"I said 'Your asshole.'"
"I know what you said."
"Then why did you say 'what'?"
"Because I couldn't think of anything else to say."
"Alright, well, let's try this again, shall we?"
"Yeah, that's what I said. No."
"How can you say no?"
"Watch my lips. First I open them and put my tongue on the top of mouth to form the 'N'. Then I take my tongue off the roof of my mouth to make the 'O'. Like this: nnnnnoooooooo."
"Very funny. I'm laughing hysterically right now. Ha ... Ha. You know what I mean."
"No, I don't think I do."
"Don't play dumb with me. Don't you remember the little conversation we had just two minutes ago?"
"Please, refresh my memory. I know you're dying to do it."
"OK, wise ass, this is what you said, and I quote, 'I will do whatever Mike says for the next 48 hours. If he tells me to jump, I will not even ask how high, I will just do it.'"
"I said that, really?"
"Yes you did."
"I suppose I did. Now what was it you said earlier?"
"I said, 'Your asshole.'"
"Right. And I said, 'What?'"
"Let's not repeat the whole conversation again, please."
"You take all the fun out of it."
"Yeah, well, it's because I want to actually DO something fun."
"Fun? You call my asshole fun?"
"I may beg to differ."
"Well, you can beg, but that won't get you out of it. You agreed to do what I say, and I said, 'Your asshole.'"
"'Your asshole' isn't even an entire sentence, much less telling me to do something."
"You're right, but you know what I want."
"Unfortunately, I do. We've never done THAT and you've never showed any interest in doing THAT."
"Because I know how you feel about it. I was respecting you. But now, since you have to do anything I say, I thought it would be fun to give it a try."
"And if I still refuse?"
"You do have a short memory, or at least a selective one."
"I suppose you're going to remind me of what I forgot, aren't you?"
"Yep. That's one of the main purposes of my life, to correct your mistakes and jar your memory from time to time."
"Ok, jar away."
"Again, I quote your exact words, 'If I refuse anything that Mike tells me to do, I will have to give Bethany a call and tell her that we accept her offer.' Isn't that what you said?"
"Now that you mention it, I guess I do recall saying something along those lines."
"So, I suppose you have a choice, even though you shouldn't. You should just be doing what I say."
"But you haven't told me to do anything!"
"Stop trying to delay the inevitable. Make a choice so we can get on with it."
"So, what are my choices again?"
"You are infuriating, woman. Your choices are simple: Bethany or your asshole. Door number one or door number two."
"Don't think I don't see what you tried to do there. I don't find it amusing at all."
"Find what amusing? What did I do?"
"Fine, I'll humor you. Ha ... Ha. Door number one refers to Bethany and what I would be doing to her and door number two refers to my asshole, for more obvious reasons."
"Wow, I'm funny."
"Now, stop with your delay tactics and make up your mind."
"Door number ... Hey, look at the pink elephant over there!"
"Do you think I'm three years old or something? Are you going to try to poison BOTH cups? That's not going to work. Decide."
"It bought me a few more minutes. I figure if I can keep this up for another 47 hours and 50 minutes then I won't have to make a choice."
"Even you can't talk that long. I'll give you one more chance before I decide for you."
"And how will you decide for me?"
"I'm bigger and stronger than you, plus I have ropes and handcuffs. I could then choose door number one AND number two."
"I would, and I will unless you make a choice in the next thirty seconds."
"Fine. I'll make a choice. I could choose excruciating pain in my derrière or an awful horrible taste in my mouth. Not much of a..."
"You're really counting the seconds down?"
"I guess you are. Are you using the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi method?"
"OK, OK. Fine. I choose door number ... Don't I have a beautiful pussy? Wouldn't you like to taste it?"
"The choice is so hard!"
"I can't make up my mind!"
"One! No, two! No, wait, one! No, two! Yeah, two!"
"Zero. Your choice was door number two, your asshole."
"Can I change my mind?"
"You're not allowed to change your mind; we would be here all year."
"But, I'm a woman! We're allowed to change our minds anytime we want!"
"Normally, that is correct. What wise man would argue with a mind changing woman? But these aren't normal circumstances."
"No. You are supposed to be doing whatever I say, remember."
"Oh yeah, that whole shpiel about jumping and stuff, right?"
"So, I forget, I can't change my mind now?"
"Why, do you want to change to door number one?"
"Well, my preference would be door number three."
"And what would door number three be?"
"Go back in time and this entire conversation didn't ever happen."
"Door number three is physically impossible, so you are limited to the two doors. And if MY memory serves me correctly, and we both know it always does, you already chose door number two."
"I can think of door number four of five, though."
"Yeah, but none of them would correspond with any orifices of the human body, so they don't count."
"Well, if you want to be THAT restrictive, then fine."
"I do want to be that restrictive. And speaking of being restricted, do I have to go get the ropes and handcuffs after all?"
"No, don't do that. Can I change my mind, just one more time, though?"
"Do you really want to, or are you just delaying more?"
"Then no, you can't."
"So, you're saying that if I DID want to change my mind, you would let me?"
"OK, then why are we having this conversation?"
"I'm not entirely sure anymore."
"AHA! So your memory IS starting to fail you! I knew I would rub off on you eventually. Now, how can I be sure that the things that you 'remembered' are actually true?"
"You're infuriating woman. You can be sure because we both remember the things you said; you just don't like to admit it."
"I guess you have me there."
"And I'm about to have you THERE!"
"OW! Hey, don't be putting your finger there!"
"I can put my finger anywhere I want. And more than my finger will be going there in a few minutes."
"I want to change my mind."
"No, just go get the lube."
"But, I don't know where it is."
"It's that whole selective memory thing again isn't it?"
"I'm not sure, since my memory isn't working right anymore."
"Fine, I'll humor you. Go next to the nightstand on my side of the bed, open the drawer and get the tube of KY that is in there."
"Well, if you're going to be THAT specific, you're going to ruin more of my fun."
"Yes I am. We've been over that already. I'm ruining your fun so that I can have some. With THIS thing."