The best piece of ass I've ever had – without a doubt – was a grudge fuck brought on by my being stupid and yes, there is a story behind it.
The story starts in the seventh grade on the playground after school. A bunch of us got together to play a pick up game of softball. It was the fourth inning and I was on first when Norm Snieder hit a single to center. I took off for second and saw Harry Sort pick up the ball and throw it toward Phil Reed who was playing second base. I saw that it was going to be close so I slid into second and when Phil tried to tag me he moved into my way and my slide took his legs out from under him. As he went down I saw the ball drop and roll toward right field and I got up and ran to third just barely beating the throw.
Two innings later Phil was on second when Billy Neubert hit one to center and when Phil saw that Mike Liss wasn't going to get to it in time he broke toward me at third and even though the throw went to home to keep him from scoring Phil slid into third with his feet high intending to take me down. I stepped aside, but then Phil deliberately rolled sideways to hit me. I saw it coming so I pulled up my legs and dropped onto Phil with one knee going into his stomach and the other going into his crotch.
From that day forward Phil and I were not even close to being friends. From that day forward Phil always tried to get back at me one way or another. A month later on Halloween he soaped the windows on my dad's car and toilet papered the tree in front of our house, but my dad caught him and made him clean up the mess while I sat on the front porch and laughed at him.
We went out for basketball and in every drill or practice game Phil would get on the other side and foul me every chance he got. The coaches caught on and as a result he didn't make the team as a starter, but he did ride the bench where I smiled at him every time I made a basket or blocked a shot.
When we went out for football it was the same. He was always on the other side when we scrimmaged and we had many a collision. He got in a few good licks, but knowing him like I did I knew what he would probably do and I was usually ready for him and managed to get in a few licks of my own. The coaches saw it, but unlike the basketball coaches they saw it as good aggressive behavior and they let it go on. We both made the team, Phil on defense and me on offence, but I got to have a laugh at his expense when we were elected co-captains. It was the first time in school history that the team didn't have just one captain and it ground on him that he didn't have the honor solo.
Academically we were about equal. He was a little better than I was in English and History, but I had him in Math and Science. It didn't surprise me that when I joined the chess club he followed suit. Whenever I was matched up with him he was as intense as could be, but he didn't really have the mindset for chess and he was never able to beat me.
I did have to give him his due. I joined the debating team and he followed along. Every time we went head to head he trashed me although no one else ever did.
Naturally the animosity carried over into our social lives. If I showed interest in a girl Phil also went after her. We were about fifty/fifty in that area although I did one up him at prom time. I knew who I wanted to take and I knew that as soon as it became known Phil would be after her also so I let it slip in his hearing that I was going to ask Nancy Wilde and sure enough he went right after her and as soon as Nancy said yes and Phil was committed I asked Beverly Holbrook and she said yes.
I got the last laugh on that one. At one of the after prom parties that we attended Nancy kneed Phil in the balls, called him an asshole and asked Punky Baggett to give her a ride home. Bev and I proceeded to give each other our cherries and started a relationship that lasted until our second year in college. By then we both realized that although we liked each other a lot we were not really meant for each other. From the time I took her to the prom Phil kept coming onto Bev every time he caught her alone. She told me about it and I explained my relationship with Phil. Bev said:
"I can have some fun if you don't mind."
"What do you mean?"
"He doesn't know that we have decided to just be friends."
"So the next time he hits on me I'll say yes and go out with him. If you are right he will brag about stealing me away from you and when he does I'll shoot him through the grease."
And that is just what happened. Phil caught her alone in the student cafeteria, took his shot and Bev said:
"I suppose one date won't hurt as long as you promise to never let Rob find out."
They dated four times and on the fourth date after a heavy make out session Bev gave him a hand job. Phil responded just like we thought he would. One night he took Bev to a party that I did not attend and he bragged to a couple of people that he had taken her away from me and that she had the screaming hots for him. One of the girls who had heard him bragging asked Bev if it was true. Bev laughed and said:
"Hell no. Rob and I had an argument and I dated Phil to spite him. Rob found out about the date with Phil and told me he didn't want any more to do with me. I'm only with Phil until something better comes along. I doubt Phil could take any girl away from anyone. He's not a bad kissed, but he is a bit lacking if you know what I mean."
"I felt sorry for him one night and gave him a hand job or I guess I should say a finger job."
"A finger job?"
Bev giggled and held up her thumb and forefinger and made an up and down jacking motion. The other girl laughed and in twenty-four hours the story had made the rounds that Phil came up short in the joystick department. It wasn't true of course and any girl that Phil had scored with would know it as would the guys who had shared the showers and locker room with him. He was about the same as ninety percent of us – just average. Did I feel bad about sort of being part of starting the rumor? Not at all. Given all of the shit I got from Phil I didn't feel bad at all.
Phil never approached Bev again. Bev and I still got together from time to time until one day she told me that she had met a guy and she thought that he might just "be the one" and I wished her well.
