What to Do With a Drunken Sailor


Caution: This contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa, Consensual, Drunk/Drugged, Heterosexual, Cheating, Gang Bang, .

Desc: : What he found when he returned from elk hunting.

There is a refrain from a song that keeps playing over and over in my head. I don't even remember for sure where it came from. I think it was something from the Kingston Trio back in the mid to late Sixties although I wouldn't bet on it. It goes:

"What to do with a drunken sailor, what to do with a drunken sailor, what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning."

What planted the refrain in my mind? As some one once said — "Therein lies the tale."

Kate and I have been married a little over fourteen years now. We met on a blind date, something "clicked" between us and we haven't been apart since. Well, that's not totally true. We had spats and disagreements and had separated a time or two before we got married, but we just couldn't seem to stay apart for more than a week or so at a time.

We both have decent jobs that we like and that we are not interested in giving up so early on we decided against having children. To spare Kate the hassle of birth control pills, diaphragms and the like I had the "snip job" done.

I guess you could say we are an average couple living the average middle class dream — buying our own home, two cars in the garage, money in the bank for a vacation every year — and all the other trappings of the middle class. We have a wide circle of friends close to us in age and just enough in the way of outside activities to keep life from getting boring.

I bowl in a Thursday night house league, have a standing golf date every Saturday at 6 AM with three guys I went to school with and I play poker with six close friends on the third Friday of every month. I also take one long weekend in the fall and go elk hunting.

Kate likes to dabble in the arts. She takes classes in painting, pottery, photography and sculpture. She has a MIG welder, and an oxy/acetylene setup with a cutting torch in the garage and she is forever making some sort of metal sculpture (and occasionally selling one). She has a book club and literary discussion group on the nights I bowl, but this tale doesn't have anything to do with any of that. It has to do with Kate's coworkers.

Every two weeks on a Wednesday Kate stops with the girls she works with to sip margaritas (or whatever), shoot the bull in general and let off steam that their management causes to build up. If you listen to Kate the people who run her company are certifiable idiots, but then don't most of feel that way about the people over us at work? The fact of the matter (and one that I'm smart enough to never bring up in front of Kate) is that her company is consistently profitable and she has gotten a sizeable year end bonus every year she has been there. But that has nothing to do with the story either — the profitable part I mean — her coworkers definitely have something to do with it.

Kate would stop with them and on those nights she would usually come home late. She always told me not to wait up for her, but I would stay up and wait for her anyway. I did this because Kate did not handle alcohol well. A few more drinks than she should have and Kate got silly. "Dancing with a lampshade on her head silly" so maybe one night in four I'd get a call from one of Kate's coworkers telling me that Kate was in no condition to walk home let alone drive and on those nights I would have to go and pick her up.

Kate was an extremely attractive and sexy looking woman, but I never worried about some horn-dog moving in on her when she was blitzed because the lounge they stopped at wasn't that kind of place. It didn't have a dance floor, a juke box or a live band and it is almost impossible to move in on one woman sitting at a table with eight or ten others without a working line like:

"Would you care to dance?"

"I saw you sitting her alone while all the others are out there dancing. Can I keep you company?"

Face it. "I saw you sitting here and you turn me on. Want to go some place and fuck" just wouldn't get it done. Then again, if it was Pauline French sitting there it would probably work, but that is neither here or there since Pauline isn't part of this tale either.

It was late in the fall and elk season was about to open. I was going to take my usual long weekend and try my luck. I was leaving Thursday afternoon and wouldn't be back until the following Tuesday. I asked Kate what she had planned for while I was gone and she told me that she was going to work on some of her metal sculptures and that she would be going to a Mary Kay party on Saturday. I told her that I really didn't want her to change her shade of lipstick (I didn't really care, but a smart husband has to pretend to notice things like that) and to enjoy herself and then I headed out on the hunt.

