The Truth About Concubines
Doc Tufferson's true story as told by his bar buddy, Leroy in which Leroy misquoted Doc as having said, "Swarm Reporters Is Full Of Shit!" and now everyone thinks that is the title of this story, it ain't. Well, the statement is true but what Doc actually said is, "Swarm Reporters Are Full Of Shit." Doc has couth, he tolt me so.
Doc Tufferson had been reading the news reports on SOL about extractions and such written by some really high flying reporters. Some guy calling himself Thinker was Docs first choice of the bunch, it was clear that Thinker knew the concept, had the facts down pat and could really write a clever line.
A couple of others, Mulligan, deGaffer, oh yeah and The Duke of Ramus too were top notch reporters. All three could tell a story so a regular sort of fellow didn't have to stretch his brain to understand but still got the news. Sometimes they was too funny and Doc would spend way too long laughing so he almost lost his place in the article.
Waltzing Melissa was the Valedictorian of the group and Docs favorite even though Thinker was smarter. She knew just how those poor concubine women got screwed during and after the pickup and she told the truth, he could read it between the lines. Doc saw a picture of Melissa on the internet and he was sure he had saw her in a Wally World store once. He was going to introduce his self, just to chat because he knew a famous reporter like that wouldn't give an old fart like him a tumble. Way out of his class. The chat never happened cuz Doc took his packages out to the car and before he could go back inside one of those gray wall things flopped down on the store. They look real scary from the outside so he took off. Later on he said he had almost crapped his pants. As rough and tough as old Doc is it would have been funny to see him with his shorts filled.
Doc had one problem with those reporters. It was way obvious that none of them had ever lived with more than one woman at a time. They was full of shit about half the time, thinking even a concubine slave woman would put up with the kind of crap that was being reported. Sure, some mean bastard volunteer might space a broad now and again but he'd forfeit his balls in the process. Women is sneaky. Doc knew that cuz he's married to three women at the same time and they all live in the same house.
Doc figured the concubines would have control of every pod and every male in sight in a week or two, just as soon as the medical stuff was done. And those reporters should know better than to think an oversized remodeled dick would make any difference at all. If a female is interested in putting out the effort she can tighten down her snatch til it does just that, snatches almost any size prick. Women is built to take over any man and that's what happened to Doc.
He married his lead wife just out of service back when times was good. He'd retired from the US Army after 22 years and was ready to settle down. He had some great retirement benefits and a job as a body guard for a big shot oil man that paid him two or three times what he made as a First Sergeant. For a working stiff he was rolling in it. He met Harriett at the big guy's gym, she was on his staff too, something to do with personnel records. She was easy ten years younger than Doc and she liked Doc's package, including his income, job security, medical benefits, and she just knew that Docs personal package would be satisfactory no matter what size. She never gave it a thought that Doc might be too demanding, he had "EASY" written all over his face. You can take that any ways you want to, it don't matter cuz it was true. Doc is easy, way too easy on those women some of us guys think; but then, Doc is the onlyest man I knowd with more than one wife. Some of us can't even keep one longer than a little bit.
Doc was a first class soldier, knew all about that stuff. Too bad he was dumb as a stump when it come to women. Well, it wasn't too bad neither cuz it came out pretty damn good. Harriett was Mrs. Doc just inside of three months from that meeting in the gym. Another week later she doing all the finances and two weeks later she was knocked up. Doc was good at following her plans even though he didn't know they was any plans.
Harriett wanted that baby and its little brother or sister too. And she got 'em. She felt real good about her kid's future since she didn't think there would be any money problems. Doc didn't mind the kids; he even liked playing with them, sometimes. He was also real happy to have somebody else tending the bills and balancing the books. All he had to do was earn the money and that was easy for Doc. Oh, the other thing Doc liked was dipping his wick in Harriett's honey pot; he liked that best of all after 22 military years of doing without. From day one he was making up time - all the time! Day and night! His personal package was just average in size but it was off the charts for frequency. Harriett snatched and snatched until her snatch got sore and it stayed sore. Twas time for a new plan.
Harriett has a cousin who was kind of the disgrace of the family. Her given name was Honey. With that name her Momma was close but no cigar. She should have named her Horny. Honey was ten years younger than Harriett, that made her twenty years younger than Doc. Harriett figured that was just enough difference that they could keep each others pipes cleaned and tuned like a fine organ. Oh, and like one of them big old church organ, Honey could blow real good and make sweet music. It was her favorite past time except for plain old fucking.
Harriett began maneuvering to get Doc and Honey to spend some weekend time together but ran into a snag. Doc wanted to be an honorable family man, his own momma started drilling that into his head just after his head cleared the breech. Geez, the very first time he latched onto her nipple in the hospital she was preaching and teaching and a coaching, "You're going to be the best family man in the US of A. You's gonna be honorable to your woman or I'll snatch you bald!" I guess she was thinking about Doc's daddy who split for Havana as soon as he learned that Doc was in the works. Didn't even say good bye, kiss my ass nor nothing. His momma's sister spilled the beans while helping that two timing bastard plant his seed in her own garden; and he was gone afore she could pull up her panties.
Doc's fetching up wouldn't allow him to bed a girl that wasn't his wife. He'd made it through all that Army time loving his hands, ambidextrous he was, and now that he had Harriett for a pressure relief valve he wasn't about to disappoint his mother, no matter that she'd been dead eight or nine years. No, Doc wasn't a Hanky Panky sort of man. No siree Bob.
Harriett needed some help and it didn't take her long to find it. It came when she made a healthy donation to the Reverend Jimmy's Church of Devine Holiness. Jimmy wasn't too big on the bible or God nor nothing like that. He preached that God wants us all to have a good time, good income to share with the church and good clean fun; preferably in the bedroom, bathroom, on the living room sofa or even in the back seat of a limo. Hole was holy to Jimmy. To his TV congregation nothing was more holy than consummating the bonds of matrimony and the more bonds you could consummate the more you were blessed.
It took Harriett less than five minutes to write the check that made her a member. In fact, that check was so big that Reverend Jimmy stopped by the house on the promise if he could help convert Doc to the faith there would be more checks just like that first one. Doc liked Jimmy, they had served in some of the same theaters during the war and he could tell really good stories about screwing up enemy plans and saving fellow soldiers. Jimmy didn't mention that he had read those stories as his past time while sitting on the crapper in an Alabama jail. Doc was sprinkled, more like doused, with some white wine that very weekend as his baptism. The good thing about using wine for baptism is there aint no waste, "drink up Doc, the lord has richly blessed you," Jimmy pontificated while palming check number two.
There was a number of other members at the service. No doubt that cousin Horny ... er Honey was the cutest. She was also the first to kiss Doc with the official blessing of the Church of Devine Holiness. Hot church, cool wine and one extra blest sizzling kiss. It was just three weeks later that Reverend Jimmy presided at the wedding of Honey and Harriett to our good Doc. Check three had been turned into cash at Jimmy's insistence, saying that it was easier to keep the church books with cash.
There was bliss in that home right away. The kids was so little that they thought a second mommy was the best thing ever. Sometimes they could talk Honey into giving them twenty five cents even though their other mommy had said no not five minutes earlier. Oh, the other good thing was that they got more attention from their first mommy now that Honey was taking on most of the bedroom duties. They used to have to take naps four or five times a day while mommy and daddy talked in the bedroom, now it was only four or five times a week, during the day that is.
That suited Harriett fine. Four or five times a week plus every other evening kept her snatch well lubricated but no longer sore. Ever now and again she would feel just a little more demanding and double up on her weekly schedule but not often enough cause no friction in the family.
.... There is more of this story ...