Chapter 7: Shadows

I pulled her up to face me and kissed her, quick and sudden, cutting off what she was about to say, showing her my deep and excited desire with my mouth. I'd surprised her and she tensed against me at first, but her resistance faded almost instantly.

I laid her down on the bed beside me, still kissing her as I undressed her. Soon we were both completely nude and she pulled the blanket over us. Our bodies pressed into one another, warm, safe, and secure in her little bed.

I pulled and tweaked at her nipples with my fingers and she glanced down at herself, and then up at me again, as though realizing that she was actually going to be making love. She was in bed naked with a guy, feeling about as excited as a young girl could. I ran my hand down toward her pubic mound; her body tensed beneath my touch. It was very sexy.

My hand fell upon her smooth pink flesh beneath her pubic bone. She was hot, flooded with hormones, and I swirled a finger tip around, coaxing a little more from her. She responded beautifully. Her body tensed once again and her breath caught in her throat. She was biting her lip and moving her body in almost every place. I looked down at her with a sense of awe at the beauty of the female sexual response. She was the picture of raw sensual beauty. She was incredibly turned on and that was gorgeous in my eyes.

I tried to slide a finger in, but she suddenly tensed up all over as soon as I applied pressure to her opening. Her legs snapped shut and her hand grabbed my wrist.

"Ow! What are you doing, Ant?"

She looked at me like I was confused or something. Suddenly I was confused.

"I was just trying to, um, finger you."

"Okay, but you're gonna have to get through my cherry first, and I kinda figured you'd wanna do that with your dick."

"Oh ... Oh! You mean it's right there, on the outside?"

"Take a look for yourself. You can see it right there, covering the opening."

I moved down and looked. She pulled herself open with her fingers and showed me.

"See it?"

I poked it with my finger. It bent inward a little and she flinched.

"Does that hurt?"

"A little."

I poked it again, more tenderly. It was so tiny, so pretty, so pink and pouty. So very wet too.

"It's gotta go sometime. Might as well be today. Might as well be you."

"Thanks, She. I'll try to be as gentle as I can."

I moved back up to lay beside her on the bed and resumed kissing her. I continued caressing her fingertips as well. She shivered and gasped at this, and began gyrating against my touch, moaning softly into my kiss, making my head spin.

I broke the kiss we were locked into and wandered over to lick and nibble at her ears. She turned her face to one side and panted excitedly at this fresh source of excitement. Then I began whispering to her, telling her what I was going to do.

"I'm gonna lick you now, Sheila."

She released a trembling sigh.

"Show me, don't tell me."

So I went down. Down, down, down, kissing and teasing her with my lips and tongue and brushing her all over her body with my fingertips as I made my way to her sexual center. Wake up, flesh! Her skin responded. Goosebumps rose up on her body and her muscles tensed and relaxed beneath my touches. Her breathing was shaky and uncertain, like a diver about to leap into an icy pool. She moved like a dancing flame though, wriggling and writhing under the sensuous tingles I was giving her. She opened her eyes and looked down at me. She looked dizzy, frightened, and intensely hungry, all at the same time.

I kissed her all around her privates before moving in toward the center. I breathed out hot sighs onto her most sensitive parts. She was churning herself around on the bed with almost insane desire, wanting to be gratified completely, to have my mouth fully upon her. I knew exactly how she felt; she had done the same thing to me.

My mouth found her sweetest spot and I pulled at it with my lips, catching her in a gentle tweak, and pulling on it until it tugged out of my grip with a slippery little pop. Her moans lifted to a new peak of intensity and she actually cried out loud with real female reaction for the first time. It nearly drove me mad with lust. I did it again and she cried out again.

"I'm so scared!" she said.

"Scared?"

"I'm so scared..."

"We don't have to do it. We can just kiss or whatever. I don't wanna hurt you."

She shook her head.

"It's not even about the pain. I just feel ... scared."

"Of what?"

"I don't know. But keep going. Don't stop. I have to do this. It has to be you. It has to be now, even if it kills me."

"Well let's just try our best to enjoy it. Don't be scared, She. It'll be beautiful no matter what happens."

"Okay."

"I just want you to know that this is one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I'll remember this forever, Sheila, and I'll never regret it as long as I live."

"Any time I thought about losing my virginity, it was always your face I saw. Nothing else seemed right."

That was all we said. I went back to kissing her.

The beauty of defloration is the spilling of blood. It's like a blood contract between lovers, the way people used to swear oaths of devotion to one another by their own blood. The man enters her, deflowers her, and her blood spills across his penis. Now I was about to spill Sheila's blood, the source of her very life. She was about to share herself with me in the most intimate exchange possible between two people. I was inspired to start swearing oaths to her, but we were just friends after all. So I gave her my oath of intimate friendship instead.

"Sheila, before we do this I just wanted to say that I'll love you deeply as an intimate friend my whole life. No matter where life takes me, no matter who I end up with, I'll always honor this moment we shared here in my heart. I promise I'll never lie to you or hurt you in any way. I promise to be a true friend always. This means so much to me."

There was suddenly a puzzled look on her face, washing away the mask of heated lust that had been there a moment before.

"You make it sound like we're getting married or something. It's just sex, Ant."

"I don't mean to be all melodramatic about it, but it is a very deep thing to me. You only get one chance to pick your first lover. Every other guy you're with will be in my shadow after this, even your future husband."

"I never thought of it that way, actually. That is pretty major."

