Los Angeles, California. March 2002.

"Welcome to Hollywood!"

The Rastafarian grinned, opening his arms to all around him. "Everybody who comes to Hollywood's got a dream! Some dreams come true, some don't." He pointed at random people on the street around him. "What's your dream? What's your dream? Hey, pretty woman! What's your dream?"

"I'm still figuring that out," Erika Christensen replied with caution. The man was one of many strange people moving around her on Hollywood Boulevard. He nodded at her answer and then moved on with his ever-present toothy smile.

"What's your dream? Hey mister! Hey! What's your dream?"

Erika ran a hand through her long golden curls and hurried to catch up with her two companions. Like them, she was dressed casually in a bright-hued blouse and skirt that highlighted her voluptuous bust and firm legs. Her hair tumbled down her back and around her cherubic face and indigo eyes. Her porcelain skin gleamed in the streetlights. Several of the ladies of the night walking the Boulevard had been giving her harsh looks throughout the evening. Erika ignored them as best she could.

She wasn't getting nearly as many harsh looks as her companions. The taller and older of the pair, Kate Hudson, looked like a Greek goddess with her bony statuesque features and white alabaster flesh. Straight blonde hair a shade lighter than Erika's hung about her shoulders. She appraised the people walking past them with sky blue orbs behind sunglasses, casting a cool smile at anyone who looked back.

The other girl, Sarah Hudson, was a shapely woman with a handsome face and deep makeup. Long brick red hair accented her hazel eyes and laughing smirk. Any woman who stared at her received an answering look of challenge. So far, that look had also frightened off a few guys.

Oh well, Erika thought, the guys in question didn't seem like much anyway. The night's still young. If it goes sour, we can always head home and have fun with each other.

"You see these stars on the sidewalk?" a scantily clad skank asked, stepping into their path. She pointed at several other girls with her. "This is our turf, bitch!"

"We're not hookers," Kate coolly informed the skank. "Far be it from us to steal your business."

"Don't fuck with us," Sarah added with a glare. The hookers nodded and backed off. Kate and Sarah walked on.

I wish I could give them some advice; Erika paused in thought, looking at the prostitutes. So many of these girls have such messed-up lives, I would try to help them if they'd listen to me. I know people don't always appreciate help, though. I don't think it would be appreciated here.

She smiled at the hookers and several flashed her upraised middle fingers that confirmed her conjecture. Erika sighed and tucked her Scientology cross pendant out of view under her blouse as she headed away.

"Just ignore them," Kate advised her. "Those whores give Sarah and me trouble every time we come down this way. People like them are the main reason I've donated thousands to clean this area up."

Erika nodded. She did the same with the money she earned as an actress. It's working, she thought, looking around at the Boulevard. The people on this street look mostly content here in the week before college spring break. The crooks of this area are still evident but there aren't nearly as many as when I last walked the Boulevard. That's good. This is L.A.'s main thoroughfare of the arts. It has the Walk of Fame and many theaters and restaurants. I don't appreciate that it also has crime.

A large black van drove past, making her feel better. Kate's adopted father and another man were inside the vehicle watching over the girls and patrolling the area. Erika had requested their presence. I have a bad feeling about tonight, she had told Kate and Sarah. You never know what will happen. Sometimes pepper spray and fast feet aren't enough. It was Erika's first time picking up guys with them on the Boulevard, so the other two women had acquiesced to her demand.

Erika was nineteen years old. Kate and Sarah were in their early twenties. Erika had met them while filming a movie with Kate's mother Goldie Hawn. "The Banger Sisters" was a comedy about two best friends who reunited in the present after sleeping with dozens of rock stars in the 1960s. One of them, Goldie, was still into the groupie lifestyle. The other, played by Susan Sarandon, had settled down in the suburbs and become a mother of two. Erika played the older daughter whose drunken prom night revelry brought Goldie back into Susan's life.

In reality, Susan and Goldie had known each other for decades. Geena Davis, one of Erika's mentors as an actress and sexual being, had introduced Erika to them. Some months ago, Erika had discovered she was bisexual and wanted to be a happy swinger. Geena had pointed out Susan and Goldie as the two most experienced female celebrity swingers she knew. They had both grown up during the sexual revolution and first become famous in Hollywood during the 1970s and 1980s. If anyone could teach Erika to manage swinging and the acting career she also wanted, it was them.

