One day not long ago I was online, surfing the "sexy" chatrooms on AOL, as I sometimes guiltily do. I honestly had no idea what was in store for me, when I first ran across my niece's screen name in a chat room called "truth or dare."

Let me give you a little background. I'm an openly bisexual single woman, currently recovering from a 10 year long relationship with another woman that fell apart due to her discomfort with what, I admit, are some rather unconventional "kinks" of mine - not quite conventional even by "lesbian" standards. More on this later.

My given name is Maria, but I go by Mary in most circles, except for family. I'm not a goddess but I stay in shape (perhaps I've got an unwanted 20 lbs on my thighs), I'm a bit "butch," but I'm no dyke, because I'm also a successful mid-level manager at a major accountancy. I have no children and currently I'm not in a relationship. I'm married to my job, as they say. This is what I tell people, and then I always add, as a joke, that it's a much better marriage than my first one (which lasted 2 years straight out of high school). I have a younger brother named Daniel, and we're actually quite close, in strictly platonic terms.

Daniel is a successful architect, but divorced his wife 6 years ago. Until last year, his daughter Rocio (or Rocy as she likes to be called) lived with her mom, Daniel's ex, Patricia. But when Patricia got involved with another man, things between her and Rocy became increasingly difficult, until finally, last summer, Rocy asked to live with her dad instead. Things were a bit traumatic at first - not just because Patricia had such a hard time letting go (they don't live close enough to together for there to be a convenient "weekend custody" arrangement), but also because Daniel had some serious ambivalence about being single parent, too. He was worried he'd not be home enough for his daughter, that she'd be lonely at his out-of-town home, etc.

The consequence is that he's leaned on me heavily to be Rocy's surrogate "mom" since she moved in, especially because I live only about 30 minutes from where Daniel does. So Rocy and I have actually become quite close, and, surprisingly we have an almost sisterly rapport between us at this point. Rocy recently turned 14, and I can proudly say that I coached her through her first date, about 4 months ago - a cute, innocent evening with a boy to a school dance that was eventless but good for both of their self-esteem.

Anyway ... Rocy has her own computer, in her room, and she's pretty much been given free reign on the internet. Rocy is for the most part pretty darn mature, and Daniel has, after consultation with me, developed a pretty good, "I'll trust you and respect your privacy" policy with her. This developed over time, somewhat in fits in starts, but the clincher was when, about 2 months after she moved, I guess Daniel found (quite accidentally) some pornography on Rocy's computer. After an initial explosion, he called me up and asked me what he should do. I said that he should remember when he was 13, and focus on developing trust on the one hand, and make sure she knows how to behave safely online, on the other.

Apparently after a long, awkward conversation, he succeeded in convincing Rocy that a) he hadn't been snooping intentionally, and b) she wasn't in trouble for looking at dirty pictures, but that c) she needed to understand there should be limits on her online activity, and that she had to behave in a safe and responsible manner. As a gesture of trust, he took away the "parental controls" limitations to her AOL account, and promised never to look on her computer without her permission (not that he'd been doing so this time - she'd explicitly asked him to fix something on her machine).

In exchange, Rocy promised never to do anything online that would ever a) reveal her identity to a stranger or b) be illegal. I think he agreed to allow stretching of the boundaries to the extent that in the case of the latter, she was allowed to be online as an "adult" - thus if she chose to find and download pictures or whatever she chose he wouldn't consider it against the rules as long as it was "adult-legal."

I think it was a very mature arrangement, overall, although perhaps Daniel had allowed more freedoms than I'd instinctively have given my own hypothetical daughter. But in retrospect she's handled it pretty well, and, in some ways I've even felt jealousy when I compare to my own restricted adolescence. All of which is to say, Rocy wasn't in any way "in trouble" when I "caught" her in a sex-oriented chatroom on AOL.

Nevertheless, I was surprised. The first time I saw her in the room, I recognized her screenname ("plywoodstarship" - very clever compared to my own lame screenname) because we'd exchanged emails before.

I recoiled at the thought of my 14 year old niece chatting around in the smut pits known as the AOL Special Interests category, since I knew, from many conversations with her, that she was basically pretty darn innocent - at least in experiential terms. So the first time I saw her, I made no effort to contact her. But I couldn't shake a certain degree of curiosity. Especially given that that was actually a chat room that I'd had "fun" in myself, a few times in the past. I guess I was intrigued. But I said nothing to her when I saw her several days after I'd seen her, though I looked at her from the corner of my eye with renewed curiosity. And I certainly didn't mention it to my brother.

Nevertheless, I did what any nosy, curious person would do - I added her name to my buddy list, and occasionally "checked up" on her. I saw her in "truth or dare" a few more times, and in "at home for dares" which definitely made me curious what she was up to. But I didn't have the courage myself to inquire about it. Or the better part of discretion won out, at least for a while.