"Don't worry, I'm not getting all mushy on you or anything. I'm actually developing a pretty heavy crush on someone else, but I do want to do this with you, and I do want it to be special for us."

"Well in that case, I promise to cherish this moment forever in my memory too, though I would have done it anyway. But for the sake of the moment, I'll make you this promise: I'll love you forever as an intimate friend, and hopefully an occasional lover."

"Yes, I forgot about that. That would be nice."

"Okay, can we do this now?"

I kissed her and she released a weeping little moan into my mouth. I got up and positioned myself between her knees. She spread and lifted her legs, angling her sweet little privates up toward me, and I looked down on them with a lustful smile.

"You ready?"

"Just do it."

I pressed forward into her and it stretched across my advance. She closed her eyes. Her mouth fell open. Her head dropped back onto the pillow. Her breathing quickened. Her legs were shaking. I felt the stringy little membrane I'd seen down there stretching and tearing, slowly, agonizingly, making her flinch with the strain of it. I cringed, hesitant, not wanting to hurt her. She pushed against me and the thing gave way. I was instantly buried a good two inches inside her. She cried out, but it was a subdued cry, more out of surprise than pain. I looked down at our connection. There was no blood that I could see, but it was definitely in there.

"Ow, Anthony. Oh my god!"

I pressed forward and felt her tighten in resistance. She was wet though, and I went deeper. She panted like she was drowning, in between gasps and snatches of breath.

"Owie-owie-owie-ow! Don't- I- ooh, stop! Anthony, please! Ow. Oh, stop..."

I didn't stop. I pushed deeper. Her thighs kept closing against me and I would pull back a bit, massaging her gently until she relaxed again. Then I would advance some more until she stopped me again.

I finally got to the bottom of her and she was crying beneath me, real sobs with real tears streaming down her face. I felt cruel for enjoying it, but it felt wonderful being inside her like that.

"I'm so sorry, She. I don't want to hurt you."

"It's okay. It's supposed to hurt, right?"

"I guess."

"It's all the way in. Holy fuck, that's fuckin' huge."

The strain in her voice as she struggled to speak emphasized the agony.

"My god, that feels so good," I said eventually. "Are you okay?"

"No. Not at all. But don't stop. I want you to finish."

The look on her face was pure agony and straining tension, like I'd knifed her or something and was twisting it around inside her.

"It looks like it's killing you."

"It's ... Ah! ... feels like ... burning ... and tearing ... I can't even ... Ow!"

"And you still want me to keep going!?"

"Just go easy... 'kay?"

"I'm sorry, Sheila. I wanted this to be wonderful for you."

"The pain's just part of the experience, right?"

"I guess."

I pulled out a bit and looked down at our carnal connection. There was blood. It wasn't pouring out of her or anything, but it was smeared generously along the length of my manhood. Sheila looked down too and sucked in half a gasp, still shaking as she held onto my shoulders. Her voice was trembling, like a little girl who was winding down from a good cry.

We kissed deeply, sealing the unspoken blood contract once and for all. Then she reached down to pull my pelvis forward. My cock slid in again, gliding through all the pleasures of her womanhood, inch by inch. I could feel every little texture of it. It was too wonderful to explain.

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut again. Her teeth gnashed together, and her lips curled back in what looked like rage. I was moving slowly in and out of her now and she could barely keep herself from throwing me off and running away screaming. Tears were flowing down her face and she looked absolutely beautiful to me. I went very slowly, trying to calm her with soft words, and gentle sighs, but nothing seemed to soothe her. The only time she relaxed even a little was when I pulled all the way out for a moment and let her rest a bit. Then I'd slide back in again, and her tightness strained again. Her entire being tensed against the pain, but she did not bar my advance.

"You gonna be long? This really kills."

"I don't want to hurt you even worse."

I worked myself all the way in again, massaging myself into the pleasure of her with short strokes, punishing her even more. She punched at me with the heel of her hand, and gnashed her teeth again, but then rubbed my arm in apology when she realized what she'd done. I didn't mind at all of course, considering how badly I was hurting her. I did want to finish up though, so I kissed her, and thrust a little more vigorously once more. She crushed my arms in an agonized grip and broke into weeping again.

"I'm so sorry ... I just wanna finish, okay? I'm almost there."

She nodded and relaxed her grip on my arms. I reached my hands around under her shoulders to embrace her. I kissed her deeply, stroking again, feeling the glorious pleasure. Her body responded of its own accord, in spite of the pain, and she rocked her pelvis beneath me, sliding her hands all over my back as we panted into each other's ears, embracing cheek to cheek. It was a wonderfully intimate moment.

"I feel ... so close..." she said.

"You seem like you're dying though."

"I am..."

Her breath against my neck was hot and sensuous. Our naked bodies slid against each other, wet with sweat beneath the blanket, pressed tightly together in every place. She was dying beneath me, but she was moving in every possible way she could—her arms, her legs, her pelvis, her face kissing at mine as I ground myself in and out of her. I pulled my head backward and felt her lips upon my chest, kissing at me as she whimpered at the ache of even deeper penetration.

"Yes ... kill me with it ... I wanna die..."

It seemed to go on and on. Maybe it just felt like it was lasting forever because every little stroke I gave her made her flinch and gasp and cry out in pain. She worked with me though, moving herself around my thrusts, trying to enhance my ecstasy. The fact that she was in such pain though was making me lose my concentration. I didn't want to hurt her. Every little motion in every little moment was ecstasy for me, and though she was burning up down there with the size of me and the vigor of my motions, I kept going.