Subteranian Homesick Blues

by GreenTea

Tags: Humor,

Desc: : Slick Willy goes searching for his lost energy coupler

It all started when our over-heralded star, Slick Willy, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling barely relieved, Slick Willy attacked a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he realized that his beloved Thermal Energy Coupler was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Jim. Slick Willy had known Jim for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Jim was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little ... clueless. Slick Willy called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Jim picked up to a very unhappy Slick Willy. Jim calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras sigh before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually flamboyantly sigh after mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Slick Willy. Why was Jim trying to distract Slick Willy? Because he had snuck out from Slick Willy's with the Thermal Energy Coupler only eight days prior. It was a sassy little Thermal Energy Coupler ... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Slick Willy got back to the subject at hand: his Thermal Energy Coupler. Jim shuddered. Relunctantly, Jim invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Thermal Energy Coupler. Slick Willy grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Jim realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Thermal Energy Coupler and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Slick Willy took the best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan, he had take at least seven minutes before Slick Willy would get there. But if he took the Subterainian Phase vehicle? Then Jim would be barely screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Jim was interrupted by five insensitive Loraxs that were lured by his Thermal Energy Coupler. Jim cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he aimlessly reached for his carrot and aimlessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Subterainian Phase vehicle rolling up. It was Slick Willy.

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Slick Willy was out of the Subterainian Phase vehicle and went explosively jaunting toward Jim's front door. Meanwhile inside, Jim was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Thermal Energy Coupler into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind his time machine. Jim was worried but at least the Thermal Energy Coupler was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in, ' Jim wildly purred. With a inept push, Slick Willy opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling genocidal maniac in a deliciously practical 4-door, ' he lied. 'It's fine, ' Jim assured him. Slick Willy took a seat tragically close to where Jim had hidden the Thermal Energy Coupler. Jim shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Slick Willy was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Jim noticed a annoying look on Slick Willy's face. Slick Willy slowly opened his mouth to speak.

' ... What's that smell?'

Jim felt a stabbing pain in his ear when Slick Willy asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Thermal Energy Coupler right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything... !' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Slick Willy's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh ... dropped 'em by here earlier'. Slick Willy nodded with fake acknowledgement ... then, before Jim could react, Slick Willy skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Thermal Energy Coupler was plainly in view.

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Story tagged with:
Humor /