The best piece of ass I've ever had – without a doubt – was a grudge fuck brought on by my being stupid and yes, there is a story behind it.
The story starts in the seventh grade on the playground after school. A bunch of us got together to play a pick up game of softball. It was the fourth inning and I was on first when Norm Snieder hit a single to center. I took off for second and saw Harry Sort pick up the ball and throw it toward Phil Reed who was playing second base. I saw that it was going to be close so I slid into second and when Phil tried to tag me he moved into my way and my slide took his legs out from under him. As he went down I saw the ball drop and roll toward right field and I got up and ran to third just barely beating the throw.
Two innings later Phil was on second when Billy Neubert hit one to center and when Phil saw that Mike Liss wasn't going to get to it in time he broke toward me at third and even though the throw went to home to keep him from scoring Phil slid into third with his feet high intending to take me down. I stepped aside, but then Phil deliberately rolled sideways to hit me. I saw it coming so I pulled up my legs and dropped onto Phil with one knee going into his stomach and the other going into his crotch.
From that day forward Phil and I were not even close to being friends. From that day forward Phil always tried to get back at me one way or another. A month later on Halloween he soaped the windows on my dad's car and toilet papered the tree in front of our house, but my dad caught him and made him clean up the mess while I sat on the front porch and laughed at him.
We went out for basketball and in every drill or practice game Phil would get on the other side and foul me every chance he got. The coaches caught on and as a result he didn't make the team as a starter, but he did ride the bench where I smiled at him every time I made a basket or blocked a shot.
When we went out for football it was the same. He was always on the other side when we scrimmaged and we had many a collision. He got in a few good licks, but knowing him like I did I knew what he would probably do and I was usually ready for him and managed to get in a few licks of my own. The coaches saw it, but unlike the basketball coaches they saw it as good aggressive behavior and they let it go on. We both made the team, Phil on defense and me on offence, but I got to have a laugh at his expense when we were elected co-captains. It was the first time in school history that the team didn't have just one captain and it ground on him that he didn't have the honor solo.
Academically we were about equal. He was a little better than I was in English and History, but I had him in Math and Science. It didn't surprise me that when I joined the chess club he followed suit. Whenever I was matched up with him he was as intense as could be, but he didn't really have the mindset for chess and he was never able to beat me.
I did have to give him his due. I joined the debating team and he followed along. Every time we went head to head he trashed me although no one else ever did.
Naturally the animosity carried over into our social lives. If I showed interest in a girl Phil also went after her. We were about fifty/fifty in that area although I did one up him at prom time. I knew who I wanted to take and I knew that as soon as it became known Phil would be after her also so I let it slip in his hearing that I was going to ask Nancy Wilde and sure enough he went right after her and as soon as Nancy said yes and Phil was committed I asked Beverly Holbrook and she said yes.
I got the last laugh on that one. At one of the after prom parties that we attended Nancy kneed Phil in the balls, called him an asshole and asked Punky Baggett to give her a ride home. Bev and I proceeded to give each other our cherries and started a relationship that lasted until our second year in college. By then we both realized that although we liked each other a lot we were not really meant for each other. From the time I took her to the prom Phil kept coming onto Bev every time he caught her alone. She told me about it and I explained my relationship with Phil. Bev said:
"I can have some fun if you don't mind."
"What do you mean?"
"He doesn't know that we have decided to just be friends."
"So the next time he hits on me I'll say yes and go out with him. If you are right he will brag about stealing me away from you and when he does I'll shoot him through the grease."
And that is just what happened. Phil caught her alone in the student cafeteria, took his shot and Bev said:
"I suppose one date won't hurt as long as you promise to never let Rob find out."
They dated four times and on the fourth date after a heavy make out session Bev gave him a hand job. Phil responded just like we thought he would. One night he took Bev to a party that I did not attend and he bragged to a couple of people that he had taken her away from me and that she had the screaming hots for him. One of the girls who had heard him bragging asked Bev if it was true. Bev laughed and said:
"Hell no. Rob and I had an argument and I dated Phil to spite him. Rob found out about the date with Phil and told me he didn't want any more to do with me. I'm only with Phil until something better comes along. I doubt Phil could take any girl away from anyone. He's not a bad kissed, but he is a bit lacking if you know what I mean."
"I felt sorry for him one night and gave him a hand job or I guess I should say a finger job."
"A finger job?"
Bev giggled and held up her thumb and forefinger and made an up and down jacking motion. The other girl laughed and in twenty-four hours the story had made the rounds that Phil came up short in the joystick department. It wasn't true of course and any girl that Phil had scored with would know it as would the guys who had shared the showers and locker room with him. He was about the same as ninety percent of us – just average. Did I feel bad about sort of being part of starting the rumor? Not at all. Given all of the shit I got from Phil I didn't feel bad at all.
Phil never approached Bev again. Bev and I still got together from time to time until one day she told me that she had met a guy and she thought that he might just "be the one" and I wished her well.
The last two years of college I dated maybe a dozen girls and scored with four of them before settling into a relation ship with Pauline French. The one constant during those two years was that Phil tried for every girl I dated, but with no success. At least not until Pauline.
Pauline and I were getting along really well and I began to think that we might have something that would last. That is I thought it until I had to leave town to attend a funeral. I got back a day early and headed over to Pauline's to let her know I was back and see if she wanted to do anything that night. I got there just in time to see her get into Phil's Firebird. I followed them to the Landing Strip Lounge and watched as they drank and danced and I was parked two rows behind them as they tongue wrestled. I don't know if it went any farther because I left. Point to Phil, but I guessed I was still ahead where points were concerned.
I was back two days before Pauline called and asked me why she hadn't heard from me.
"You were so busy with Phil Reed that I didn't want to bother you. Take care Pauline" and I hung up on her.
She didn't let it go at that and a day later she caught me in the student book store and asked me what was wrong. I told her about my coming back early and seeing her with Phil.
"So what? It was just a date."
I explained my relationship with Phil and told her that once she had allowed Phil to touch her she was history.
"That's not fair Rob. All we did was neck a little. Nothing else happened."
"That's not what Phil is saying. See you around Pauline."
Of course Phil had to rub it in. One day he asked me how Pauline and I were getting along and I snarled at him:
"As if you didn't already know."
"Hey Rob; don't use that tone of voice with me. It isn't my fault that you can't hold onto your woman."
I gave him a nasty look and walked away from him.
Graduation came and finally Phil was out of my life. I took a job with XYZ Industries and they moved me to their Chicago office. Last I heard of Phil he had moved to Boston to take a job.
Five years went by and while I dated a lot I never met a girl who made me want to consider a long term relationship.
I had always been into cars. Not racing or muscle cars or anything like that, but I liked working on them. I bought older cars and worked on them to get them in good shape and then sold them to get the money to buy the next one. I would put twenty-five percent of the sale price into savings and when I had enough I would buy a CD. I had a pretty comfortable nest egg built up against the day I might find that 'special lady' and get married.
Needing a place to work on the cars I decided to buy a house with an attached garage. I found a nice three bedroom with an attached two car garage that I could afford and I took out a thirty year mortgage and became a home owner. So my life was pretty much work, date once or twice a week and work on my car of the moment.
.... There is more of this story ...