As I drove up to our garage I found myself worrying. I was later than normal and I knew Jim would be worried. I kept building my excuse so that I'd have it somewhat practiced before I walked in.
I hadn't fallen into the affair willingly but now, after six months I craved the sexual heights my lover drove me to. I still love my husband but for some reason, Samuel does things in my mind and body that I can't keep away from.
I've tried to break it off with Sam. I have tried time and time again. He's just so damned seductive and he also knows all the buttons to push to get me to fail my own will and terms every time.
Jim, if he knew, would probably be more than a lot angry. I thought that if push came to shove though, I'd be able to talk him out of a divorce and be able to get him to forgive me. I had a plan for working on him just in case.
That's how far I've fallen. In my six month love affair I'd found a new me and made plans to prevent Jim, my loving husband, from kicking me out of his life and home if and when he found me out.
I was certain that he'd never figure it out though. I made sure he had sex whenever he showed any interest and sometimes I even started things when I didn't really feel like it ... because I love him so much. I do love him. Really ... I do.
Once in a while, every few days or so I'd get that guilty feeling and want to stop what I'd done ... to go back in time and never have allowed my attraction for Sam to have gone so far as to end up in a sexual fling with him.
It isn't that I love Sam, because I don't. Matter of fact at times I don't like him at all. He gets in a mood some times while we're fucking and begins to treat me like a whore or slut. Those are the times that really give me the big orgasms, even though I hate what he does to me in the process. I just can't resist him or his ways.
I look into the rearview mirror and check my lipstick and hair. I took a shower at Sam's place and made myself presentable, but I am paranoid about Jim looking at me and perhaps seeing something out of place that I can't explain easily.
I have the same soaps and shampoo at Sam's that I use at home. I even have changes of clothes and underwear I keep at Sam's too. Just in case. I've been very careful to plan each time with Sam now. Ever since that one time five months ago when I came home and Jim asked me about my perfume.
I realized that I wasn't wearing any since I'd showered at Sam's. I also suddenly remembered that I'd put on some of Jim's favorite perfume before leaving for work that morning. I'd managed to dodge that bullet that time though. I made up a story about having spilled some cleaning chemicals on me while digging through the closet for some Kleenex our employer kept stored there. Jim had bought that hook line and sinker.
One last look and I got out. Walking into the house I stopped at the front door and looked around for Jim's pickup. It wasn't where he normally parked it. He'd left it on the street almost in front of the neighbor's house. That was odd. He usually parked it in our driveway.
Meanwhile, inside the house:
I watched Giselle as she checked over her face in the rearview mirror. It had been a long tiring day for me and I was tired of waiting for her arrival. Of course she was late again. It had been getting more and more to be normal than an exception. Had she been where she claimed she was I'd had no problem with it ... but that wasn't the case.
It had all started months ago and up until it became totally unavoidable, I'd tried to find a way to get her back with me. I'd tried everything I could think of ... with no help from her. I had made a decision that I wouldn't let her know that I knew about her affair. I knew that she had to break it off on her own to do either of us any good.
Dinners, movies, flowers, candy ... I'd tried all the usual things. I got creative ... I made her a special knickknack shelf, glass encased. I'd picked her up from her work on a Friday and we'd gone into the city for a weekend of loving and just going to wherever she desired.
I'd tried talking to her about 'us' but even that had fallen on deaf ears. The weekend in the city had started out with her being angry at me ... but by the end I thought I'd made some headway. That didn't make it through the next week though.
I finally had begun to attack her, arguing about her hours and her job. All that succeeded in doing was getting her mad at me. Our sex life dropped off substantially and then dropped off more, and then dropped some more yet. What had been several times a week and at least three times on the weekend had become ... well it had been a week and a half since we'd last been intimate in any way ... two weeks since we'd actually had sex. She hadn't noticed as far as I could tell.
I'd known all along what was going on. Five months ago I'd actually caught her at it but she'd managed to fend off my questions and fire back an excuse about why she'd taken a shower at work. What she didn't know was that I'd followed her that afternoon and I knew precisely why she'd taken the shower and her job had absolutely nothing to do with it.
That finding out had crushed my heart but I still loved her enough to try to win her back. She was the woman I wanted to have children with. She had my heart and I'd fallen very hard for her when we'd met. Now ... well it wasn't going to be all that hard to do what I had to do tonight. I wondered briefly how she'd handle it when I left ... but thought that she'd probably run to her lover and they'd laugh at me, the imbecile that they'd pulled the joke on all this time.
How can a husband compete with a lover who has no need to perform routine 'honey do's' for a wife? How can a husband not confront a wife about her cheating with her lover and try to win her back honestly? I'd tried my damnedest and failed. I'm going to be telling her that I have to go out of town on an emergency road trip tonight. It wouldn't be the first time something like this had come up ... but it would be the last.
You may ask why I didn't confront her. All that would prove is that I caught her and she'd be sorry for that. That I'd caught her that is not that she'd decided ahead of time to quit. My thoughts were I'd win her back to me without a hint that I was aware of her indiscretions. That way I'd know in my heart that she truly loved me. Obviously, now to me at least, that hadn't worked.
What she didn't know was that all my worldly belongings were packed in my truck. I'd split the bank accounts in half. I'd quit my job and taken an offer from an old friend who lived clear across the country. I'd made plans to cancel my cell phone plan, picked up another phone, paid off my old cell phone plan, a penalty I was willing to pay in order to keep her from calling me later on. I had one week on the old phone left ... and it was a relief knowing that.
My 401K would transfer to my new employers' savings plan; my cash balance retirement plan would be safe where it was. I was a little upset over having to quit my job as I liked the people I worked with and my job was about as perfect for me as a job I'd ever had. It sucked having to walk away from my co-workers, employer and customers like this ... but it was something I had thought long and hard about.
I'd given it my best shot, and Giselle had ignored my efforts totally. Too caught up in her affair to know she had lost me ... or perhaps she just didn't care? It didn't really matter anymore at this point. The papers would be served on Giselle the following Friday while she was either at work or at her lovers.
Am I running out on her you may ask? Yes. Yes I am. It hurts me too much to face her with her infidelity. I know that were I to confront her now, she'd be sorry, cry and possibly beg me to forgive her. That's exactly what I don't want. I didn't want to look like some beggar trying to get their wife back that way.
What I wanted was her to realize that I loved her and that she still loved me. I wanted her to see for herself what she could lose. I wanted her to take me back, damnit! Obviously I lost to her lover. Even though I know what kind of 'man' he is, I know that she won't or can't see that side of him yet. She will though. Right about the time the divorce paperwork is served or shortly there after.
Until then I planned on calling her nightly like I usually did, hoping that she wouldn't notice I was using a motel room phone, or be too concerned about my not using my cell phone. I figured that she'd never notice anyway as she always seemed too distracted to really talk to me now.
I don't know what she expected of me. I don't know why she even started the affair or why she is keeping at it. I really don't know what she truly feels about me anymore either. She can't love me. Not, at least, like I loved her once before all this shit started.
If she did love me, she'd never have been with another man. She had though. She'd been with him for months now ... and showed no signs of stopping. I'd given up after months of hard work on my part to try to win her back. I saw the handwriting on the wall. He'd won, I'd lost.
Angry again, I began to work on my fake story, trying to keep my bile down as Giselle walked up to the front door. I went into the kitchen and got out a cold beer. I was desperate to do anything to keep my mind busy while I worked at calming down inside. This was not the time to mess up and blow my plan all to hell.
.... There is more of this story ...