The last two years of college I dated maybe a dozen girls and scored with four of them before settling into a relation ship with Pauline French. The one constant during those two years was that Phil tried for every girl I dated, but with no success. At least not until Pauline.
Pauline and I were getting along really well and I began to think that we might have something that would last. That is I thought it until I had to leave town to attend a funeral. I got back a day early and headed over to Pauline's to let her know I was back and see if she wanted to do anything that night. I got there just in time to see her get into Phil's Firebird. I followed them to the Landing Strip Lounge and watched as they drank and danced and I was parked two rows behind them as they tongue wrestled. I don't know if it went any farther because I left. Point to Phil, but I guessed I was still ahead where points were concerned.
I was back two days before Pauline called and asked me why she hadn't heard from me.
"You were so busy with Phil Reed that I didn't want to bother you. Take care Pauline" and I hung up on her.
She didn't let it go at that and a day later she caught me in the student book store and asked me what was wrong. I told her about my coming back early and seeing her with Phil.
"So what? It was just a date."
I explained my relationship with Phil and told her that once she had allowed Phil to touch her she was history.
"That's not fair Rob. All we did was neck a little. Nothing else happened."
"That's not what Phil is saying. See you around Pauline."
Of course Phil had to rub it in. One day he asked me how Pauline and I were getting along and I snarled at him:
"As if you didn't already know."
"Hey Rob; don't use that tone of voice with me. It isn't my fault that you can't hold onto your woman."
I gave him a nasty look and walked away from him.
Graduation came and finally Phil was out of my life. I took a job with XYZ Industries and they moved me to their Chicago office. Last I heard of Phil he had moved to Boston to take a job.
Five years went by and while I dated a lot I never met a girl who made me want to consider a long term relationship.
I had always been into cars. Not racing or muscle cars or anything like that, but I liked working on them. I bought older cars and worked on them to get them in good shape and then sold them to get the money to buy the next one. I would put twenty-five percent of the sale price into savings and when I had enough I would buy a CD. I had a pretty comfortable nest egg built up against the day I might find that 'special lady' and get married.
Needing a place to work on the cars I decided to buy a house with an attached garage. I found a nice three bedroom with an attached two car garage that I could afford and I took out a thirty year mortgage and became a home owner. So my life was pretty much work, date once or twice a week and work on my car of the moment.
I did have one other activity. Every Wednesday night I played poker with four of the guys I worked with. It was a progressive game in that the antes and bets rotated weekly. One week it would be nickel, dime and quarter and the next week it would go to dime, quarter and half. The third week it would be half, dollar and two dollars and then it went back to nickel, dime and quarter. Don't ask me why it was that way; it just was the way it was when they invited me to join them. The deal rotated and there was a three raise limit.
We rotated hosting the game so once every five weeks the game was held at my place. The host provided the refreshments which usually consisted of beer, chips and dips. There were never any big winners because all five of us were conservative players.
I had just celebrated my fifth year with the company when Phillip Reed came back into my life. XYZ bought out the company Phil worked for. His position was eliminated, but he was offered a spot in Chicago if he was willing to move. He chose to take the move and fate put him in the same division I was in.
His first day on the job he spotted me and came over smiling. "Hey Rob, good to see you" he said as he extended his hand. "How have you been?"
A little on the wary side I took his hand and shook it and said, "Pretty good and you?"
"Could be better. Hated being uprooted in Boston and having to make the move, but you know how it is. Mans got to do what a mans got to do."
"You two know each other?" Frank Corbin asked.
"Hell yes" Phil said, "We went to grade school, middle school, high school and college together."
"Great" Frank said. "That will make settling in a lot easier for you. It's always nice to have some one around that you know when you are starting out."
I did not take Phil's greeting and glad handing at face value because I doubted that his feeling toward me had changed. I didn't worry about it though because there wouldn't be any competition between us. We were in the same division, but in different departments. He was in Procurement and I was in Quality Assurance so we would not be competing for promotions and I didn't date any of the women where I worked so he couldn't do anything there. Besides, I saw the wedding ring on his hand. I might have to worry about him sticking a nail under one of my tires in the parking lot, but I didn't really think that likely. With no areas to compete in I figured that I had no worries.
I had forgotten about the poker games.
How Phil found out about them I had no idea, but he did find out and he found out I was a member of the group. He started dropping hints to Dave, Frank, Mel and Sam about how much he liked to play poker and eventually Mel mentioned that it wouldn't hurt to have some fresh blood in the game and one night Mel asked the rest of us if it would be all right to invite Phil to join us. I wasn't in favor of it, but I kept quiet because everyone else was okay with it.
