuck with them for as long as I can remember." I looked straight at Iris and said, "Loyalty is really important to me."
"I like their uniforms," said Aubrey.
"Who are they playing?" asked Iris again.
"They can't be playing me," I snapped. "Because you've already done that; you've been playing me for a fool for a long time now."
"But..." began Iris.
"Why are you here anyway?" I snapped. "I just want to watch the fucking football game in peace, get out."
"But she's..." began Iris again.
"My friend," I interrupted. "And she's invited. Get out."
For the next three and a half hours Aubrey and I sat on my couch with our feet up and watched the game. The Lions rolled over the Cowboys and Aubrey and I had a good time. When the game was over, before the post-game scoreboard show could even begin, Aubrey grabbed the remote and said, "My turn."
She went into the On Demand menu and found a movie. Surprisingly it was one I hadn't seen. And even more surprisingly it was a good movie. A relatively new Nicolas Cage movie called "Drive angry."
It was a crazy movie but very action filled and pretty good. We were running out of cookies and our drinks were gone. I went and got refills for both Aubrey and me. While I was on my way to the kitchen, I noticed that Iris and all of her co-conspirators were gathered in the living room.
"Barry," said Iris softly.
"What?" I snapped. "Are you guys going to start fucking again? Well don't worry, we'll turn the surround sound on and turn up the volume. You can just turn on a fan to get rid of the smell."
"Barry, your friends and I would like to speak to you when the game is over," said Iris softly.
"The game is already over. I'm watching a movie with the only friend I have and if you don't get your lovers out of my house, I'll shoot them all as soon as our movie is over. Besides shouldn't you be upstairs moving all of your shit into another bedroom?"
"Barry, don't you think we should talk about this?" asked Wally. "We all know that this was a really big mistake, but we've all been friends for so long. It just seems wrong to mess that up over one incident."
"You guys have been at it a lot longer than one incident asshole," I said.
"I already tried to make it up to you," said Bart.