Several weeks later, however, I was in a lonely (read: horny) mood and when I saw her in a new chatroom (something like "bored and braless" this time), I couldn't resist. Admittedly, the several glasses of wine I'd had didn't help with my sense of discretion, either.

So I sent her an ill-advised IM: "gotcha! where's your bra? hi - it's your aunt mary." To which her predictable response was to immediately log off - or else she placed me on "ignore" - which looks like logging off in AOL.

"Shit, now I've blown it," I thought to myself. The poor girl was probably thinking she was in trouble for sure.

I was just starting to feel really horribly about what I'd done, when an IM message appeared on my screen. It was Rocy. I like to "log" my IM sessions (because I'm a horny old broad who likes to savor and remember the little bits of online action she can occasionally get). As a result, I have a record of the entire conversation, and all the subsequent ones. As I relate this story, moving forward, you'll see that these logs themselves came to have a role in how things developed. But for now, I'll just insert the actual log and let you see what got said, typos and all.

plywoodstarship: sorry, aunt maria. i realized it was imature of me to run away but u realy scared me i hope ur not mad at the room i was in

marybcrazy1965: no no dear, i'm the one who's sorry - i shouldn't have "snuck up on you" that way

plywoodstarship: it's ok. im really embarassed tho

plywoodstarship: almost as much was when dad found that stuff on my comp

marybcrazy1965: lol don't be embarrassed darling

marybcrazy1965: and dont worry, i won't tell on you

plywoodstarship: whew thats a relief

marybcrazy1965: but even if he knew i'm sure his only concern would be if you were being safe or not plywoodstarship: dont worry i never give even my real name to ppl online

plywoodstarship: or send pics either

plywoodstarship: its just fun to chat sometimes

marybcrazy1965: i would definitely agree with you there lol

plywoodstarship: lol theres a lot of weirdos online but sometimes someone cool says hi

marybcrazy1965: do i count as someone cool?

plywoodstarship: actually ya u do

plywoodstarship: ur pretty cool

marybcrazy1965: that's sweet of you say rocy

plywoodstarship: np

plywoodstarship: i realized u wouldnt be mad after i logged off

marybcrazy1965: it was very mature of you to come back on an apologize

marybcrazy1965: once again you've impressed me. you're pretty sharp.

plywoodstarship: aww shucks :-)

plywoodstarship: so u dont think the room i was in is stupid

marybcrazy1965: lol no did you make it up yourself?

plywoodstarship: ya

marybcrazy1965: it was clever

plywoodstarship: i wouldnt call that

plywoodstarship: *it

marybcrazy1965: i confess i've seen you in other rooms before but i never said anything

marybcrazy1965: even your aunt mary gets shy sometimes

plywoodstarship: lol

plywoodstarship: omg what rooms did u see me in

marybcrazy1965: truth or dare

marybcrazy1965: and something else about dares

plywoodstarship: ok

marybcrazy1965: lol nothing embarrassing about any of those, as far as i'm concerned

marybcrazy1965: there's far worse online

plywoodstarship: that's for sure lol

plywoodstarship: u ever go in chatrooms

marybcrazy1965: definitely been known to happen

plywoodstarship: lol

plywoodstarship: like what ones?

marybcrazy1965: um ... i've been in the truth or dare room a few times

plywoodstarship: really?

marybcrazy1965: sure

plywoodstarship: u actually played?

marybcrazy1965: sure though not in the room

plywoodstarship: oh like in im u mean

plywoodstarship: thats what i do to

plywoodstarship: gets to confusing in the room

marybcrazy1965: exactly lol

plywoodstarship: wow my aunt mary plays truth or dare online

plywoodstarship: lol

marybcrazy1965: :blush: you've found me out

plywoodstarship: lol

plywoodstarship: its kinda weird to find out something like that about someone u kno

marybcrazy1965: the feeling's mutual, rocy

plywoodstarship: lol

plywoodstarship: ya i confess i never really did very many dares

plywoodstarship: sometimes i sorta pretend

plywoodstarship: do u really do them?

marybcrazy1965: mostly yes

plywoodstarship: wow whats the worst dare u did

marybcrazy1965: probably shouldn't talk about that darling

plywoodstarship: comeon

plywoodstarship: now i'm curious

marybcrazy1965: actually it gets embarrassing even for me

plywoodstarship: really

plywoodstarship: u always seemed beyond embarasment

marybcrazy1965: not sure if thats a complement or not

plywoodstarship: lol

plywoodstarship: its a compliment

plywoodstarship: ur mycoolest aunt especially now

marybcrazy1965: thanks

plywoodstarship: pleeze tell me what dares u did

marybcrazy1965: it's just not really appropriate, rocy

plywoodstarship: they were like dirty dares huh

marybcrazy1965: yes. personal

plywoodstarship: lol ok ill leave u alone

plywoodstarship: i think dad's calling me to dinner

marybcrazy1965: ok darling. i should go too

plywoodstarship: ya ok

plywoodstarship: lol i guess ill see u round

marybcrazy1965: take care

plywoodstarship: u too bye

After that conversation, for the next several weeks, I confess that I began using a different screenname, out of a definite self-consciousness with respect to my niece's online presence. Yet I added her screenname to my new screen name's "buddy list" and continued to "spy" on Rocy, out of an enduring curiosity.

