Hello, Doctor Red. I'm probably the first patient who will say this to you but I've made this appointment with you because I am completely and totally insane.

Yes, I know that isn't the proper word. I just really want to stress to you that I am a deranged lunatic. I promised myself that I'd fuck at least-

Come now, I'm paying you a lot of money for your time. Surely there are bigger things you can help me with than my language.

Ok, I promised myself that I'd have sex with at least one psychologist before I did anything silly like starting a harem. I should reiterate that I am quite insane. I'm not fully sure that we're actually having this conversation. I am hopeful a psychologist is listening to my words but it would not fully surprise me if this nice office is a delusion and I'm wearing a straight jacket.

Thank you, I do prefer to believe I'm in your office. But if I am in an asylum, perhaps the words I think I'm speaking to you are being heard by-

But I digress. I suppose I should consider you tolerant for having ignored my instructions that you call the police on me. Here, I'll make the decision easy for you. A nice little touch here-

But doctor, you have such beautiful breasts! Why wouldn't I be touching them? Besides, it doesn't count as molestation if you still have your shirt on, does it? Still, you really ought to be calling security. I've given you every reason to do so. I do believe you're enjoying this.

And you're not every woman. I picked you specifically because I knew you'd enjoy it. I'm psychic. Or insane. Just in case it's the latter, I'm going to yell really loudly so the other people in the asylum will come by.

Thank you for covering your ears. IF ANYONE CAN HEAR ME, I PLAN TO EXPLAIN WHY I'M SO DELUSIONAL IN FIFTEEN MINUTES OR SO. I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER MENTION IT AGAIN SO YOU SHOULD LISTEN.

Don't worry, I'll tell you why I think you're a delusion, too. You must admit though, letting me lift up your shift while your hands were over your ears is quite strange. I can't imagine it happening in a sane world. And to finish the job for me was certainly a pleasant surprise. I must reiterate, you do have beautiful breasts, Amy.

Come now, I think I can call you by your first name at this point. I mean, we're obviously close enough-

Please don't make light of my delusions. It really isn't funny at all.

Amy, are you sure you shouldn't be seeing a psychiatrist. Mind control doesn't exist.

Ok, it does exist. Just having a little fun with you. You must admit, you're having a lot of fun, too.

Oh come now, it really doesn't do to lie to someone who can read your mind. I wouldn't have picked you out if I didn't think you'd have fun with it. Besides, I haven't even explained why I'm delusional. Do be a dear and cover your ears again. I'm going to scream again, just in case the people in the asylum didn't hear me the first time.

I'M GOING TO EXPLAIN MY DELUSIONS IN ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES. I REPEAT, I'LL EXPLAIN THE SOURCE OF MY DELUSIONS IN FIVE MINUTES.