Geena's "Thelma and Louise" co-star, Susan, had been thrilled to meet Erika. She had admired Erika's work playing an addict in the anti-drug thriller "Traffic" and gotten her a similar part in "The Banger Sisters". Both Susan and Goldie were veteran actresses who lived with common-law husbands. Erika had learned they were also still living the 1960s free love movement in the new millennium. They were decades older than Erika, though, so they did not find themselves attracted to her. She had shrugged that off and accepted the inspiration and advice they offered instead. Goldie had also introduced Erika to two girls her own age who wanted the same lifestyle as Goldie and Susan had: Goldie's niece Sarah and her daughter Kate.

Kate was a new famous face in Hollywood. Recently she had wowed critics in the drama "Almost Famous". Her role as a rock groupie named Penny Lane had won her an Oscar nomination and a Golden Globe. She was married to a musician but both lived open sexually. Her cousin Sarah was a year younger and starting a rock music career. She managed a small record label and produced several albums for herself and other artists. Both girls had grown up in Hollywood like Erika. However, their childhood had been far more open than hers had.

Erika had grown up sheltered. Her parents kept her isolated and home-schooled her when she wasn't attending classes for her religion. Acting was her only escape and she had become further excited about it as she grew more adept. Where is this going, her family would often ask as they watched her star in commercials and small press movies. Erika had answered them when she got multiple awards for her performance in "Traffic" and then embarked on a movie star's life.

I will always want this life, she told herself, thinking back on it. Never have I been that content with myself. I've always been told I'm a point of light, a supreme being who just needs to awaken the powers inside her the way I'm shown. I never have seen that working perfect, though. I know that when someone says they have all the answers they are always misinformed or lying. However, I can't tell them that. They get mad at me if I do. It's far better to be someone else, someone other than me. I love other people too much to forever step outside their lives.

Fame had not been easy. At first, Erika was not comfortable with the world outside her church and family. Life's lessons had hit her fast and hard. Scientology preached self-reliance but it was also big on motivating its followers to seek nothing other than its teachings as guidelines for development. Erika had always somehow known that was wrong.

Watching many of her friends turn away from the church over the years had supported her doubts. She was confident she would never leave the church herself, as she accepted the basic beliefs and would always be grateful for the things her religion had taught her about communication and emotion. However, Erika knew she did not want to be forced to live a life that was in but not of the real world.

I know our mistakes too, she pondered, recalling the anger the hookers had shown her. I have to be careful about voicing my thoughts to the wrong people sometimes but I still have knowledge and opinions. I see over half the world confused by our strange ways and much of the rest despising us for things we've done. The lawsuits and censorship, the greed, the people we've injured on both physical and spiritual levels. It all disturbs me so much. I have a larger conscience than many people in my religion, especially the leaders.

Unlike them, I am not selfish and I will never believe our way is all there is. We've only come along in recent years while other truths including psychology have been around for centuries. I don't like using and manipulating others, either. I think it's better to show someone the reality of the person you are if they're against you rather than just hate them and do whatever you can to mislead and dispose of them. Sometimes people need assistance to open their minds and if you give that aid, it helps clear the planet of its troubles. Aren't we supposed to be doing that?

We shouldn't separate ourselves from the rest of the world either. There are no truly evil life-suppressing people except those who are unwilling to see reality and change their minds. At least that's what I think. I also don't believe one should put a price on enlightenment and long for the day my church stops charging money for its deepest truths.

Erika knew she was not alone in these thoughts. Others had them and had left her church to practice their own Scientology denominations or seek answers elsewhere. Some had departed of their own volition while others got forced out. These included several people Erika knew. She sympathized with them and missed them. Erika did not want to join these people in anything other than spirit, though. To do more would mean shunning from the zealots among her friends and family still inside Scientology's main organization. It was better to stay inside and walk on eggshells, she believed.

I can handle it, she reminded herself again. I am an actress. I lie for a living. Many people lie to me and tell me that it's okay. So easy to lie also about the person I am within.

