This is a work of fiction, and friction. Any resemblance to living, dead, or undead people is merely a coincidence. Also the places featured in this story have no relationship to former, present or future places. (My lawyers suggested that) This story may not be used for wrapping fish or any other commercial endeavor without the author's express permission.

Thanks to redlegtiger for all his editing assistance. All mistakes are mine and not his.

NOTE: Just because this article is labeled as "No Sex" does not mean that your marriage will be with out sex. (Keep your Little Black Book) (Just Joking)

There are several caveats to this guide. The breaking of these caveats do not guarantee the automatic failure of the marriage, but they certainly make it much harder.

1. Insanity in either spouse.

2. Neither spouse speaking, understanding or being able to read the same language.

3. Any sexual orien tation involving other people: regardless of any agreements made by you and your spouse.

4. Multiple Partner Marriages. People who attempt this are often the same people who endorse gambling as an investment tool.

Rule #1 – Don't sleep with the baby-sitter!

Exception to Rule #1

Allowable if the baby-sitter in question happens to be your spousal unit.

Easy Explation for rule #1

a. Your baby-sitter is probably a Teen or even a Preteen. In that case they will just have to tell their BFF or Running Mate. Need less to say, word will get around and y6our spouse will be told by a 'concerned' friend (Not to mention the police).

b. This was the most likely scenario, but rest assured it will happen and your spouse will find out. Even if the baby-sitter is not underage.

Rule #2 – Both spouses should have at least one hobby and at least one of those hobbies should be different than the other spouse. It is also recommended that both spouses do not work at the same job or the same company.

Rule #3 – Do NOT reside with your spouse's parents or your parents. Something that you find mildly irritating will drive your spouse crazy and visa-versa.

Rule #4 – Always try to be honest with your spouse. Of course, some questions should never be asked or answered.

Sample question: "Does this make me look fat?" (Note: There is NO good answer.)

Better Answer: "No".

Really Bad Answer: "No, it's your habit of always having seconds that makes you look fat!

If you find that you would usually use the second answer, then perhaps you shouldn't get married.

Other Questions to avoid (like the plague):