It was obvious to me from the first night he joined us that I was his target. While I and the others played conservatively Phil was a little on the reckless side when he got into a hand where I was betting. If I bet he would call regardless of his hand and try to outdraw me. He never seemed to understand that if I bet or called a bet I had a good hand. If I didn't have the cards I folded. If the game was five card draw, jacks or better to open and I didn't have at least jacks and some one else opened I threw in the hand.
He did manage to outdraw me occasionally and of course it was in the cards (no pun intended) that he would be dealt good hands with the same frequency as the rest of us.
The fifth night he played with us I was the host. As always happened before the game started the guys wanted to see my latest project. It was a Honda Prelude with a clean interior and an absolutely cherry body. The problems with it were a seized engine and four bald tires. I found a new engine, still in the factory crate, on craigslist.com and had picked up four new tires from the Goodyear dealer. The tires were already on the car and the engine was on my engine hoist ready to drop into the car.
"What do you think you can get for it" Sam asked.
"I've got thirty-six hundred into it and I should be able to get five and a half out of it."
Frank said, "Let me know when you are done with it. I'm looking for a good car for my daughter. I would get the 'good friend' discount, right?"
"I'll let you have it for five."
The game that night was typical. If I bet Phil would always call. In seven card stud he would stay until the last card if I was still in the hand unless he had absolutely nothing to work with after the first five or six cards. In five card stud he would stay until the fourth card if none of the cards he was holding would beat what I had showing even if he might have paired up and in five card draw he would always stay until after the draw and even then he wouldn't drop out unless he couldn't beat jacks since it was always jacks or better to open.
He did have his good nights, but the night at my place wasn't one of them. He never won a hand against me and as I remember it he never won a pot all night. The next day at work Frank asked me what was it with Phil.
"He says he loves to play poker, but he doesn't play for shit. If I didn't know better I would think he was just playing to try and beat you."
"He always was a little weird back in school. We competed against each other in almost everything. I guess he is just trying to relive those days. It's no big deal."
The next week the game was at Phil's place. We were introduced to Phil's wife Sherri and we sat down to play as Sherri set out the refreshments on a long folding table and then she disappeared.
I had a lucky night. I won an average of one out of every three hands and in every hand that I won Phil stayed with me all the way to the end. One hand I bet, he raised and I just called. It was five card draw and I two cards. He took one. I bet, he raised, I raised him back and he took the third raise. I called and he smiled as he put down two pair – aces over jacks. The smile disappeared when I put down my three sevens. Another hand, seven card stud, he bet and I called. I had a seven of spades and a five of clubs showing and he had a pair of queens up. I had a six of spades and an eight of diamonds in the hole and with three cards to go I had a damned good chance to pull a straight or a flush. The fifth card was a nine of hearts which gave me my straight. My sixth card was a jack of spades so I had nothing worth spit showing. My last card was a three of spades which also gave me a flush.
Phil only had the queens showing along with an eight and a two so it was possible that he could have had a hidden full house, but I doubted it. I knew he didn't have four queens because Sam had a queen in his hand and between the five hands still showing I could account for almost all of the eights and at least two of the deuces. He could have had a pair in the hole from the git go and matched them on the last card, but knowing Phil as well as I did I knew that he would have been betting his ass off if he had two pair in the first four cards.
I know Phil was figuring me for two pair so when Frank checked and I bet Phil raised. Sam called and every one else folded. I raised Phil and he raised me right back. Sam threw in his hand and since three raises were the limit I could only call. Phil turned over the third queen and then I decided to be an asshole. I said:
"Help me out here guys. I don't know what I should do." I laid all seven of my cards out and said, "Should I used the straight to beat him or should I use the flush?"
The guys all laughed and Phil snarled, "Fucking asshole."
By then it was a quarter to ten and our rule was that since we all worked the next day ten o'clock was quitting time for the game. Frank was dealing and he called five card draw, jacks or better progressive. In progressive you start out needing jacks or better to open and if no one has jacks then the next hand dealt requires queens and if no one has queens it goes to kings and if no one has kings it goes back to jacks and it just keeps on going until some one can open. The pot builds because you have to ante for each hand.
It was on the third time for queens or better that I caught a pair of kings and opened. Every one called and I took three cards on the draw. Sam took one, Dave took one, Frank drew three and Mel threw his hand in and Phil drew two. I caught a third king and a pair of fours. Since I opened I bet, Sam called, Frank and Dave threw their hands in and Phil raised. I raised him back and Sam folded. Phil made the third raise and I called and then Phil laughed and said:
"I've got you this time Rob. Care to make it really interesting?"
"I called your raise Phil; just put your cards down."
"What's the matter Rob? You never used to back down from me."
"What do you have in mind?"
"The car you are working on against a weekend with my wife."
The rest of the guys looked at him stunned as I said, "You have to be kidding."
Frank said, "Are you nuts? This is just supposed to be a friendly penny ante game not a high stakes casino."
This is between Rob and me Frank. How about it Rob. You going to back down?"
I looked at him and made two quick decisions. I looked at the guys and said: