Chapter 1

August, 2008

Jethro Gibbs took his reading glasses off and rubbed his eyes. Work had been a trial of late, really since the Frog situation was resolved. He and Mac hadn't had a weekend alone together in months and things were stressed between them. Some nights they barely mumbled a greeting before tumbling into bed.

Jet had always thought things would get better when Mac was down in DC. He'd been here two years now, working with the feds, training agents in hand-to-hand combat methods. Mac was one of the best, holding top belts in over two dozen types of martial arts and hand-to-hand combat techniques.

But he hadn't counted on his lover being so exhausted when he got home, and so frustrated by not working in a lab environment.

When he opened his eyes, he noticed Tony staring at him, concern written all over his features. Gibbs knew he was looking more tired than usual. This whole Mac situation was taking a lot out of him.

DiNozzo wasn't the only one worried about a coworker. Gibbs was worried about DiNozzo, who hadn't been the same at all since Jeanne had accused him of killing the Frog.

Gibbs stood, throwing his glasses onto his desk before he went down to Abby's lab. Maybe she could cheer him up.

Abby heard the elevator doors open, which caused her to look up. When she saw her boss coming in, she wasn't sure if it was for work or just to talk. Ever since she had spent a couple of days with Gibbs and Mac while waiting for her parents to make it out of New Orleans, she'd learned a lot about her boss. Abby knew that Gibbs would come down just to see what was going on, and it had been one of the things that had strengthened their friendship. She often went out with the couple, making it look as if they weren't dating but just friends eating out.

"Gibbs! You bring me my daily extra caffeine, or maybe something of the brownie variety?"

He held out his empty hands. What had he been thinking? "Sorry, Abbs. Not on top of things lately." He looked down at her. "Ethan or the nuns keeping you busy tonight?"

He really wasn't interested in another night of strained conversation with Mac; he needed a break. It sounded terrible that he needed a break from Mac—his Mac. But they'd just been quietly falling apart for months and he needed a way to bring them back together. Abby would take it on as her project and he'd at least have a game plan. Something to hang onto.

"We're between leagues right now, so you don't have to fight Sister Mary Teresa for me tonight." She would have to cancel on Ethan, but they both worked for the feds, so it was a common occurrence. At least tonight she knew that she could call and let him know that she would be there after dinner with Gibbs and Mac, and that they could just move their club excursion to later in the evening.

"Where do you and Mac want to go tonight, Boss? When are you two going to come out clubbing with me? I've almost got Ethan convinced to come out for the Alien Lust knock off band that plays every week. You and Mac should come along with us."

"No Mac, Abby. Just you and me. I need some time away." She gave him a concerned look and he nodded, confirming that things weren't exactly all right. He tried to smile at the thought of him and Ethan and Mac following Abby to some club. Wouldn't happen—

they wouldn't even be let in.

"There is a piano bar not to far from my place. The food is decent, the drinks are cheap and the music is more along the lines of something you'd like." Abby always went out with Mac and Gibbs, and at least when they'd gone out last week it seemed that things were fine. They were still adjusting to living in the same town after a year and a half, but they'd spent so much time apart that it was no wonder they hadn't managed to have things go totally smooth. "My treat, you can tell Dear Abbs what's wrong and let me fix all your problems."

"Don't need anything that refined. A burger and a beer would do." He nodded, knowing he needed her. "Need you more than anything else." He nudged her shoulder with his. "Just tell me when you're ready to go."

"Give me three minutes. I just need to bring everything down for the night. It's not like crime won't be here in the morning." Abby went through the lab, bringing her babies down for the night. "You pick where we go, if you don't like my idea. All I need is a good drink, and I'm happy. You're buying, by the way, since you forgot my Caf-Pow."

"I'm buying," he agreed, thinking of the neighborhood bar he and Mac went to sometimes. "I know just the place, Abbs. Perfect place actually."

He went upstairs and logged off, collecting his gear and saying a quiet goodnight to DiNozzo before coming back to the lab. "Ready to go, Abbs?"

"You betcha." Flipping the lights off, Abby held her arm out waiting for Gibbs to take it. "Now, we are going to have a good time tonight whether you like it or not. You're going to tell me all of your troubles and just by getting them off your chest, you'll make things better. Then you are going to trust me to figure out some way to fix whatever is going on. I won't let my guys be miserable because of their own male deficiencies."

Jethro nodded his head, taking her arm. "I just think it might be over, Abbs. It's getting so hard to pretend." He sighed. "Yeah ... let's wait and get some food and then we'll talk. This isn't something easy or trivial though.

"I don't consider your love life trivial, Gibbs. I have a vested interest in you two, and I would hate to see you two break up when you still love each other so much." Abby had no doubt that the two men were still in love. If they weren't, her boss wouldn't be so tortured about this. "Let me work my Abby magic, see if I can't come up with even a patch, to get you through until we can figure out what's really going on with you two."

He nodded, holding off on talking about it at work, where even the walls had ears.

Mac Taylor stowed his gear and looked over at Ethan Moore. They'd become business partners together when Mac came down to DC, teaching elite combat fighting techniques and covert mission strategies to various branches of the federal government, most of the three letter agencies, though they were officially under the banner of DOD.