Naturally, I began to feel very guilty and hypocritical, as she continued from that first conversation to appear in various chat rooms, including the ones already mentioned and others on similar themes. Perhaps the most surprising was one time I "caught" her in a room called "dau no bra" - which made me wonder, indeed, what kind of fantasy life my "innocent" niece had.

Finally, one night, feeling I'd been rather hypocritical, and also feeling a bit reckless, I logged on under my "regular" screenname, and, despite seeing Rocy was online (although not in a chatroom at the time), I went ahead and marched into one of my personal favorites, "at home for dares." Only a few minutes went by before I received an IM from my niece. The conversation wasn't very long, but it set the mood for our future encounters. It went as follows.

plywoodstarship: what kind of dare u want, aunt mary?

marybcrazy1965: oh my. hi rocy

plywoodstarship: hi. i'm soo bored

plywoodstarship: did u get any good dares yet

marybcrazy1965: not a one. i just got online

plywoodstarship: me too

plywoodstarship: so seriously u want a dare

marybcrazy1965: lol probably shouldn't darling

plywoodstarship: what just cuz i'm ur niece

marybcrazy1965: more because you're 14, rocy

marybcrazy1965: you should find someone your own age to chat with

plywoodstarship: aww thats lame

plywoodstarship: mostly i chat with older ppl

marybcrazy1965: you do?

plywoodstarship: kids my age that ive met online r either stupid or boring or both

marybcrazy1965: really

plywoodstarship: def

marybcrazy1965: def?

plywoodstarship: as in definately

plywoodstarship: or definitely i really do kno how to spell

marybcrazy1965: i know you do

plywoodstarship: lol

plywoodstarship: so y cant i give u a dare?

marybcrazy1965: just makes me a bit uncomfortable darling

plywoodstarship: lol i bet ud be more fun than most of the lamers online

marybcrazy1965: i'm flattered you think so

plywoodstarship: u want to give me a dare instead

plywoodstarship: i came into ur chatroom

marybcrazy1965: lol you're certainly persistent

plywoodstarship: try bored outta my gored

plywoodstarship: or however thats spellet

plywoodstarship: *spelled

marybcrazy1965: i understood

marybcrazy1965: don?t worry about it

plywoodstarship: r u sure u wont play with me

marybcrazy1965: sorry hun? I just don?t feel comfortable about it

plywoodstarship: argh

plywoodstarship: ok ill talk to u latr

marybcrazy1965: bye darling

plywoodstarship: bye

Rocy's screenname soon disappeared - presumably, she'd gone offline - I doubted that she was hiding from me at that point. Later that same evening, I'd wandered into into another room I enjoy - "walked in and saw." Suddenly, Rocy's name appeared and within seconds she'd sent me another IM.

plywoodstarship: whats that room ur in about?

marybcrazy1965: uh...

marybcrazy1965: people who have been walked in on, or have walked in on another, in "compromising" situations

plywoodstarship: lol compromising

plywoodstarship: so what happened to u

marybcrazy1965: nothing darling. i just hang out here

plywoodstarship: nothing? u never got cot doin something

plywoodstarship: or cot someone

marybcrazy1965: no

plywoodstarship: how boring

plywoodstarship: so what do u chat abt in there

marybcrazy1965: other people sometimes have interesting stories

plywoodstarship: lol oh ok

plywoodstarship: i spose in a weird kinda way that time my dad found

those things on my comp was like getting cot

marybcrazy1965: thats true

plywoodstarship: i cant believe nothing ever happened like that to u

plywoodstarship: ive been nearly cot naked a few times

marybcrazy1965: you have?

plywoodstarship: ya

plywoodstarship: twice by dad once at school

marybcrazy1965: how could have been caught naked at school?

plywoodstarship: lol it was a dare

plywoodstarship: i was in the girls room hehe

marybcrazy1965: oh my

marybcrazy1965: what an interesting life you lead

plywoodstarship: lol ya

plywoodstarship: n one time dad nearly cot me u kno what

marybcrazy1965: what?

plywoodstarship: u kno

plywoodstarship: i was playin w myself one time when i thot i was home alone

plywoodstarship: turns out dad was in the garage n came into the living room

marybcrazy1965: you were in the living room? why?

plywoodstarship: lol i thot i was alone

plywoodstarship: the couch was comfy

marybcrazy1965: lol ok

plywoodstarship: i heard him coming in n pulled a blanket over me n pretended to be asleep

marybcrazy1965: close call

plywoodstarship: ya

marybcrazy1965: i'll confess, i have had a few experiences like that

marybcrazy1965: i've never told anyone, ever