"So I'm abnormal. I'm a freak," Danny Deveno said as he lay on the couch in the consulting room.

"No, no. You're not a freak," Dr. Betty Baslur replied, "and you're not abnormal."

"Well, what would you call me? I mean, what I have, what my problem is, isn't it freaky, isn't it abnormal?"

"What you have, Mr. Deveno, what your problem is, is abnormal, yes. But you yourself are not abnormal."

"Well, what is it, anyway? I mean, what's wrong with me, what's the term for it?"

Dr. Baslur shifted in her chair and crossed her legs. She sat alongside of the head of the couch, not facing Danny but close enough to him to maintain contact. She was in her late twenties with short blonde hair and blue eyes, full-bodied with a plump butt and full rounded breasts.

"First of all, let me tell you that the term abnormal is a relative term," Dr. Baslur said. "What it means is something not average, typical or usual, something deviating from a standard. Now, in your case, there are two problems, and they are abnormal, but that's not to say that they're freaky."

"Well, that's all well and good, Doctor, but what exactly is it? What's wrong with me?"

"As I said, there are two abnormal problems. One is erectile dysfunction, and the other is satyriasis."

"Say what? Satyr who? What is that?"

"Satyriasis is a pathological term," Dr. Baslur said. "It simply means abnormal, uncontrollable sexual desire in men. It's also called satyromania."

"Hmm—uncontrollable sexual desire," Danny said. "Well, yeah, I have to admit, I do have that. Is there any cure for it?"

"No, there's no cure, but there is treatment."

"Well, what about the other problem—what did you call it? Erect malfunction?"

"Erectile dysfunction. That's a medical term. What it is is that you experience an almost constant erection."

"Well, yeah, I do. So is there a cure for that?"

"Again, there is no cure for satyriasis or for erectile dysfunction, but there is treatment."

"Well, Doctor, the thing is, it's not just my problem. It's my wife's too. Thing is, I do have uncontrollable sexual desire, and an almost constant erection, but you see what a problem that is for my wife. I mean I've just about, to put it crudely, worn her out. I have to admit, I do have a pretty strong sex drive, and I am erect almost constantly."

"How often do you have relations with your wife?"

"Oh, once a day, I guess. The thing is, she has just about cut me off. I don't blame her, though, because I guess it has been pretty rough on her. But it's rough for me too. I mean I have this uncontrollable sexual desire, and this almost constant hard-on."

"Yes, I can see. Well, Mr. Deveno, as I said, your condition cannot be cured, but there is treatment. But I want to know if you and your wife have considered the possibility of you perhaps obtaining a surrogate, someone who will provide you with sex."

"You mean, another woman?"

"Yes, someone with whom you and your wife would be satisfied."

"No, I'm afraid not. I mean, my wife Pearl, she'd be okay with it, but the problem is, I can't seem to find anyone who would do it. I mean, I could go out, I guess, and try to pick up someone, but there's too much risk involved in that, and also, it's hard for me to do that. I mean, I'm not handsome or athletic, or whatever. I mean, look at me. I'm short, chubby, and bald on top. So, I don't know."

"Here's what I want you to do, Mr. Deveno. I want you and your wife to practice oral sex."

"You do?"

"Yes. It would be a way for you to relieve yourself. To relieve your uncontrollable sexual desire, and your almost constant erection."

"Well, okay. Pearl, she don't really—I mean, she's not really into that—oral sex, that is, but I'll see what we can do."

"Good. Now do that—tonight and tomorrow, and come back here on Wednesday, and we'll see how it works out."

"Okay, Doctor."

Wednesday came, and Danny Deveno was back on the couch in the consulting room. Dr. Betty Baslur sat by his head.

"Well, Mr. Deveno, how did it go with you and your wife?"