The hunt turned out to be four days in the great outdoors getting lots of fresh air. I didn't even come close to getting my elk. I saw plenty of sign, but I never saw anything except rabbits and an occasional squirrel. I struck camp and headed home and an hour out I called Kate to let her know I was almost home. When I walked into the house I found Kate waiting for me in a sexy black lace peignoir and high heels.

"Three guesses as to what I want lover and the first two don't count."

"Let me take a quick shower and I believe I can accommodate you."

"No lover, no shower, now!"

No way was I going to argue with her so I started undressing as I followed her to the bedroom. She sucked me, fucked me, sucked and fucked me a second time and would have gone a third time if I had been able.

The next morning I wok up with a hot mouth on my cock and so I just laid still and enjoyed. After I was hard enough to suit her Kate climbed on and rode us both to an orgasm and then she gave me a passionate kiss and told me to go shower while she put the coffee on.

Over breakfast I asked what was the special occasion that prompted our morning interlude.

"I missed you. I'm glad you are home."

"Maybe I should go away more often."

"Don't you dare!"

That night after dinner I was in the spare bedroom that we had turned into a home office going over some papers that I had brought home from work when she walked in wearing only high heels. The outcome was predictable and in the warm afterglow Kate surprised me and asked:

"Do you have any fantasies?"

"Just winning the lottery."

"Don't you have any sexual fantasies?"

"I have wondered what it would be like to have a naked Catherine Zeta Jones and a naked Charlize Theron in a hair pulling cat-fight over who got to give me a blow job."

"Don't you have any involving me?"

"Other than watching you being gangbanged by a bunch of college students in a fraternity house? No, none that I can think of."

"You really would like to see me gangbanged?"

"Of course not. What is this all about Kate?"

"I want to do something special for you to show you just how much I love you. I thought that if you had a fantasy I would give it to you."

"No Kate, sorry, but I don't have any."

"How about something that you would like to do that we have never done?"

"Now that's a different story."

"What? What is it?"

"We don't need to go there Kate."

"Yes we do lover. I want to know."

"You already know Kate and you have already said no and I accepted it so let it be."

"No baby, I told you I want to do something special for you."

"I don't want you doing something that you don't want to do just because you want to please me. What we have is plenty good enough."

"No lover, tell me."

I hesitated several moments and then said, "I've always wanted you to suck me to completion and then swallow and I've always wanted to try anal and you have always said no to both."

"That was then lover, but this is now" and she slid down and took me in her mouth. She gave me a halfway decent blow job considering that she had never done one before and she surprised me by swallowing my cum when I got my rocks off.

"Was it good?"

"It was great."

"Tomorrow we will do anal."

She cuddled up next to me and in minutes we were both asleep.

In my office the next day I thought about how Kate was acting since I got back. I had no idea what had caused it, but I liked it and I hoped that it would continue. According to "The Smart Husband's Handbook" one of the ways that might help keep things moving along was to send flowers so I sent Kate a dozen roses to her at her office with a card that was simply signed, "Your secret admirer."

Kate usually beats me home by fifteen or twenty minutes and she was in the kitchen getting a start on dinner when I got there. Given the way she had behaved the last two days I half expected her to hurry over to me, throw her arms around me and give me a passionate kiss, but all she did was turn, smile at me and say:

"Hi honey. Figure a half hour until dinner" and then she turned back to what she was doing.

We made the usual "how did your day go" type talk over dinner and I waited for her to mention the roses, but she never did. I noticed that she seemed to be pre-occupied, almost like she had something on her mind.

"Anything wrong?"

"No, why?"

"You seem to be somewhere else."

She looked at me, smiled and then said, "It's nothing honey. Just a little apprehension over giving you your dessert tonight."

"My dessert?"

"You haven't forgotten that you get to tap my sexy butt tonight have you?"

"No baby, we don't need to do that."

"But I want to. I want to do it for you."

"Maybe you do, but it seems like it is bothering you, especially if it has you feeling apprehensive."

.... There is more of this story ...

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