Maria was an angel; there really was no other way to put it. Well, maybe savior or goddess or something like that, but angel just seemed to fit her better. She was a kind, merciful, loving spirit encased in a lovely body with a gentle face and a beautiful heart. Just when everything in Carrie's life seemed bound, bent and determined to bring her to her knees in agonized surrender and defeat Maria appeared to make it all better which just her presence, her kind words and soft loving touch.
To think now that Carrie had almost shot Maria down when she made her first overtures of friendship was almost unbearable, but it was true. She'd almost missed out on the best thing to ever happen in her life because she didn't know what to say when her beautiful, friendly new neighbor kindly invited over for a coffee that quickly turned into her first real friendship since moving out of her parents house into her brand new apartment a good hundred miles away from everyone and everything she knew. It was for a job and a chance to continue her education on her own time and with her own money at somewhere else besides the crappy party school she'd previously dropped out of.
Not that any of that had anything to do with why she almost said no to Maria when she offered her a cup of coffee and some conversation while they both waited for the only two functioning dryers in their building to be empty. No, that was more because Carrie was just a naturally shy person. In fact, most people who knew her back home would have been shocked to even see her talking to Maria. She was just one of those people that took quite a bit of effort to meet new people and turn them into friends, but there was just something about Maria that made her feel almost instantly comfortable around her from the very first moment they ran into each other as well the many times that followed.
It wasn't that Maria did anything unusual. She just kept on trying until she broke through. It was almost like she actively wanted to befriend Carrie for some reason that Carrie just couldn't fathom. Every time they ran into each other Maria just seemed to find a way to chip away just a little bit more of the wall Carrie put up around herself and Carrie just let her do it. Why? She had no idea, but she did. There was just something about her friendly new neighbor that made Carrie want to let her break down her defenses.
Maybe it was just loneliness brought on by the fact that she was so far away from home. Maybe it was just boredom with her life of classes and slaving away at a job that barely paid her rent and bills most months. Maybe it was just nice to see a friendly face that wasn't checking out her tits or her ass whenever they thought she wasn't looking. She didn't really know, but after about a month of making small talk in the laundry room and exchanging smiles in the hall she began to realize that she actually looked forward to it.
But it wasn't only that. Maria was hardly the only person who made overtures of friendship to Carrie frequently. She was just the only one that even piqued her interests. Even the cute guy who worked at the gas station around the corner who made a habit of flirting with her in nice, low key fashion when she stopped in was usually rewarded with nothing more than a shy smile. Same for Marcus, her co-worker who wasted a lot of time and energy trying to talk her into going out with him after work or any number of men who just couldn't help but try to pick her up no matter how many times she shyly shot them down for reasons that weren't even clear to Carrie herself.
There was just something different about lovely Maria, with her bright green eyes, lovely light brown skin and long, silky looking black hair that made Carrie's heart go all aflutter whenever she even hinted at going to a bar with Carrie in a casual, non-committed fashion. Even when Carrie was sure it was nothing but idle conversation between two twenty something girls she couldn't help but hope that someday they actually would go to a bar or a club together or anywhere really and not just because she was bored or even lonely. No, deep down she knew there was something more, something deeper. Sadly, this feeling scared the crap out of her even though she occasionally got the feeling that she wasn't the only thinking along those lines.
Of course, during moments when Carrie felt like being truly honest with herself, it was pretty easy to see that that feeling, that vague, little hint of mutual attraction was the reason she both feared and desired allowing Maria entry into her life. Not because it was the first she'd had those feelings. In fact, it wasn't even the second or the third. No, Carrie had had those feelings many times before, but only once had she allowed herself to explore those feelings and it had been both the most wonderful and most depressing chapter of her young life. In one beautiful, glorious night she'd discovered what sex was truly all about and at the same time she'd destroyed a lifelong friendship in a way that could never be repaired. It was a memory of both overwhelming joy and deep, dark sadness, but it was a memory Carrie wouldn't have given up for the entire world. Still, she obviously wished it could've ended better, but it hadn't and that fact helped make it hard for her to try and find that good feeling again out of the fear that she'd only destroy another friendship by doing so.
The girl in question, Hanna was her name, had been her best friend for as long as Carrie could remember and they'd shared everything with each other over the many years of their friendship. Hanna had been there through thick and thin. Every event that seems so important when girls are young, every thing that builds those memories people grow to cherish and regret, had been shared between them both. They smoked their first cigarette together(and hated it), their first beer, first joint, skipped their first class and even lost their virginity on the same night, in the same house separated by only one thin wall and both found the experience equally lacking.
And through everything there was always something brewing just below the surface that they both felt, but could never articulate until one night when they were all alone, drunk on Boone's Farms Strawberry Hill reminiscing about the night many years ago, by eighteen year old girl standards, they'd shared their first "practice" kiss laughing about the silliness of it all when it just kind of happened and before Carrie could even register it fully they were kissing once again.
And then again and again and then clothes were being tossed to the floor, kisses moved from softly exploring each other's mouth to kissing and suckling each other's breasts and beyond until they fell asleep in each other's arms pressing their naked bodies together seemingly at peace with what they'd done. It had been the single best night of Carrie's young life and she'd never slept better. Her dreams had been peaceful and everything seemed right with the world until she woke up the next morning to find herself alone.
Still, she'd only been mildly disappointed until she tried calling Hanna only to receive no answer. She even allowed herself to write it all off when Hanna still hadn't answered or returned any of her phone calls a full week later, but when Carrie finally broke down and went to Hanna's house to see what was up Carrie had finally run out of excuses. Hanna, Hanna's mother had told her reluctantly and with more than a bit of sympathy in her voice, didn't want to see Carrie, didn't want to talk to her and didn't want her to call her anymore.
For a moment Carrie had stood there on her best friend's doorstep absolutely stunned while Hanna's mother tried her best to soften the blow until she just turned and walked back to her car completely and totally stunned. She'd even managed to make it halfway home before it finally hit her and the tears began to flow freely and barely stopped for what seemed like days, almost weeks after. In fact, as summer drew to a close and she headed off to her first semester of college she was still not quite right. Even her mother, not usually the most caring parent in the world, had noticed and even tried to find what was wrong to no avail before Carrie headed off to school where she found some small amount of solace by throwing herself into her schoolwork and the softball team while ignoring almost all invitations of friendship for several long months.
It wasn't until her second semester that she finally began to break out of her shell a bit and make friends again. Still, though, that was it. Just friends and nothing more. Even though opportunities to further explore the wonderful aspects of sex that she had discovered with Hanna arose more than once she never allowed it to advance past the flirtation stage. Oh, she'd wanted to more than once, but she could never find the strength to overcome her fear that it would just lead to more heartbreak and sadness and instead she just went without and settled instead for her fingers and toys and the occasional safe, and expected, but incredibly disappointing one night stand with some random, but emotionally safe guy.
Eventually she dropped out of college after her sophomore year, but that didn't put an end to the frustrating boondoggle that was Carrie's sex life. Every time she made friends with another woman it ended terribly as soon as she found herself developing feelings that went beyond friendship or worse sensed the same feelings from another woman. Her relationships with men were hardly different. Every time she "befriended" a man it ended after a night or two of boring, bad sex and then she'd make herself scarce until they got the point and left her alone.
.... There is more of this story ...