Chapter 3

I sat on the sofa to think. I pondered for about half an hour. Then I knew what I had to do.

A glance out the front door revealed Mae still standing under a streetlamp by the bus stop sign. It was dark and the wind was picking up. I sprinted out the door and called to her.

“Mae!” I shouted. “Come back inside. We need to talk this through.”

I met her halfway and we trotted back into the house. She was shivering and her legs were pink. “You must be frozen,” I said. “I’ll make some hot chocolate.”

I brought two mugs into the living room. Mae sat on the sofa and held the cup in both hands.

“I ... I should’ve let you drive me,” she said, her teeth chattering.

“And then we wouldn’t be having this talk,” I replied. “Mae -- it dawned on me how much courage it took for you to tell me what you did. The easy way would’ve been for you to give me the kiss-off. It means you must have some serious feelings for me.”

She nodded. “I’ve never met a man like you -- I’ve never met anyone who’s filled me with the feelings I have for you. When you kissed me, Len ... it was like you were reading my mind. I was wishing you would ... and I was hoping you wouldn’t. I love you, Len.”

“I love you, too, Mae.”

“I knew then I had to find a way to tell you.” She sipped her cocoa. “I’m feeling warmer, now.”

“Good. I was afraid I’d need to wrap you in an electric blanket.”

“That does sound good...” She looked up at me. “Len -- do you regret kissing me?”

I shook my head. “Not at all, Mae.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“I’ve had to deal with my share of prejudice since living here.”

“As the skinhead incident reveals.”

“My parents used to tell me that I should find a man who wouldn’t care that I’m Thai. In you I found someone better -- someone who cares that I’m Thai and appreciates me more for it.”

“That’s right,” I replied. “The notion of color-blindness is nonsense. We’re not all the same. It’s diversity that makes this world so interesting. We need to embrace our differences ... celebrate them ... revel in them.”

“I felt that from you from the beginning. I was hoping to meet someone like you ... only after.”

“After what?”

“After my reassignment surgery,” she replied. “You came along about six months too soon.”

“You’re planning on...”

“It’s on the calendar. Next month. I’ve been going in and banking my blood. Next month I have the first surgery. Then, four months later, the second. After some weeks to heal I’ll truly be a woman.”

“And, nobody knows.”

She shook her head. “Nobody. This is why I live at Mama’s. I need to put every penny I can aside for the surgery. I also have some life insurance money that was left over from settling my parents’ estate.”

“They don’t know at your lab?”

“No.”

“How were you going to explain your absences?”

“My plan was to resign my position -- tell them I need to take a year off for a personal sabbatical -- then, go on to the next thing.”

“Which is?”

“I don’t know ... Maybe go back for that PhD. Maybe find a new job. I’m a US citizen, now. I shouldn’t have trouble finding work.”

“Undoubtedly not.”

“Len -- If you can just ignore what’s between my navel and my knees for the next six months ... Otherwise I’m as much a woman as any birth woman. I think like a woman ... I feel like one ... I’ll be a good girlfriend for you.”

I nodded. Then I stood and opened my arms. Mae fell into them and I held her. I kissed the top of her head and inhaled her scent. “You even smell like a woman.” I held her face in my hands and stroked tears from her cheeks. We kissed. “I have an idea how you can save even more money. Move in here with me. I won’t charge you a penny of rent.”

Her eyes grew wide. “Are you serious? We hardly know each other.”

“I know enough already. It is a serious offer, Mae.”

“You have no idea what sorts of irksome personal habits I might have.”

“Nor do you of mine. What I do know is if you care for me enough and trust me enough to share your little secret with me ... we can work through anything else. So, do you accept?”

“Do you really want me?”

“I do -- if Mama will permit it.”

“Mama will be delighted for me.”

“How soon can you move out?”

“I pay rent month-to-month and I know there are other girls waiting for a room. I can move out tomorrow.”

“Then tomorrow it is. I want you in my life, Mae. But, I’m not gay.”

“Neither am I,” she replied. “I told you I’m not a lesbian. I’m a straight woman who has a dick instead of a pussy.”

“That, I’m afraid, I can’t get past, and I’m sorry. For now our relationship must be platonic.”

“I understand,” she replied. “What about after my surgery?”

“I don’t know,” I said, and I truly didn’t. “I am trying, Mae. I’m trying to put myself into your shoes.”

“I know ... I knew that’s what you would do.”

“When you told me -- weren’t you afraid I’d give YOU the kiss-off?” I asked.

“A little ... but I didn’t think you would. I have a long road ahead of me before the next stage of our relationship. I think keeping it platonic is the right thing for now.”

“We have a long road,” I said. “One thing I do know for sure. Any surgery is a scary proposition. To think of someone cutting off your ... To think of you going into it alone...” I shook my head. “You shouldn’t be alone. I want to be with you, Mae. I want to be the last one you see before going under the anesthesia ... and the first one you see coming out of it.”

She broke into a broad smile. “I would really like that, Len.”

We used Saturday to move Mae’s belongings into my house and Sunday to give her old room at Mama’s a thorough cleaning. She didn’t have much -- the furniture in her room belonged to Mama. We dumped several cartons of clothing and other sundries into a spare room.

“You can use this room,” I said. “There’s an adjoining bath.”

“A private bath,” she replied. “What luxury.”

“What time to you need to be at work on Monday?” I asked.

“Seven AM,” she replied.

“I have no idea what the bus routes are like. We could carpool except my day starts at nine and it’s in the opposite direction. Do you have a driver’s license?”

“It’s been years since I drove.”

“It’s like riding a bike -- once you learn you never forget. Follow me.”

I led her to the garage and pulled a canvas cover off the vehicle occupying the other stall. Underneath was a pearl-white roadster with a long, low hood and squared-off nose.

“This is my pride and joy -- it’s an original 1963 Studebaker Avanti -- restored and in mint condition.”

“You’d let me drive this?”

“Are you out of your mind? I never drive this during the winter but now that Spring has come ... I’ll drive the Avanti and YOU can drive the Camry.”

“Fair enough.”

We fell into a routine. For the first week, Mae slept in her room, arising early and driving my Camry to her lab while I drove the Avanti to my office. By the time I got home in the evening, Mae was in the kitchen in her running shorts and tank, preparing something or other for dinner.

Friday I pulled into the garage and walked into the kitchen. Mae was standing over a wok. I tapped her shoulder and she jumped. “You startled me.”

“Sorry ... Are you making that gai pad met stuff?”

“Gai pad met ma-muang himmaphan. Are you getting tired of it?”

“It has become my favorite.”

“You’re not tired of all the Thai food I make?”

“Not at all. If you’d like to branch out and try some Malay or Indonesian -- that would be okay, too.”

We sat across from each other at the kitchen table. “Well -- it’s been a week. How has it worked out for you?”

“Good ... good.”

“I’ve enjoyed having a companion in the house,” I said. “And I’m sure my diet has improved.”

That night I rapped on the door to Mae’s room. She opened it and stood before me in a long, cotton sleep tee that came to her knees. “Yes?”

“You’re not in bed yet?” I asked.

“I was about to turn in.”

“How would you like to try sleeping in my bed? Nothing physical -- just sleeping together ... to see how it feels.”

“I’d like that,” she replied.

I led her to the master bedroom, turned down the covers and slid in. Mae lay on her back beside me. I beckoned to her and she rolled against me. I put my arm around her and she snuggled against me. “Mae -- I have a question...”

“What, Len?”

“That movie about the boxer ... I recall she blamed how she was on her karma.”

“That’s a very Thai mentality,” she replied. “Perhaps it’s why we’re tolerated there the way we are.”

“I get it -- it’s not your fault, it’s the result of sins in a previous life. Is that what you believe?”

“I’ve never been particularly religious, Len. I could never understand the logic of punishing someone in this life for transgressions in a previous one ... especially since we’re unaware of that previous life. I think this is just how I am.” She snuggled closer. “Mmm,” she said. “I kind of like how this feels.”

“So do I. I had almost forgotten how much I liked feeling my bed partner’s warmth against me.” I turned out the lights. “Good night, Mae.”

The next morning I sat with my coffee. Mae began brewing some green tea. “Len, I have a request before I go in for my surgery.”

“What’s that?”

“I’d like us to build a spirit house.”

“What’s a spirit house?”

“It’s a Thai tradition. It’s a miniature house that’s put outside for spirits to live. It’s made to be more attractive to spirits than the main house so they move into it.”

“I thought you said you’re not religious,” I replied.

“This isn’t religion, it’s tradition. Didn’t you see the spirit house outside Mama’s place?”

“I guess I never noticed it. How big does this spirit house need to be?”

“About yay by yay,” she said and held her hands about a foot and a half apart.

“What does it have to look like inside? Do the spirits have to have their own rooms?”

“Just empty inside.”

“That seems doable.”

I obtained some exterior grade plywood and fabricated a replica of my split-level abode. Then Mae painted it in bright colors. She obtained a piece of mirror which she broke and glued the shards onto the outside so the thing sparkled in the sunshine.

“You don’t think breaking a mirror is bad luck?” I asked her as she stuck the pieces onto the small building.

“No. Do you?”

“Seven years’ worth of it ... supposedly. So I’m glad you’re the one breaking it and not me.”