Adam and Eve's First Time

by JackassTales

Caution: This Humor Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa, Consensual, Historical, First, Exhibitionism, .

Desc: Humor Sex Story: This is an interpretation of the events which transpired when the earth’s first man and woman are suddenly thrown together and told to “Go forth and multiply!” Without any direction, this confused couple clumsily stumbles through the awkward mechanics of copulation

Biblical and historical accounts of Adam and Eve's early relationship are very sketchy. This imprecise information leaves much for the imagination to fill in. This tale is my interpretation of the events which transpired when the earth's first man and woman are suddenly thrown together and told to "Go forth and multiply!" Without any direction or even an instruction manual, this confused couple clumsily stumbles through the awkward mechanics of carnal copulation. At times it might seem like the human race is doomed before it even has a chance to get off the ground. Following orders from the Almighty himself, Adam and Eve have to figure out a way to 'get it up and get it in'. To paraphrase an old Simon & Garfunkel song; 'You'll hear words you never heard in the bible'. Hopefully, my story won't be considered blasphemous babbling by any of our bible-toting brethren who might read it.

Alone was I, walking aimlessly through the green pastures and meadows, when upon a forested glen I did come. Seeing no harm in it, I entered the shadowy realm for a little exploratory expedition.

Soon I realized I must be careful of the myriad array of briars and brambles which could rip and tear uncovered skin. I began thinking about how lucky animals were to have fur or hair for skin protection. The only furry hair covering I had on my body was on the top of my head and between my legs.

I made up a word for my unclothed predicament. I called it 'nudity'. Yep, I was as nude as the day the Creator made me! This is what I did for a living. I gave a name to 'things' which had no name before.

Truth be told, one of the first things I named was the long, dangly appendage hanging down between my legs. The word 'cock' came to my mind and I decided to stay with it. I believe I came up with the name when I'd named the 'rooster'. Those horny cacklers wake up early in the morning and crow like hell! The cock between my legs was the same way. Early in the morning it did rise and the only way I'd discover to tame its demanding crowing was to pump it vigorously with my hand until it shot out a load of milky cream. A side benefit to this exercise was that it felt pretty damn good doing it!

As I continued walking along, the trees, bushes, and briars thinned out and soon I found myself on the edge of a beautiful garden. I was awestruck by its magnificence and bounty. Right then and there, I decided to name the place 'Eden'.

So amazed was I by the wonders of Eden, I didn't immediately hear the soothing, angelic singing coming from behind a tree. Finally, I heard the melodious tones. With my curiosity aroused, I crept forward to investigate.

Talking about being aroused! Why, as soon as my eyes beheld the sight of the wondrous creature standing there, the cock between my legs became swollen and fully erect!

Nude like me, the enchanting vision had shapes and curves which were stimulating my loins in a way I'd never known before. For some curious reason I had an irresistible urge to mate with the exotic being.

Where in the world this fascinating life form had come from, I couldn't say. Since the being was standing up on legs like mine, I decided this must be a female version of me. I had been calling myself a 'man', so I would call this creature a 'woman'. Woe is me as a man because I've fallen head-over-heels in love with her seductively erotic body.

Touching a tender place in my side where a rib had been removed, I recalled something the Almighty had said about making me a companion and playmate for life. Perhaps this feminine apparition was it.

The woman bent over to pick some berries from a bush. Posed as she was, I realized her body was so picture-perfect a visual image of the word 'playmate' was stuck in my mind and in my eyes.

Stepping out from behind the tree, I walked towards the woman. I had a hypnotic urge to touch her, but I kept my hands to myself. Speaking softly, I said, "Hi there, woman. How are you? Do you have a name? If not, I can give you one. It's my job, if you care to know."

Startled, the woman turned, smiled, and answered, "Hi yourself, Mister. I'm fine. I've been wondering when you'd be coming along. Yes, I have a name. God told me to call myself 'Eve'. You must be the famous 'Adam' he's told me about?"

"Yes ma'am, Adam is my name," I responded. "I'm very happy to meet you, Eve. God has only told me a few things about you. Hell, he didn't mention anything about how beautifully sexy you would be!"

Eve looked at me disapprovingly and sternly admonished, "Adam, we're not supposed to use the word 'Hell' because we come from a place called 'Heaven'!"

"Now woman!" I said firmly. "Don't you start pestering me about my language! Next thing I know, you'll be telling me I can't drink or smoke!"

Looking at me with a frown on her face, Eve asked, "Do you really drink and smoke, Adam? God told me you were a 'good' man with no vices!"