"What's the matter?" Sarah asked, walking beside her. "You were the one who wanted to come out here."

I did, Erika mused. It's been a while since I got with a guy. Girls are fun, Kate and Sarah included, but guys are the people with whom I started and they also give me something I need. Almost every woman I know is the same. Kate and Sarah knew I was missing guy sex, so they invited me out to troll for boys with them. It would be fun, I thought. I usually go boy hunting with Alicia Witt but she and I are at odds right now. I made the mistake of kissing her two weeks ago and she's still a little mad at me. I told her I thought she was into girls and apologized. She forgave me but it's taking her time to warm up to me again. Alicia has a lot of resentment. I hope one day that she and I can find a way to work it out.

Deciding to distract herself, Erika turned to Kate. "Are you sure your husband's okay with you doing this?"

"He can fuck groupies all he wants," Kate answered, chuckling. "He's off on tour right now doing just that. I let him fuck whom he wants, so I get to fuck whom I want. We're only married because he asked."

"You should have stayed unmarried like Aunt G," Sarah suggested.

Kate shook her head. "I'm not one hundred percent like my mother. I love Chris, so I married him. These other guys are just ... guys." She made a dismissive wave. "You'll understand when you find someone."

My mother tells me the same thing, Erika thought. She and my father were both hippies before they found each other and Scientology. They know about the swinging lifestyle I've chosen and are okay with it for now. I'm glad. I could never deceive them. I don't want to deceive my friends either. It's too difficult and wrong.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" she asked her companions, ignoring all the times she had done it before and never had such concerns. "We don't know who we'll be meeting."

"We'll get to know them before we take them home," Sarah replied. "Just like we always do. We had our monthly checkups at the clinic yesterday. We can go again tomorrow if you're that worried. We picked up pills and condoms before we came out."

"I know," Erika said with a sigh. "I'm just nervous. I don't want us to wind up with some losers."

"I agree," said Kate. "I've had enough of those." She put a hand on her hip and frowned as she watched a carful of guys pick up some of the hookers who had sneered at them earlier. "You know, I really think we should have picked a different area."

"Maybe," Erika replied. She looked around for other guys, frowning when she saw none nearby. Erika, Kate and Sarah had been wandering for just over an hour so far and had yet to catch any intriguing bites.

Erika cringed as she spotted three of her church's volunteer ministers across the street handing out pamphlets. They were a fat, short, and lean trio of brothers named Boggis, Bunce, and Bean Feshbach. Erika knew they were equally mean zealots despite their personable facades and different looks. She quickly turned her face away from them and let out a relieved gasp when they did not call out to her.

Having the wrong people recognize her was Erika's greatest fear. Her church frowned on promiscuity just like all other religions and Erika did not want to have to explain herself to the fanatics. None of them really liked her chosen way of life. Some urged her to stay at home instead of acting, concentrate on her family. Others told her she needed to give more money to the church now that she was a celebrity millionaire. Erika never wanted those people to find out she donated a lot of her earnings to charities for the environment, victims of persecution, mental illness and other causes many within her church ignored. Most of the donations were not in her name since she didn't make them for recognition, but if discovered by the fanatics they would still be of concern.

The celebrity zealots are the worst, Erika thought. Scientology's a Hollywood fad with many who like to draw attention to themselves by practicing it. Just last winter, the great actor Tom Cruise got in my face and told me I was wasting my talent refusing to be an evangelist like he's thinking of becoming. I told him I see living the good in my beliefs as more respectful to others and that his plans scare me. I just know they're going to ruin the good public standing he's built over the past twenty years.

Tom still hasn't forgiven me for lashing out at him. He told me a month ago that he was willing to agree to disagree and that he had enjoyed "Home Room", the movie I made about a shooting victim who sees psychiatrists for posttraumatic stress disorder. I'm sure he's still mad at me on some level, though. The only good thing that came of our fight was that Alicia overheard us and decided she wanted to be my friend.

"Don't worry," Kate told her. "If those guys saw you and go crying to your church's intelligence agency, Isaac will take care of it. You know he will."

