The Enlightenment of Rose

February 16, 2009

Rose was having great difficulty staying focused in her biology class. The teacher was one of those artifacts in the educational system who seems to be a permanent fixture. Rose imagined that old Mrs. Garner was teaching the same class during her grandmother's school years. She felt a giggle escape when this thought popped into her head. Judy, the cute black girl sitting across from her glanced her way with a quizzical look. Rose shook her head to convey that the giggle was meaningless. Rose continued to gaze at Judy, though she had returned her attention to the incomprehensible drone of Mrs. Garner lecture. Rose had known Judy for over 10 years. They had attended the same schools throughout their childhood and teenage years. She had long been aware of a peculiar fascination she held for Judy. It was a feeling that Rose had tried to dismiss as innocent curiosity, though recently she wondered if this was her brain or her heart speaking. Growing up in a strict religious home, Rose had suffered the typical lack of sexual enlightenment from her parents. The word "sex" had scarcely been heard in her home, except for the vague explanation of "what you should expect on your honeymoon" speech from her mother. This lack of information had only served to magnify Rose's curiosity on the subject. Her parents were scholars and both had achieved advanced degrees in their chosen fields. Rose had inherited this intelligence and motivation for learning. She did not, however share her parents prohibitive few of sex and bodily functions. On the contrary, Rose discovered that she was irresistibly drawn to all things sexual. She found herself continually horny. She spent hours at the library perusing the available reference materials on the subject. When the Internet became available in her school, Rose utilized the library's computer in her searches. However, she soon found that her searches were very limited due to the library's censorship policies and practices. This discovery greatly enraged Rose and only made her more determined to continue her quest. She was familiar with the basics of sex. Through her research, Rose had the general concepts of intercourse, oral sex, and what the experts considered to be the most successful way to achieve orgasm in the shortest time. She felt she had as much book knowledge on the subject as anyone. She had climaxed many time by masturbating in the privacy of her bed and sometimes while taking a shower. Following an orgasm, Rose experienced a brief period of satisfying relaxation. This would only last a few minutes, however, before the intense urges returned. What concerned Rose the most about these insatiable longings was that they became most powerful when she was around other girls. Her fantasies always involved females. When she first began touching herself sexually, she found that she could not become aroused if the subject of her fantasies was male. At the time, she was too young to perceive the implications of this. In recent years, however, Rose had began to wonder if she was a lesbian. Her upbringing had placed very definite taboos on this lifestyle. Her ambiguity concerning sex and dating had no doubt contributed to the fact that she was still a virgin at 19. Though she had felt no attraction to the opposite sex, Rose believed that her sexual urges were stronger than the typical teenage girl. Otherwise, why would her inclination to pursue knowledge on the subject have become an obsession? Rose was familiar with the "locker room talk" when she was attending high school. Most of the girls would be chatting about guys who were "hot" and how they hoped so and so would ask them to the dance. She had never felt a part of the group. Rose recalled that while these conversations were going on, she would be watching with interest but not because of the topic. She had been gazing at the others girls as they dressed and undressed. When one of them was describing how her boyfriend had kissed her or touched her, Rose had sometimes imagined herself as the boy. It occurred to her that this was probably unusual and at times she felt embarrassed about her thoughts. There had been a few occasions when she had been caught while watching other girls. Once she had noticed a beautiful Hispanic girl named Marcie, as she sat in one of the toilet stalls. Marcie apparently was experiencing some difficulty in her efforts. Rose stood in a shower stall and watched her as she periodically grimaced and uttered grunts and moans that to Rose sounded more like sounds of ecstasy than pain. This was the first time she had witnessed another person engaged in such a personal act since bathroom behavior at home had always been extremely private. In fact, Rose found the girl's presence on the toilet somewhat remarkable, since girls as a rule were very shy about the act of pooping in a public place. She was so enthralled by the display that she failed to notice that Marcie had began returning her gaze. Rose looked quickly away, then hurried from the room. She felt her face grow hot and her heart pound as she made her way down the hallway from the girls gym. She felt totally humiliated but also extremely horny! She realized that if word got out about the incident, she wouldn't hear the end of it. School life would be even more hellish than it had been previously. To her knowledge, Rose's sexual preferences were not yet part of the grapevine of school gossip. Her classmates suspecting that she was a lesbian was something that she could conceivably live with. However, Rose felt certain than this recent incident far surpassed the realm of acceptable behavior among her peers. During the remainder of the day she continually replayed the event. Though she remained embarrassed, a peculiar fact begin to emerge concerning Marcie's reaction. Her expression as she met Rose's gaze hadn't conveyed anger or disgust, which one might expect. It occurred to Rose that her own shocked embarrassment had temporarily blinded her to the fact that Marcie had been smiling at her. In fact, the more Rose contemplated this, it seemed to her than the smile had seemed almost flirtatious. This realization caused Rose's heart to began pounding again but for a totally different reason.

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