"Miss Eve, don't you fret," I said. "I was just kidding. I don't drink. I don't smoke and I don't chew and I don't go with girls that do!"

Eve giggled at my feeble attempt at humor. Taking my hand, she led me over to a grassy nook near a quiet-running stream. We talked a little while and had a snack made from nuts, berries, and fruit.

Unashamedly, I was giving Eve's body a good hard look. This woman had a head full of long, curly hair. She had a thin bush of curly hair between her legs. Below her bush, long, well-tapered legs ran all the way down to barefooted feet. Upon her chest sat two magnificent mammary orbs.

The melon-shaped ornaments decorating Eve's chest had an alluring, inviting attraction for both my hands and my mouth. My hands wanted to play with them and my mouth wanted to suckle the feminine fruit. There at the tip of each perfect sphere was a protruding, pink nub.

Without asking for Eve's permission or consent, I began playing with the feminine objects I so desired. She didn't seem to mind, so I played to my heart's content. My mind began to think up names I could give to these mesmerizing mounds. I had a couple of words in particular in mind.

Eve beat me to the punch. Smiling contently, she said, "Adam, do you like my girls? I'm not exactly sure about what to call them, but I've come up with two names to choose from. I like the word 'breasts' and the word 'tits'. I can't decide between them. Which one of them do you like better, Adam?"

"Damn, Eve!" I answered with mischievously teasing distress. "I'm having trouble choosing myself because I like your right one just as much as the left one! They're both beautiful girls!"

Shaking her head with annoyance, Eve retorted impatiently, "Silly man, I didn't mean which 'girl' you liked the best! I want to know which name you preferred. Do you like 'tits' or do you like 'breasts'?"

"What's in a name, Eve?" I replied. "A rose by any other name would look and feel as beautifully sweet! How about we keep both names? We'll use 'breasts' on formal occasions like when we are talking to God. I'll say something like, 'God, that's some mighty fine breasts you've given my woman Eve!' And, when we are alone, we'll use 'tits' as a more intimate endearment. I'll say something like, 'Hot damn Eve, your tits are beautiful!' What do you think about that?"

Eve giggled merrily and then proved she too could play the game of mischievousness merriment. "Sounds fine to me," she said. "Mister, you can call them 'breasts' or 'tits' or 'jugs' or 'knockers' or 'boobs' or anything you want just as long as you love them and play with them! You do love them, don't you, Adam? If you do, then you'd better kiss them!"

"Hell yes, I love them!" I answered adamantly. And, kiss those beautiful girls I did. First, one melon-shaped boob felt the oral assault of my tit-hungry roving mouth. The other tit became a victim of a similar attack. Nubile nipples popped to attention against my teeth as my tongue traced kissing circles round and round them.

So violent was my mouth's breast battering, Eve was knocked to her back in the soft grass. A nipple was pulled out of my suckling mouth so violently it caused an audible 'pop'.

Having tasted feminine fruit, I had no intention of stopping now. My flesh-hungry lips explored my woman's silky, soft flesh from head to toe. Her supple lips provided sweet nectar which inflamed the twin fires of passion and love. Eve's abdomen and its bellybutton indentation became playgrounds for my kissing touch.

I flipped Eve over onto her belly and kissed her back, her legs, and the well-endowed fullness of her pretty derriere. 'Derriere'... ? Now where in the world did my mind get this name? This name is too fancy and formal for everyday use. So, I needed a short, intimate name which would convey the stimulating horniness I felt while playing with and kissing this sweet, soft feminine flesh.

When I bent over again to kiss the fullness of this exotic beauty's behind, my erect cock was tickled by the grass beneath her. I liked the feeling of grass under my feet as a walked to and fro barefooted. Yeah, I liked grass and I liked ass. 'Ass'... ? Why this word popped into my head, I couldn't say, but it sounded like a keeper to me.

"Hey, Eve," I said. "Lady, you've got a really nice ass! I like it very much, but I believe the Old Man upstairs gave you a defective one. Why honey, your ass has a crack down the middle splitting it apart!"

Eve giggled with melodious merriment. Flipping over onto her back, she looked at me just as if she were staring at a half-witted man. "Adam," she lectured. "God's ways are mysterious and we're not supposed to question them. Besides, I don't believe my 'ass' is defective because I have a cracked mound on the front side of me, too!"

.... There is more of this story ...

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Story tagged with:
Ma/Fa / Consensual / Historical / First / Exhibitionism /