Erika grimaced. The very existence of her church's intelligence agency and all she knew it had done both frightened and angered her. The first director of the agency had gone to prison for fraud and other serious crimes and so had several other operatives over the past five decades. Many more were responsible for motivating people Erika knew to leave the church behind.

The agency's current director, Mike Rinder, had pledged that the bad days were over and he was changing things for the better. Erika had taken courses taught by Rinder as part of her church studies, so she knew his intentions were sincere. However, she was not sure he could deliver what he promised. She had seen too many people harmed by things her church did and too many other people, Rinder included, give in to the constantly angry fanatics who held the real power in the ministry. Erika knew that in all likelihood the hurt would continue to go on.

I can't leave, though, she thought. I still believe in the good of my church. I'm also frightened of the people who are against us. I lurk sometimes in the places where they congregate. I have listened to their words and seen so much anger and bitterness. I don't blame some of them for it but I don't think others should feel so awful. It's as if they still want to be like the worst of us even though they left our church for good reason. They shout down and alienate anyone who disagrees with their generally confused and hateful words. They don't know any other way to live their lives but working their antipathy out over and over again. Some of them even spread disinformation and create new conflicts. I can't see any of them as nice. It's all so hard for me to understand. Better to stay inside, where I know what to expect and can manage things. My family is with me here and my friends are helping, too.

Isaac Hayes was one of those friends. A celebrity Scientologist like Erika, he had long been active in the entertainment industry as an actor and soul musician. He was also the one who had introduced Erika to the swinging lifestyle and "Clear Rainbow", her church's network of followers who were into alternative sexuality. Isaac had enough contacts in the church to keep Clear Rainbow tolerated by those who could accept its existence and hidden from most of the rest. Erika knew she had Isaac watching over her, and her parents also, but this did not keep her from being afraid much of the time.

"The tabloids are no concern either," Kate broke into her thoughts, smirking at a group of nearby photographers. A weasel-faced blond man stood in the forefront, snapping a camera away. "Like I've told you before, just stay busy and don't stand out and they hardly notice you as anything more than a name."

"Right," Erika said. Geena had given her the same advice and she followed it. I'm with my career one hundred percent, Erika told reporters. When I'm not shooting films, I'm reading scripts or rehearsing. I don't have time for boyfriends. So far, the press had all appeared to believe her words. There seemed no threat of exposure on that front.

"If things get really bad, we also have an ace in the hole," said Sarah. She made an odd gesture.

The Friendship, Erika thought, recognizing the motion. She and most of her friends were members of this group, a secret society similar to the Masons but far more powerful and less known. Their tendrils extended into every sector of the world and benefitted everyone they touched, sometimes in unexpected ways. Geena, Isaac and Erika's parents had initiated her a month ago. The society's goals were simple — gathering and sharing knowledge and giving freedom and charity to all people.

They did not have a clear overall plan to achieve these goals but they did have many ongoing programs and strategies. Reforming Erika's church was among these. The church leaders might be against change, like most religious leaders, but they could not stop people from having opinions and reacting to being hurt. Some of these people still believed in Scientology despite all its misdeeds and wanted to be proactive and fix it rather than leave their religion and let it die. We have the power to do this, they said, if we truly are supreme beings. Because of their belief and honest desire to help others, they stayed inside the church if they could and tried to inspire other followers to a better level of ethics and public opinion.

The Friendship, which had long observed the development of various people and helped them along to secure its own goals, was aiding these would-be reformers. Erika doubted whether the Friendship was all good sometimes but she was willing to stay within and find out for herself. The advantages the society gave her were also great and came at no cost.

Kate used the Friendship last year to kill a tabloid story about her eating disorder, Erika remembered. Goldie, Susan, Isaac and Geena use them for swinging and career connections. I've been doing the same to a degree. Like Sarah, I don't want to depend on the Friendship for my career, but they are nice. I hope that as time goes on I learn more of their plan for my church and that it turns out to be as good as my parents and Isaac believe it will.

"It's a long term plan," Isaac told her. "We think it will probably take years. Religions are difficult to reform, you see. Every one in history has needed it and the Friendship has few adversaries that can be more dangerous. I don't think I'm going to live to see the plans the Friendship has for our church conclude. I hope you do, Erika, and if I must die before then I just hope I die well."

