I guess this note is to say I won't be at the wedding. When you took out "Forsake all others" from both our vows and explained why, I had to think about why we were marrying. When I was younger I did not date because I did not find anyone in my age group I was contented with. In college I dated a couple of times, but again no connection. Then I met you and that changed, I felt a connection to you from the start. This may be hard to believe, or maybe not, but from a young age I knew that I did not want to be with a woman unless I was going to be with her forever. I never wanted a bunch of notches on my belt or bedpost or whatever form the scoring took. Not to say this was easy, hell I am human and I have urges, but without the connections, the urges were not directed at a person only a dream. So I guess you could say you are my dream girl. But even with that I can't marry you, what I can say is I will never be with anyone but you. So I guess by that logic I will never be with anyone. Planning before our vows are even spoken to have a get out of jail free card as part of our marriage is to say the least disheartening. If you don't love me enough to forsake sex with other men, then you don't love me as a husband but as a friend with benefits, and that is not enough to base a marriage on. So tell your parents I love them, but I am sorry that I cannot provide them the grandkids we always spoke about. We may see each other around, I am not running from town, and know I will love you forever, but I won't allow myself to become what you seem to desire. I hope your heart can find someone you love so much you give them everything, BODY, heart and soul. I hope when you find that person they give you the same in return.
So ended the happiest days of my life, or rather the discussion the letter stemmed from did. I knew at that point the woman I loved with everything did not think as highly of me. Everything spiraled out of sorts from there. I mean, I had done everything up to this point in my life with one goal in mind. Finding the woman for me, my soul mate, marrying her and starting a family. I made it through High School and College with high honors. I worked myself through different position at work so that I would be able to provide for my family. Then a discussion about our vows ended the goal. No family. No home with a tree and lights for Christmas. No growing old and retiring with someone I loved. Now I just go through the day at work, doing what is needed, but no longer trying to strive for more. Life being over at the age of 30 is awful. I did see Gwen many times in the first couple of weeks. But if she moved towards me I moved away from her. Stupid, probably, she might have been hurting as much as I was, but as long as I didn't speak to her I could never hear the words that I was right and she really never did love me that much.
Tear Jerker /