Today they'd been teaching evasive measures to a bunch of guys bound for Iraq in case snipers targeted them. He was sweaty, sore and tired and he didn't want to go home and face Jet.

Things were a mess between them; Mac knew it. He just didn't know how to fix things. Maybe they weren't meant to be together permanently. He'd been spending more and more time at the furnished apartment he'd rented for appearances sake and even slept there a couple times a week. Wasn't like Jet noticed or commented.

After they'd hit the showers and dressed, Mac turned to Ethan. "Buy ya a burger and a beer, old friend?"

"Sure, sounds like a deal to me." Ethan would have to cancel on Abby, but she would understand once he told her why. Mac had been looking down of late, and he couldn't get his buddy to open up any. "Been a hell of a week already, I think we deserve a little down time. I'll let Abbs know that I'll catch up with her later. She wants to go to some club I'm too old for to see a band I've never heard of. I can catch her after the show, she'll have a good buzz from what ever she's been drinking, and she'll be all sorts of playful. She's a lot of fun after clubbing. Much more my style."

"Hey, I don't want to get in the way of your love life, E. We can do it some other day. Really, man." Mac knew he was backpedaling, unsure if he could put into words the problems between him and Jet. He had nowhere he could go, either. Outside of Ethan and Abby, only his parents and Kelly knew and he wasn't gonna stress his family about it.

"Ethan, go see your girl. We'll get together some other time."

"There is no getting in the way of my love life. Abby's always ready for love, even if I have to work late. We're doing just fine. You, on the other hand, look like you're doing less than fine." He'd noticed that Mac hadn't been looking so hot of late, but he couldn't see that his friend was sick. He was just as strong and quick as ever "Can you see me at one of her clubs? We'll get out of here. I could use a beer, not some crazy drink that I would get at one of those places. They don't just make a Jack and Coke, it's always something more."

Mac smiled but it was tinged with sadness, He nodded, grabbing his stuff. "Know the perfect place, E. Follow me."

Mac drove to the bar and gestured Ethan inside. He took a position with his back to the wall, old habits dying hard. There was a really good looking guy at the bar who smiled at him. Must think we're a couple, Mac surmised. For a moment that felt okay, the guy's appraising look, slight smirk, even though the bar was pretty conservative. Mac hadn't even looked at another guy that way before. What was he thinking?

They ordered and Mac sighed, running a finger over a scar in the table. "Ethan, I don't know what the hell to do any more."

"What do you mean? What's going on, Mac? You just haven't been you lately, but I haven't been able to figure out what it is." Ethan had tried to bring subject up with Abbs, to see if there was a reason why his friend was so down, but she hadn't seemed to know anything. "You're starting to worry me. Haven't seen you like this in years and I can't say that I like it."

He nodded, knowing that Ethan was referring back to the dark time after Claire had died. He was one of the few people who knew he and Jet had attempted forever with her. A threesome. A permanent relationship. It'd all gone to hell on 9/11.

They ordered and he waited for their beer and food to arrive before he spoke.

Jethro walked into the bar and almost walked out. Ethan and Mac were at a corner booth. He squared his shoulders. "Abbs, Ethan and Mac are here but I don't want to deal with him. You mind if we don't go over there?"

"I didn't even call Ethan yet. He couldn't have known we were coming here, I didn't even know we were coming here." Abby let Gibbs lead her away from their respective boyfriends, not sure what to think. "I don't care where we sit, I'm here for you. Whatever you need that won't get my boyfriend up in arms."

"Thanks," he said, setting his jaw.

"For what? For being your friend, for putting you first?" Abby was really concerned, she hadn't seen Gibbs like this in a long time, if ever really. "You both are very important to me, and I don't like seeing either of you hurt. I owe you both a lot, even if you say I don't. I want to help."

"For being here," he sad simply. "Otherwise, I'd be dealing with a boat and bourbon and I get drunk almost every night now."

"Not a good sign, Gibbs." Now she was worried. Gibbs having a drink, sure that wasn't out of the normal, but she didn't see him get drunk all that often. "We're going to fix this, I'm not going to lose you to your boat or your memories Jethro Gibbs. You're too important to me."

"Thanks Abbs," he said very quietly. "It's the only way for me to get through. Calling him, waiting, driving by the apartment to make sure the lights are on and that the car is there. Watching in case I can see his shadow."

"So you're hiding your drinking?" It seemed to only get worse. Mac was living at the apartment and not the house? When had that happened? She wondered if Mac had noticed or if he was keeping his head in the sand about this. "After how many years you two have been together, you still can't communicate, can you? Ever think you could have nipped all of this in the bud just by asking Mac what was happening with him?"

"No, not kidding. Just don't think he cares enough. And Abbs, I've forgotten how to talk with him. We used to be able to talk but now there are all these walls..." He sighed, looking over at Mac.

"You've got tools and skills Jethro Gibbs, you can break down those walls. Instead of wallowing, you should be trying to make things better." Never again would she adopt a couple, this was hard and she was too invested. "Bring down the wall, you're capable of is, I've seen go after people or evidence in a case, and not give up. You shouldn't give up now."

"Not giving up, just frustrated. Missing him. Can't reach him emotionally." He blushed a little, not sure of giving all this info. Even to Abbs. But he was desperate.

"Frustration I can work with, it can be put to good use, and you can even use it in trying to get him to communicate with you." Or, sexual frustration could just lead them to bed, where they can work out whatever it was that was going on. "Maybe it's not emotionally that you need to reach him right now."

"It was never just sex with us ... emotion. Need. Heart. Can't just be fuck buddies"

Mac just watched him, blinking slowly, a grim smile on his face. Jet raised a hand, acknowledging him and Mac nodded, looking away. "He doesn't really want to deal with me either."

"Come on, buddy. What's happening? You were so excited to move down here, now you're absolutely miserable." It couldn't be because of what was going on with them professionally. Mac was extremely successful at what he was doing, both of them had more people contacting them than they could handle. And from what he was hearing from Abbs, things at NCIS were plugging along. "So what's really going on?"

Mac leaned forward, staring into Ethan's eyes. "I think..." He took a deep breath. "Ethan, I think I'm losing him. We don't communicate any more; we don't even sleep in the same bed some days. I'm spending more and more time alone at the apartment, not even an acknowledgment or comment from him."

"I don't know where I belong any more. I miss the lab ... I love what we're doing, but I miss the lab and investigations. And ... Claire." He'd taken to going to Ground Zero even though her body had never been found. "I left because it was too much, Ethan, and now I just want to go back.

"Have you been back to visit since you left?" He understood that the city and everything going on there could be too much. It's why he had to leave New Orleans. He'd tried to go back and help, but there seemed to be no helping. Every inch he gave, someone wanted to take another three feet. "Mac, it's okay to miss the lab and your friends and everything about the city. But you know as soon as you get back up there for good, you're going to hate it and want to come back here."

"No, E. Nobody stayed in contact, what'd be the point? All I have up there is Kelly." He sighed heavily. "I know that rationally, but I always thought I'd feel at home here and I don't. Still his house. Still ... not my home. It was more my home when I was driving a thousand miles a month to visit."

He took a sip of his beer, only vaguely aware that it had arrived. "Unsettled, E. Was thinking of going to Chicago for a long weekend and thinking it out."

"You two were fine. What was it, a couple weeks ago when we had dinner and played cards?" Ethan had accepted that Abby was the girlfriend cover for his friends, and tried to meet them whenever possible after their dates, to hang out and do couple things. "Mac, whatever this is, it can't be that bad. You two love one another, this is just a rough spot, right?"

"No, we haven't been fine for a long time. We're just good at pretending."

"Damn good, I wouldn't have known there was a problem if you hadn't told me." He was supposed to be an investigator, but Ethan had missed some big signs. "What can I do to help, Mac? You've done so much for me and Abby both, I want to be able to do the same for you."

"We're good at pretending with each other but the last couple of weeks we don't even have the strength to try." What could Ethan do? Nothing. "Make him love me again..." Mac said without meaning to.

"I don't believe that Jethro doesn't love you. I think he's a hard man to understand and doesn't know how to say he loves you. But not every man is enlightened like we are."

"Used to, E. We used to throw those words around like we were damn girls." He drummed his fingertips on the table. "Now we can't even find 'em anymore."

"You brought up being girly, not me." Ethan knew things had to be real bad, normally he wouldn't get Mac to talk like this without a lot to drink. "When was the last time you told him you loved him?"

Mac shrugged. "Couple days ago. He grunted, went downstairs, closed the basement door and locked me out for the night. No I love you back. Nothing, E. I just ... he does this. I've seen it. With the wives. He's infatuated then ... bang. He moves on."

"Half a lifetime isn't infatuation. I mean, I can buy that the sex might be good. But you don't stick around that long just for good sex. There has to be something deeper there to keep both of you coming back." He really didn't know Gibbs that well, the man was difficult at best and he was starting to see the worst that the man could do. Whatever this was, it was destroying Mac.

"In case you missed the memo, you're not a wife, buddy. You two have never worked the way he did with his exes. Abby said she's never seen Gibbs act the way that he did with you that first weekend. Not even with Kelly. That means something, even if you don't want to admit it."

"There is. You have no idea. No idea. I can't describe it or explain it. Soul connection. Other half of my soul. Completes me. That's why it hurts, it hurts like the first love you ever have and feel. That intensity, Ethan, it's that way between us. Permissible when you're a horny fourteen year old. Not as politically correct when you're in your forties. He ... I see things in him and he lets me into places nobody else has gone before. Makes it harder when he shutters off."

"Bastard probably doesn't even know he's doing it. It could just be instinctive to him, you said it's like with the ex-wives." It occurred to Ethan that it might be exactly like that, he may not have been married, but he always knew when he was dating someone and it was coming to an end. "Do you think that he might be getting some vibe from you Mac? That something isn't right, and so he's shutting off to not get hurt? With as many ex-wives, he'd have to of perfected the skill."