Erika worried he would not. Isaac voiced a cartoon chef on a show that often satirized religion. Though he and Erika were okay with such a theme, others within their church disapproved. These fanatics' ranks included Isaac's publicist. The show, "South Park", was a huge hit and showed no sign of ending any time soon. If the elderly Isaac should fall into poor health, Erika had a feeling that the fanatics in their religion would seize the opportunity to make him quit his show in a disturbing way.

Isaac knows that might happen too, Erika reminded herself. He is aware of the negative side of our church. He edits it out of the way he lives his beliefs just like my family and I do. We're far from the only ones. The Friendship has a long road to reforming Scientology and we're helping it along. We hate it whenever the actions of some fanatic who thinks they know how we should be push us back. However, we soldier on. I hope Isaac will also continue to soldier on, even if the worst should happen.

Most of the people opposed to her religion, Erika knew, did not want that. They wanted to destroy her church and everything it had built. Never mind the good things they had done. The people they had helped educate and those they had turned away from crime and addiction. The many artists, Erika included, whom they had taught to be better communicators. The companies they had built; the artworks and communities; the mental health reforms and alternatives. So many of the people against them could only see the bad they had done as well.

We're learning, Erika wanted to tell these haters. We're getting away from our infamy slowly but surely. Yes, some people may never change but we can't let them stop the rest of us. The majority of Scientologists want reform. We want a better world. Why can't you help us find one instead of just reminding us of all the mistakes we've made over and over? Why do you let us continue to live in fear? I would ask you this question if I honestly thought you would listen to me. I've seen others ask you and you always respond with derision and disgust.

She also wanted to tell the haters about a Christian-themed horror movie she'd seen once called "The Prophecy". In it, an archangel had rebelled against God, believing he knew a better way for the world and humanity. In one climactic scene, the Devil visited the archangel and offered aid.

"What are you doing here, Satan?" the archangel asked in surprise. "This isn't your war."

"On the contrary," the Devil answered. "You are too blind to see that your actions are not motivated by compassion, truth and understanding as much as they are by suspicion, ignorance and arrogance. That makes your war evil and that makes it mine."

There's evil on my side of this war too, Erika recalled. Again, she was thinking of people like the Feshbach brothers and her church's intelligence agency. Of course knowing that doesn't help me much. Oh well, I should just forget it and take things as they come. I know I have to stay firm in my ethics and get through whatever happens to me. I've been doing that. Nothing too awful has occurred yet, thankfully. It could be worse.

"Ladies, fucking ladies!" a nearby voice yelled in a Jersey twang. "You wanna buy some weed?"

Frowning, Erika turned and saw a tall man with long blond hair standing a few feet up the sidewalk. He wore a yellow rain slicker and a black knit cap. Another man was leaning against the wall beside him. This fellow was stout, dark-bearded and dressed in a black overcoat and a white baseball cap turned backwards. Erika at once pegged him as the quiet type.

"Jay and Silent Bob got what you need, ladies!" shouted the more vocal of the pair. "We got horse, crack, doobies and meds! Step right up and get it! Snootchie Bootchies!" He grinned at Erika and grabbed his crotch.

"Keep walking," Kate whispered in Erika's ear. "Act natural. Do not make eye contact."

Erika nodded. She disliked drug dealers but knew better than to get close to them outside a film role.

Wait, she thought as she was about to turn. I want to say something to these guys. I really should. I got into playing drug addicts because I wanted to show people the damage drugs can do to their lives. My church has helped so many people get off drugs, Kirstie Alley and thousands of others. Maybe these guys just need a little help too, and if I say the right things...

No, she decided, I can't risk it. They would see me the same as those hookers earlier saw me, maybe even worse. I can't take the chance. She glared at Jay and Silent Bob and then walked away from them as they traded confused frowns.

Never mind that those guys might be able to help me through my quandary, Erika thought as she headed on down the sidewalk. For some reason I get the feeling they've aided troubled religious women before.

Several laughing teenagers on roller skates sped past her as she again caught up with Sarah and Kate. "This is getting us nowhere," Erika told her friends. "I think we have too much clutter. You want to try Sunset?"